Detoured

This may get a bit involved so just stick with me. The other month I had an epiphany that trigged three thoughts: redirect, let go, look forward.

In August, I had dropped my twenty year old son off at the airport so he could fly halfway around the world to South Korea. Jordan and I were departing ways when I turned to leave and took one last glance to see the back of his Cliff Lee Phillies shirt causing me to blink the tears away .

It seemed strange I felt this way because I was glad that he had the opportunity to study abroad. So, for months it eluded me till about a week ago it dawned on me, like a delayed epiphany.  My life has been detoured.

Detour #1: Redirect

To bring you up to speed, I must take you back twelve years. It was 1999, a time when it seemed that I had it all together. I had a job as a limo driver, was in line to one day own the business, had two kids was happily married and planned ultimately to be alone with my wife when the kids moved out. Then something happened, God detoured us.

The two kids I did mention in the above paragraph are now currently out of the house. Yet my wife and I are not alone as our nine year old lives with us and are seeking to expand our family yet again through the adoption of an eight year old.

Often detours take you places you would never go on your own, scary at times, but full of adventure. Our life is not what we had planned; it is much more daring than I would have ever conjured up. My family and I are doing things we never imagined we would or could for that matter. Sometimes God just takes our plans and shreds them into tiny pieces, then he redirects us somewhere different, yet better.

Detour #2: Let Go

Bear with me for a moment as I give you a little background on my son and I. Have you ever been in a no win situation. Many years ago, I was faced with a situation when I had to choose between my eldest son and my daughter who was two years younger. They both needed me desperately at the same precise moment, but I could only be at one place at a time. It seemed terribly unfair to me and in some ways I blamed God. So, for a few years, I carried that weight around, among other things, until I realized some things just happen, no one needs to be blamed. Good comes with the bad, that’s just life, again like a detour you have to go with it or you never recover. Learn from the pain and let it go.

Once, Jordan told me when he was playing high school baseball that I did not need to come because he knew I would be there with him in spirit. God knows what He is doing and even though I can’t always be with my son or any of my kids all the time, He is. And that is enough for me. God has been amazingly wonderful to me and I never deserved one second of it, so my past failures I choose to leave behind me.

Detour #3: Look Forward

I used to take life as it came, but my latest detour has been to adopt God’s way of thinking and look forward and plan ahead. Our adoption has been proceeding along slowly but surely. Since everything has become definite on the adoption, we have chosen a name for our newest daughter. Her Chinese name has “Li” in it pronounced Lee (like on the back of my son’s shirt) and since everyone in our immediate family has the letter “a” in their name we thought it was only fitting she have an “a” too. So we’ve chosen Lia.

My wife and I have quite the eclectic family. We have a son born to us who is residing in Korea, a daughter whose address is Heaven, a daughter who was born in China who is living with us, and a daughter, who is residing in China, who we must wait for till she becomes ours. Yet in all of this craziness, God is blessing us.

Just the other day I realized how blessed I truly am. At one time in my life, I almost lost my entire family and now I am seeking to expand it. From this vantage God looks more than fair. I guess it depends on how you are looking at life or the season of life you are in at the time. I am learning to look forward and adopt God’s way of doing things because He knows better than I do. What I find terribly ironic is what God has for us is much better than what my feeble mind could conceive. What I saw as a detour God saw as opportunity to direct me to his path.

“Don’t think you’re on the right road, just because it’s a well beaten path.” ~ Unknown

Swavel

Adoption Update: We have received our approval of our I800A which is from United States Immigration and Citizenship Services. It took 74 days to receive the approval notice. Now all our paperwork being sent to Harrisburg for state seals and then onto the Chinese Consulate in NY for authentication. This step will take about three weeks. So we wait again....

Not Really

Have you ever dreamed of a white Halloween? I haven’t, not really. But this year two days before Halloween, we got blanketed by a rogue Nor’easter. The kind of snow, the consistency of a Slurpee, that clings to the leaves, branches and electric wires and creates some real havoc. 

We were one of the thousands of families that the storm had left without electric. So the obvious question asked by family and friends was, "is your power back on yet?" Then it was followed up by, "that must be terrible to be without electricity."

Some initial anxieties I had about having enough food,. heat and being in the dark never really materialized. Being without electric for a week was enlightening and made me realize how truly blessed we are.
 
I believe a normal concern most of would have when you lose power is, "will there be enough food?" If you've ever met me in person, immediately you would notice that I could afford to shed a few pounds. So when the fridge and stove were not working, I did have a thought about food. But, between the food in the cupboards, eating out a few times, and being invited over to eat on several other occasions we were just fine. I might have even gained a little weight.

Most of us would be a little apprehensive about not having heat and it was a thought. But, between you and me, we are trying to conserve our oil anyway. In essence, the storm did us a favor to an extent. It was quite chilly some mornings, but during the day there was more than enough sun to keep the temperature comfortable. We subscribed to the theory of putting on an extra sweater or pair of socks and at night we threw more blankets on the bed. So being without heat may not have been my ideal, but was it bad? Not really.

My last concern was being in the dark. I believe being in the dark was a good opportunity for me to empathize, just a little, with my third daughter who is visually impaired. As a light dependent person, I have grown accustomed to slipping on the lights when entering a room. So I cheated and used a camping latern and occasionally felt my way through the dark. And there is nothing like whacking my shin on the end table as a remind of how spoiled I am. So is being in the dark a big deal, not really.

What we experienced for a week was simply a matter of inconvenience, not life or death. We often take for granted our modern day conveniences; like the fridge to keep our food cold, the lights that go on when we flip that switch, and the computer to work so we can check our e-mails. And when those conveniences are taken away, we complain and cry woe is me. Should it be that way? Not really.

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Swavel

 

More Than Expected

On October 6^th, 2011 my family and I volunteered to help out Show Hope at a Steven Curtis Chapman concert and experienced far more than what we had signed up for.

The concert, Stories and Songs, was held in Lancaster, PA and featured special guests, Josh Wilson and Andrew Peterson. Our job was to help at the Show Hope table by handing out information to anyone who was interested in learning more about what they do and to assist those who wanted to become sponsors. For those who are not familiar with Show Hope, it an organization started by Steven and his wife, Mary Beth, to help others adopt by way of grants and providing orphans with much needed medical care. The video below explains more about Show Hope.

 

Much to our surprise, since we recently received a grant from Show Hope, we were privileged to meet Steven on stage. This was just the cherry on the top because that evening we experienced far more than we had bargained for.

Here are the 3 things I took away from our experience:

1 - If we can, we need to love and help the orphans.

When we arrived at the concert we met our contact, whose name was Dave Trask. He used to be Steven’s manger and he was quite the guy. Now, he spends his time representing Show Hope and coordinating medical teams to go to China to perform lifesaving surgeries on the children at Maria’s Big House of Hope. He talked fast, moved fast and made things happened. He seemed to thrive well in organized chaos. But, what struck me most about him was how he truly loved the orphans.

Case in point, at the concert was a boy who had been at Maria’s Big House of Hope and had just recently been adopted to a family here in the States. Dave couldn’t stop hugging him and talking to him like he was his own. It was moving. He even took him back to see Steven and was holding him on stage when we met Steven as part of the concert. Some people, talk about loving the least of these, Dave was doing it.

2 - We need to show compassion to others, even total strangers.

Throughout the evening Dave very openly shared with the group about his own life and what he had been through. Then in a one on one conversation he talked to my wife about our personal tragedy and showed tremendous compassion to her. My wife is a very private person yet here she is telling intimate details with a stranger, about something that hurt her deeply. It touched me greatly to see and hear such compassion. Again, so many people talk about caring, but there at that concert we saw it.

3 - We need to show others Jesus in how we act.

After the concert was over and we were done cleaning up, we went to leave and that is when I really saw something unexpected. Out on the sidewalk was Andrew Petersen, one of the artists on the tour, sitting cross legged singing one of his songs with about eight people gathered around him. It just struck me like something Jesus would have done. He was ministering to people’s souls, not putting on a show. It was so intimate that I kept walking not wanting to disturb something so cool.

Sometimes, God just blesses the socks off of us and all we can do is sit back and enjoy it.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress..." James 1:27

Swavel

Charles Ingalls, I Am Not

Throughout my life, I have admired the fictional character, Charles Ingalls, and secretly hoped one day to be as good or better. You know the kind of guy who is the loving husband and father who always seems to give the right kind of advice and always saves the day. A real man. I now know better.

If I am remembered for only one thing, I hope that it is that I tried to be a good father and husband to those I love. Heaven knows I have some issues. If my wife were honest she would tell you I leave the toilet seat up at times, snore too loud and tend to confuse stories. If you asked my kids, they could tell of times I got them lost in the woods and was rescued by an elderly woman or once how I accidently hit one of them in the face with a basketball. So, I don’t know I how I rate as a dad or husband, but I strive to do my best.

One thing I do though is try to appreciate the little things in life. In the middle of the night I often sneak into my kids’ rooms to hear their heartbeat and listen to them breathing. For a father, like me, the sound is priceless. There is no greater relief for me than to hear those two wonderful sounds. A given for many of us, but not all.

And every morning I wake up my wife before I go to work to say goodbye. There is a regimen; I kiss her three times often stealing a fourth, if I can. Then tell her I love her and promise to be careful as I run out the door. Every day is truly a gift.

We take it for granted that our hearts will always beat, our lungs will always fill with air and we will always have family around. However, these are not givens. So when we do remember these blessings, hundreds of times a day we should pause for a moment and thank God for His goodness. Then do the same thing again tomorrow when we are blessed again, because not everyone has a tomorrow.

In my opinion, a real man ends his conversations with an “I love you” or a kiss to his wife, when it’s appropriate. He tells bedtime stories, reads books and plays games with his kids as often as he can. He is thankful for every heartbeat, every breath. He watches over his family the best he can and is willing to lay down his life for theirs, if necessary. A real man is defined by the love he shows, not by whether or not he matches up with Charles Ingalls.

Swavel

Right Lane Must Turn Right

The other week I had an epiphany, the kind of moment that makes you stop and think. The kind that won’t leave you alone till you act upon it.

Just the other week I had been struggling with what God wanted me to do. I like writing this blog and writing in general, but I am not consistent. So, as I left work and got into my car that night, I decided to go directly to God because it says in Matthew, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you.” Often when I pray, I simply bring requests, but since reading a new book entitled, “A Praying Life,” by Paul Miller, I felt I was just going to be straight up with my heavenly Father with the utmost respect and find out what He wanted me to do.

So, there I was halfway home in a rural area when I asked God to speak to me. I had no idea how God would speak or if He would honor my request at all. After about five to ten minutes of silence, I spoke out loud what was on my heart: I had an overriding feeling that I should start writing more seriously.

I thought, “Okay, now if this is true I need you to show me something to confirm this because I am just so stinking human.” I wanted to write again in His strength, not mine. Then as I came to a turn in the road, I saw a white sign with black letters that read right lane must turn right. We’ve all seen this traffic sign before, but as I approached it this time it seemed to jump out at me. At first I didn’t think much of it, but after a few minutes of prayer and driving I thought back on my desire to write: Writers must write. Since I consider myself at least a quasi-writer, I must write and while I’m at it I need to do it with boldness, determination, and consistency.

We all are faced with moments where we are forced to put up or shut up. So, that afternoon when I listened to God, I knew what I must do. To me, right lane must turn right meant since I consider myself a writer I must write. And even simpler, I must put myself in the right lane, so I can write.

"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing." ~ Walt Disney

Swavel

Adoption Update:
We are still awaiting our approval from the USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services). We hope to receive the approval within the next month.

Queen for a Day

Have you ever felt as worthless as a pawn piece? If you are anything like me, you have. You know the kind of moment that seems so bad that it overrides anything good that has ever happened to you. Well at least for the moment.

The one that most prominently comes to mind happened to me during a very difficult period for my family and I. It was during this period that a friend and I were walking in a hospital parking lot, sharing a candid conversation, when he turned to me and said, “Swavel, we are nothing more than pawns”. It seemed to make perfect sense, because at the time I controlled nothing and felt powerless to have any effect on the outcome at hand. At that particular time, I saw God as the chess master and that He had the power to do whatever He wanted, rightly or indiscriminately, and there was nothing I could do about it. Even though it wasn’t true, from what I could perceive it seemed God did not care. I felt useless.

Now fast forward eleven years to where we are now in our current adoption. On occasion, Amy and I receive e-mails from our adoption agency informing us we have been blessed to receive donations which help defray some of the fees involved in the adoption process. What I felt on those days is pure elation.  I imagine much how winning the Super Bowl may feel. Regardless of the amount, on those days my attitude does a 180, simply because I feel God has heard our prayers and the prayers of many family and friends who are petitioning for us that God work a miracle to bring Lia into our family. On those days, I felt like a pawn that had worked its way across the board and become the most powerful piece on the board, the queen. In layman’s terms queen for a day.

It is especially on those days that I realize how unfair my thinking toward God was. He works both good and bad to his glory. I may be a pawn, but God can turn pawns into queens and do significant things with them. Whether we like it or not, you can’t have the sunshine without the rain.

So it was a couple weeks ago, I had been having a lousy day and both my wife and I were feeling discouraged and frustrated. Then I received an e-mail at work that alerted my wife and I that we had received some donations which we badly needed.  It made me feel so good that I shouted out my car window in joy on the way home. For a moment, I felt useful again.  For a moment, my pawn had become a queen, if only for a day.

“The art of living lies less in eliminating our troubles than in growing with them.”  ~ Bernard M. Baruch

Swavel

Good to Go

Instead of taking up five blogs I decided to consolidate them all into one to answer who, what, when, why and how in regard to our adoption. To get to where we want to go, we feel we need to answer these appropriate questions.

Starting in no order in particular, let’s begin with the most commonly asked question, why are we adopting? For our family, adoption seems like an obvious answer because we have room and love to share with a child that needs a family. There’s a passage in James that says, “Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress……”.  In short, we believe we need to personally care for the orphans.

Who is a good example to follow when it comes to loving little children? Jesus set the best example in Mark 9:36-37, when He said, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.’” We are all called to do different things and we believe, for us, it would be wrong to overlook the child God has put before us.

How difficult is it to adopt? Adoption is not an easy journey and there are plenty of challenges along the way, but we realize we have an amazing opportunity to share in the life of a child and as a result change all of our lives in ways we could never imagine. The best things in life often take the most effort to achieve.

What should we do while we wait? We feel waiting is where faith comes in. We believe, that although we dislike it at times, it is often in times of uncertainty that God is able to best speak into our lives. Of course, we have questions like how will she feel about leaving her entire life (familiar people, things, foods, smells, etc.) behind to come live with strangers?  How will it change our lives having someone new in our family?  Will we be able to cover the next round of fees the are coming due? And the list could go on. God seems to take these moments to teach us the necessary lessons we need to learn to be better followers of Him, better people and the best parents we can be.


When will you bring your child home? This can be the most maddening question to answer, because we don’t know for sure. But, this we do know is that it will be in God’s perfect timing and not a minute too soon or a minute too late. So, with all that said we are good to go.

“I have come to realize more and more that the greatest disease and the greatest suffering is to be unwanted, unloved, uncared for, to be shunned by everybody, to be nobody to no one.” ~ Mother Teresa

Be About

Nuts and bolts time. What are we about? How about a literal who, what, when where and how in regard to adoption?

So, the next 5 blogs will be about adoption. But let’s start with what motivates my wife and I to adopt. I believe we are only being about our Father’s business.

Remember when Jesus was about twelve and lost in the temple? When Joseph and Mary found him, he told them not to worry he was just being about His Father’s business.

As followers of Christ we were adopted into His family. We did nothing to be a part of His family. It doesn’t make any human sense as to why God would go to such great measures to share eternity with us. Yet that is exactly what He has done, He has given us the chance to be in God’s forever family.

What God has done for me motivates me to share my love with others. Like God we have more love to give, so we want to give it away. My hope is to simply try and follow Jesus’ example by being about my Father’s business.

Romans 8:15b-17a, “…the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ…”

Update on the adoption: Currently we are waiting for US immigration approval for our initial paperwork and the wait time is approximately 2 ½ months.

Swavel

Our Crazy Train

“A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove. But the world may be different, because I was important in the life of a child.” - Forest Witcraft 

When our family began our adoption adventure, nearly two years ago, we never expected to be living so very far outside our comfort zone. We now refer to our journey as 'the crazy train'. Often we would doubt whether it could ever take place, then God gave us this verse, "But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed."

It has taken us quite some time, but we have finally finished the beginning adoption paperwork and formalities. Just recently we received pre-approval to adopt an 8 year old little girl named Lia and here is some of what's been shared with us about her:

"Lia is a very delightful girl. Her spirit can't be captured with mere words, maybe it's the way she can melt a heart by simply being a child. She has a mischievous streak and often tries to charm her way out of discipline. Her smile is just adorable, she loves to laugh, and is very intelligent. She is lively and independent despite her limited vision. She brings us much joy."

We love this picture because it shows her loving life with the carefree spirit of a child. Honestly, we feel privileged to have the opportunity to share our lives with her as we realize how, all too quickly, a treasure can vanish.

Recently, we had a direct answer to prayer when we applied for and received a grant which will cover a portion of the adoption expenses. Without God's help, we know we would not be this far in the adoption process. We believe that God wants us to continue working toward bringing Lia into our family. So we are asking that you would pray for us as we move forward in this journey.

Practically speaking, even after the grant money is applied, the outstanding fees are well beyond what we can raise on our own. Many of you have already been a part of this process and we are grateful for your involvement and wanted to keep you updated on our progress. For those who would like to assist us in our efforts to adopt Lia by way of a gift, you may send it to (with a note asking they designate the funds to the account for Aaron & Amy Swavely): 

Living Hope Adoption Agency
Attn: Aimee Connell
PO Box 579
Fort Washington, PA 19034-3414

Please feel free to share our journey with a friend who may want to join us in our adoption adventure and thank you for taking a moment to join us on 'the crazy train'.

~Aaron (Swavel) & Amy

When Faith Believes...

The upcoming blog has been almost two years in the making. Quite frankly, my wife and I wanted to adopt soon after we brought our daughter, Sianna, home from China which was eight years ago. We had more love to give, but we just couldn’t see that it was possible. So we waited and prayed. Then about two years ago, God made it abundantly clear that the right time had come. The resources weren’t available, but if we waited we would never go through with the adoption, so we stepped out in faith.

Well, the rest is explained in the next blog. Until then here is a quote from the famous holocaust survivor, Corrie Ten Boom, “Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible.”

Swavel