Unwanted

Right behind "I love you," the second most powerful phrase one can utter is “I want you.” 

 

Anyone who has ever viewed a Western has seen one of these dubious posters with a notorious outlaw’s mug gracing the tattered and worn declaration.  Although few would choose to have their face attached to such a terrible headline I believe we as human beings fear the alternative even more, which is to be unwanted. 

Especially now with the economic downturn no one wants to hear, “your services are no longer required.”  How awful to feel like you are no longer an asset or no longer needed. Perhaps, no fault of their own, it still doesn’t replace the hurt of losing a job and feeling unwanted.  No one wants to hear those dreaded words you’re fired, that Donald Trump has become so synonymous for using.

The fear of being unwanted knows no social boundaries.  For example, Tom Brady once stated how deeply he had been hurt when it took the New England Patriots six rounds to draft him in 2000. During an interview, he once mentioned that no one wants to feel like, “ maybe nobody wants you.”  If a three time Super Bowl champion felt that way one time in his life it leaves us all susceptible. 

Who in their right mind likes to be the guy or girl who hears, “it’s not you it’s me.”  Although a polite way break up, the message is clear that someone no longer wants to be exclusive.  People in general hate to be moved on from or left in the dust.

My daughter, Sianna found further evidence of this need to be wanted just the other week.  While she was surfing the web she discovered a survey on a fictional book she was reading about dragons.  The survey was trying help you decipher what kind you would be according to the book.   The question that grabbed my attention was this one, “do you ever feel unwanted or not part of the group?”  Interesting how the author found the need to ask this question.  Leading me to believe how universal the struggle to be wanted truly has become.

On a personal note, there were times in my childhood when I felt like I didn’t belong either.   Whether it was my own annoying adolescent tendencies or just the way life can be sometimes, I still hated that feeling like I wasn’t good enough.  On more than one occasion I can remember sitting downstairs with my grandmother or sitting by myself in a room listening in on the adult conversations while the other kids played in another room.  I felt like I was on the outside looking in and felt left out.

Now, as an adult I believe this can be a powerful tool if used properly.  Within reason it is good to belong and to go out of our way to make others feel wanted as well.  God put the need to be wanted deep inside us because if we stay to ourselves, it seldom is good.  He even said in Genesis, “It is not good for man to be alone.”

I speak only for myself, but I know I need to take more time for people who seem lonely.  For example, what I have learned about not feeling wanted helps me as a parent be more willing to make time to play and do more things with my kids.  It helps me want to do more around the house and also try to listen better and not grunt at my wife.

Mother Teresa once said, "Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody; I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat."

Swavel