Charles Ingalls, I Am Not

Throughout my life, I have admired the fictional character, Charles Ingalls, and secretly hoped one day to be as good or better. You know the kind of guy who is the loving husband and father who always seems to give the right kind of advice and always saves the day. A real man. I now know better.

If I am remembered for only one thing, I hope that it is that I tried to be a good father and husband to those I love. Heaven knows I have some issues. If my wife were honest she would tell you I leave the toilet seat up at times, snore too loud and tend to confuse stories. If you asked my kids, they could tell of times I got them lost in the woods and was rescued by an elderly woman or once how I accidently hit one of them in the face with a basketball. So, I don’t know I how I rate as a dad or husband, but I strive to do my best.

One thing I do though is try to appreciate the little things in life. In the middle of the night I often sneak into my kids’ rooms to hear their heartbeat and listen to them breathing. For a father, like me, the sound is priceless. There is no greater relief for me than to hear those two wonderful sounds. A given for many of us, but not all.

And every morning I wake up my wife before I go to work to say goodbye. There is a regimen; I kiss her three times often stealing a fourth, if I can. Then tell her I love her and promise to be careful as I run out the door. Every day is truly a gift.

We take it for granted that our hearts will always beat, our lungs will always fill with air and we will always have family around. However, these are not givens. So when we do remember these blessings, hundreds of times a day we should pause for a moment and thank God for His goodness. Then do the same thing again tomorrow when we are blessed again, because not everyone has a tomorrow.

In my opinion, a real man ends his conversations with an “I love you” or a kiss to his wife, when it’s appropriate. He tells bedtime stories, reads books and plays games with his kids as often as he can. He is thankful for every heartbeat, every breath. He watches over his family the best he can and is willing to lay down his life for theirs, if necessary. A real man is defined by the love he shows, not by whether or not he matches up with Charles Ingalls.

Swavel

Right Lane Must Turn Right

The other week I had an epiphany, the kind of moment that makes you stop and think. The kind that won’t leave you alone till you act upon it.

Just the other week I had been struggling with what God wanted me to do. I like writing this blog and writing in general, but I am not consistent. So, as I left work and got into my car that night, I decided to go directly to God because it says in Matthew, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you.” Often when I pray, I simply bring requests, but since reading a new book entitled, “A Praying Life,” by Paul Miller, I felt I was just going to be straight up with my heavenly Father with the utmost respect and find out what He wanted me to do.

So, there I was halfway home in a rural area when I asked God to speak to me. I had no idea how God would speak or if He would honor my request at all. After about five to ten minutes of silence, I spoke out loud what was on my heart: I had an overriding feeling that I should start writing more seriously.

I thought, “Okay, now if this is true I need you to show me something to confirm this because I am just so stinking human.” I wanted to write again in His strength, not mine. Then as I came to a turn in the road, I saw a white sign with black letters that read right lane must turn right. We’ve all seen this traffic sign before, but as I approached it this time it seemed to jump out at me. At first I didn’t think much of it, but after a few minutes of prayer and driving I thought back on my desire to write: Writers must write. Since I consider myself at least a quasi-writer, I must write and while I’m at it I need to do it with boldness, determination, and consistency.

We all are faced with moments where we are forced to put up or shut up. So, that afternoon when I listened to God, I knew what I must do. To me, right lane must turn right meant since I consider myself a writer I must write. And even simpler, I must put myself in the right lane, so I can write.

"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing." ~ Walt Disney

Swavel

Adoption Update:
We are still awaiting our approval from the USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services). We hope to receive the approval within the next month.

Queen for a Day

Have you ever felt as worthless as a pawn piece? If you are anything like me, you have. You know the kind of moment that seems so bad that it overrides anything good that has ever happened to you. Well at least for the moment.

The one that most prominently comes to mind happened to me during a very difficult period for my family and I. It was during this period that a friend and I were walking in a hospital parking lot, sharing a candid conversation, when he turned to me and said, “Swavel, we are nothing more than pawns”. It seemed to make perfect sense, because at the time I controlled nothing and felt powerless to have any effect on the outcome at hand. At that particular time, I saw God as the chess master and that He had the power to do whatever He wanted, rightly or indiscriminately, and there was nothing I could do about it. Even though it wasn’t true, from what I could perceive it seemed God did not care. I felt useless.

Now fast forward eleven years to where we are now in our current adoption. On occasion, Amy and I receive e-mails from our adoption agency informing us we have been blessed to receive donations which help defray some of the fees involved in the adoption process. What I felt on those days is pure elation.  I imagine much how winning the Super Bowl may feel. Regardless of the amount, on those days my attitude does a 180, simply because I feel God has heard our prayers and the prayers of many family and friends who are petitioning for us that God work a miracle to bring Lia into our family. On those days, I felt like a pawn that had worked its way across the board and become the most powerful piece on the board, the queen. In layman’s terms queen for a day.

It is especially on those days that I realize how unfair my thinking toward God was. He works both good and bad to his glory. I may be a pawn, but God can turn pawns into queens and do significant things with them. Whether we like it or not, you can’t have the sunshine without the rain.

So it was a couple weeks ago, I had been having a lousy day and both my wife and I were feeling discouraged and frustrated. Then I received an e-mail at work that alerted my wife and I that we had received some donations which we badly needed.  It made me feel so good that I shouted out my car window in joy on the way home. For a moment, I felt useful again.  For a moment, my pawn had become a queen, if only for a day.

“The art of living lies less in eliminating our troubles than in growing with them.”  ~ Bernard M. Baruch

Swavel

Good to Go

Instead of taking up five blogs I decided to consolidate them all into one to answer who, what, when, why and how in regard to our adoption. To get to where we want to go, we feel we need to answer these appropriate questions.

Starting in no order in particular, let’s begin with the most commonly asked question, why are we adopting? For our family, adoption seems like an obvious answer because we have room and love to share with a child that needs a family. There’s a passage in James that says, “Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress……”.  In short, we believe we need to personally care for the orphans.

Who is a good example to follow when it comes to loving little children? Jesus set the best example in Mark 9:36-37, when He said, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.’” We are all called to do different things and we believe, for us, it would be wrong to overlook the child God has put before us.

How difficult is it to adopt? Adoption is not an easy journey and there are plenty of challenges along the way, but we realize we have an amazing opportunity to share in the life of a child and as a result change all of our lives in ways we could never imagine. The best things in life often take the most effort to achieve.

What should we do while we wait? We feel waiting is where faith comes in. We believe, that although we dislike it at times, it is often in times of uncertainty that God is able to best speak into our lives. Of course, we have questions like how will she feel about leaving her entire life (familiar people, things, foods, smells, etc.) behind to come live with strangers?  How will it change our lives having someone new in our family?  Will we be able to cover the next round of fees the are coming due? And the list could go on. God seems to take these moments to teach us the necessary lessons we need to learn to be better followers of Him, better people and the best parents we can be.


When will you bring your child home? This can be the most maddening question to answer, because we don’t know for sure. But, this we do know is that it will be in God’s perfect timing and not a minute too soon or a minute too late. So, with all that said we are good to go.

“I have come to realize more and more that the greatest disease and the greatest suffering is to be unwanted, unloved, uncared for, to be shunned by everybody, to be nobody to no one.” ~ Mother Teresa

Be About

Nuts and bolts time. What are we about? How about a literal who, what, when where and how in regard to adoption?

So, the next 5 blogs will be about adoption. But let’s start with what motivates my wife and I to adopt. I believe we are only being about our Father’s business.

Remember when Jesus was about twelve and lost in the temple? When Joseph and Mary found him, he told them not to worry he was just being about His Father’s business.

As followers of Christ we were adopted into His family. We did nothing to be a part of His family. It doesn’t make any human sense as to why God would go to such great measures to share eternity with us. Yet that is exactly what He has done, He has given us the chance to be in God’s forever family.

What God has done for me motivates me to share my love with others. Like God we have more love to give, so we want to give it away. My hope is to simply try and follow Jesus’ example by being about my Father’s business.

Romans 8:15b-17a, “…the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ…”

Update on the adoption: Currently we are waiting for US immigration approval for our initial paperwork and the wait time is approximately 2 ½ months.

Swavel

Our Crazy Train

“A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove. But the world may be different, because I was important in the life of a child.” - Forest Witcraft 

When our family began our adoption adventure, nearly two years ago, we never expected to be living so very far outside our comfort zone. We now refer to our journey as 'the crazy train'. Often we would doubt whether it could ever take place, then God gave us this verse, "But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed."

It has taken us quite some time, but we have finally finished the beginning adoption paperwork and formalities. Just recently we received pre-approval to adopt an 8 year old little girl named Lia and here is some of what's been shared with us about her:

"Lia is a very delightful girl. Her spirit can't be captured with mere words, maybe it's the way she can melt a heart by simply being a child. She has a mischievous streak and often tries to charm her way out of discipline. Her smile is just adorable, she loves to laugh, and is very intelligent. She is lively and independent despite her limited vision. She brings us much joy."

We love this picture because it shows her loving life with the carefree spirit of a child. Honestly, we feel privileged to have the opportunity to share our lives with her as we realize how, all too quickly, a treasure can vanish.

Recently, we had a direct answer to prayer when we applied for and received a grant which will cover a portion of the adoption expenses. Without God's help, we know we would not be this far in the adoption process. We believe that God wants us to continue working toward bringing Lia into our family. So we are asking that you would pray for us as we move forward in this journey.

Practically speaking, even after the grant money is applied, the outstanding fees are well beyond what we can raise on our own. Many of you have already been a part of this process and we are grateful for your involvement and wanted to keep you updated on our progress. For those who would like to assist us in our efforts to adopt Lia by way of a gift, you may send it to (with a note asking they designate the funds to the account for Aaron & Amy Swavely): 

Living Hope Adoption Agency
Attn: Aimee Connell
PO Box 579
Fort Washington, PA 19034-3414

Please feel free to share our journey with a friend who may want to join us in our adoption adventure and thank you for taking a moment to join us on 'the crazy train'.

~Aaron (Swavel) & Amy

When Faith Believes...

The upcoming blog has been almost two years in the making. Quite frankly, my wife and I wanted to adopt soon after we brought our daughter, Sianna, home from China which was eight years ago. We had more love to give, but we just couldn’t see that it was possible. So we waited and prayed. Then about two years ago, God made it abundantly clear that the right time had come. The resources weren’t available, but if we waited we would never go through with the adoption, so we stepped out in faith.

Well, the rest is explained in the next blog. Until then here is a quote from the famous holocaust survivor, Corrie Ten Boom, “Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible.”

Swavel

Cabin Fever

There are certain times in life when we all need a little reminder to look forward instead of backwards. Fortunately for me, mine came from a kind soul by the name of Sandra Aldrich.

It was about seven years ago when I met her at a writer’s conference in Colorado. She had been assigned a table for the sole purpose of encouraging aspiring writers before they presented their works to editors from publishing houses. Sandra is diverse talent in that she is a speaker, writer, and was senior editor for Focus on the Family and has a knack for being pleasantly honest. I remember her crying with me after she read “The Wedding” which speaks of the loss of my daughter. She then revealed to me that she had lost her husband, Don, to cancer some twenty years before, when her two children were not yet teenagers.

Later that weekend, she asked me to sit at her table for dinner and shared a story with me that changed my perspective and helped me turn a corner. She could sense that I was still not over the loss of my daughter because I felt as if God was nowhere to be seen and had forgotten about me, causing me not to be able to move forward. It was then she shared a story with me about her son who was seriously ill when he was young. So in an effort to ease his pain she gave him a bath, but he was still inconsolable so instead of comforting him with words, she wrapped him in a towel and just held him in her arms. She then turned to me and said Aaron, “that is what God is doing with you right now, He has just wrapped His arms around you and is holding you tight.” Her words made sense to me because that was the only action I could understand.

Since then I talk to her several times a year via e-mail, because I cherish her wisdom and wit so much. There is something very admirable about Sandra and the way she lives her life with a forward thinking mentality. So, about a year ago I asked her for a picture of her husband so I could hang it on my Remember Me wall in my cubicle at work as a way of honoring Sandra. In the picture her husband, Don, is smiling, while he has an arm around his preteen son and daughter. Meanwhile, in the background hangs a paper butterfly on the front door barely visible to the human eye. He passed away from cancer months later leaving Sandra without a husband and the kids without a dad. When I look at this picture, I am struck by how like the butterfly, Sandra chose to make good out of a very difficult situation and pressed forward through the pain, like a caterpillar does. Sandra will not tell you this but she is a very special and rare person, because she doesn’t look back and blame the past. Every time I see her husband, Don, smile I am inspired not to give up.

Just recently Sandra shared this e-mail with me:

What fun to think about our eternity to catch up on stories in heaven. And I'll get to meet your sweet little girl and you can meet my husband. If you need directions to my place, my human mind offers these: My cabin is way in the back, set against a green hillside, and surrounded by flowering dogwood trees and eternally blooming violets.

Life can be hard, but as my friend, Sandra, has taught me, it never hurts at times to have little cabin fever and know there are better things, people and places to see and enjoy.

“Often, the best way to look at life is through the front windshield, not the rear view mirror.” ~ Steve Karabatos

Swavel

Nine Innings

The other day, I dusted this article off and found it was appropriate for a warm day just begging for nine innings to be played on it. Baseball is a way of redemption for me that allows me to reminisce, enjoy the present and ponder the future all at the same time. It was written some seven years ago, so keep in mind this was the spring of 2004.

1st Inning
“My son plays third base,” I proudly exclaim to any of my friends who would ask. Jordan is thirteen and playing baseball for his school. Quite frankly, I’m just thrilled that he can walk and the fact that he plays any type of position is a bonus. Only four years, before I wasn’t even sure if he would live or even survive after he sustained injuries in a car accident. Lucky dad.

2nd Inning
I can remember this past spring at one of his games as he came to the plate and after a few pitches he swung and connected and the ball sailed over the left fielder’s head. I was so proud of him. In my mind, it was a miracle he was even alive and now he was running. Deep inside me, as I waved him into second from the first base coach’s box, all I could think about was that’s my kid. Proud dad.

3rd Inning
It was just the other month that I was reading an article about a teenage baseball player who had suffered a serious injury affecting his ability to play for which the father blamed himself. Before the accident, both his parents held out such high hopes that one day he might be a professional ball player. As I read the article further, it was quite apparent that the parents were not dealing well with the loss of this dream as the mother blamed the father and the father felt absolutely guilty. Meanwhile, the son continued to attempt to play but was rendered less than ordinary. Trying to find a bright spot the article ended with the boy stating that if baseball did not work out his second choice would be the computer field. Distressed dad. Smart kid.

4th Inning
A few years ago I was attending one of my son’s fall baseball games. During the game the pitcher on the other team was struggling and the coach, who happened to be his dad, went out to discuss the situation with his son. What transpired next still perplexes me to this day. The father was quite upset and became very enraged with the situation and asked for his son to hand him the ball. The son flung the ball in anger in the dad’s general direction. The boy then proceeded to run as fast as his fifth grade legs would carry him into right field. Subsequently, the father used a few choice words and insulted his son’s manhood and proceeded back into the dugout. Misguided dad.

5th Inning
In my own personal baseball career, my dad never coached me on any of my teams, but as far back as I can recall he has come to almost every game I have ever been in. My most cherished memory is just playing catch with my dad in the backyard as a kid. He would usually say, when asked, that he didn’t have the time, but if I would get his baseball glove out of the bottom of his closet he would try to fit it in. The way my dad made time for me was more important to me than whether I was any good at the sport. Discerning dad.

6th Inning
A couple of weeks ago, I finally experienced something that I had never done in my entire softball career. I hit a homerun over the outfield fence. It felt good but not as fantastic as I thought it would. About 45 minutes later, the sky got very dark and because of the threat of lightning the umpire postponed the game. So, as I drove home under the gray conditions I felt somewhat mixed emotions. I was happy, but disappointed because my son and family were not there to witness the event. Funny how some things don’t seem as important if you don’t have your family there to share it. Melancholy dad.

7th Inning
A friend and fellow softball player once told me something very profound that I have never forgotten. We were talking after a softball game in which we suffered a heart breaking loss. It was a game we should have won by all rights, but due to the fact that it was too dark to see we could have rightfully protested and probably gotten the win. But as Rob and I sat there on that wooden bench we did not discuss such things. I can remember Rob turning to me, “well at least you still have your family to go home to.” Those words hit me right up the middle of my heart. Wise dad.

8th Inning
All Abner Doubleday did was to invent a game that consisted of four bases, a round object and a stick, for this, he is lauded as the father of baseball. Yet, a dad has the ability to do something of much greater importance. For instance, every time a dad takes his child fishing, to a movie, reads a book to them, takes them to a ballgame, or plays a video game with them he is creating a moment of significance in their life. By putting yourself on their level, you show genuine interest that will stand the test of time. Thoughtful dad.

9th Inning
Needless to say, the position my son plays or the fact that he plays baseball is not important at all. I am proud of Jordan because he is my son and have been since the first moment I cradled him in my arms and became his dad. Quite frankly, I’m just thrilled that he can walk and the fact that he plays any type of position is a bonus. And if you ask me now, I would gladly tell you with a big grin, “My son plays anywhere they need him.” Ecstatic dad.

“Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player.” ~ Author Unknown

Simply yours, Swavel

Smell the Coffee

What I love about coffee is it is part sedative, part motivator, and now part fund raiser all at the same time.

The reason I started this blog last May was to raise awareness about the adoption my family and I were pursuing at the time. Adoption is not for the faint at heart because it takes a continuous effort of filling out paperwork, meeting the country’s criteria, and paying fees when they become due. Overall, a very overwhelming process in which you can easily lose focus and heart. Yet, when the end result is finally realized, it becomes well worth the fight.

So, if the spirit leads, there is an interesting way for you to join us in our adoption journey. It’s real simple and you needn’t even leave your house. Just sit back in your computer chair, click on the JUST LOVE icon and purchase a bag of coffee. When you do my family gets $5 sent directly to our adoption agency, so everybody wins. You get a great cup of coffee and we get closer to bringing a child to their forever home.

I know a small thing like this may appear to have little effect on the big picture, but I disagree and so does Jesus. He said in Matthew 10:42, “And if you give even a cup of cold water to one of the least of my followers, you will surely be rewarded.”

That reminds me of the time this past winter when God used this verse on me. I was at a local Wal-Mart and it must have been about twenty degrees outside when I walked past the Salvation Army guy going in and then fifteen minutes later, walked past his partner on the way out. Earlier that day, I asked God to use me and the answer now seemed obvious. If I could not give out cold water, how about hot coffee for two freezing guys who were doing something noble. Somehow, their simple thank you and God bless you did more to warm my reluctant heart than the coffee actually did in warming them. It felt right to act on something instead of just driving away and thinking, “oh well, they’ll be warm soon enough,” when I possessed the ability to change their situation instantly.

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” ~Aesop

Swavel