Cabin Fever

There are certain times in life when we all need a little reminder to look forward instead of backwards. Fortunately for me, mine came from a kind soul by the name of Sandra Aldrich.

It was about seven years ago when I met her at a writer’s conference in Colorado. She had been assigned a table for the sole purpose of encouraging aspiring writers before they presented their works to editors from publishing houses. Sandra is diverse talent in that she is a speaker, writer, and was senior editor for Focus on the Family and has a knack for being pleasantly honest. I remember her crying with me after she read “The Wedding” which speaks of the loss of my daughter. She then revealed to me that she had lost her husband, Don, to cancer some twenty years before, when her two children were not yet teenagers.

Later that weekend, she asked me to sit at her table for dinner and shared a story with me that changed my perspective and helped me turn a corner. She could sense that I was still not over the loss of my daughter because I felt as if God was nowhere to be seen and had forgotten about me, causing me not to be able to move forward. It was then she shared a story with me about her son who was seriously ill when he was young. So in an effort to ease his pain she gave him a bath, but he was still inconsolable so instead of comforting him with words, she wrapped him in a towel and just held him in her arms. She then turned to me and said Aaron, “that is what God is doing with you right now, He has just wrapped His arms around you and is holding you tight.” Her words made sense to me because that was the only action I could understand.

Since then I talk to her several times a year via e-mail, because I cherish her wisdom and wit so much. There is something very admirable about Sandra and the way she lives her life with a forward thinking mentality. So, about a year ago I asked her for a picture of her husband so I could hang it on my Remember Me wall in my cubicle at work as a way of honoring Sandra. In the picture her husband, Don, is smiling, while he has an arm around his preteen son and daughter. Meanwhile, in the background hangs a paper butterfly on the front door barely visible to the human eye. He passed away from cancer months later leaving Sandra without a husband and the kids without a dad. When I look at this picture, I am struck by how like the butterfly, Sandra chose to make good out of a very difficult situation and pressed forward through the pain, like a caterpillar does. Sandra will not tell you this but she is a very special and rare person, because she doesn’t look back and blame the past. Every time I see her husband, Don, smile I am inspired not to give up.

Just recently Sandra shared this e-mail with me:

What fun to think about our eternity to catch up on stories in heaven. And I'll get to meet your sweet little girl and you can meet my husband. If you need directions to my place, my human mind offers these: My cabin is way in the back, set against a green hillside, and surrounded by flowering dogwood trees and eternally blooming violets.

Life can be hard, but as my friend, Sandra, has taught me, it never hurts at times to have little cabin fever and know there are better things, people and places to see and enjoy.

“Often, the best way to look at life is through the front windshield, not the rear view mirror.” ~ Steve Karabatos

Swavel

Let's Talk

Believe it or not, this was not how I planned on spending my Memorial Day weekend, on my posterior with my leg up. It does, however, give me a lot of time to feel sorry for myself. But somewhere in my head I heard a voice telling me to, "suck it up, Nancy," actually it was my sister-in-law. Then I turned my attention toward other things, namely this blog. I wonder at times if we all don't have thoughts like Jimmy Stewart's character did in, "It's a Wonderful Life" that the world might be better off without us and then unwittingly start to live a self-defeating life. We may never commit suicide, but we act so depressed and miserable that others tend to avoid us.

I speak from experience because when my seven year old daughter died, ten years ago, my heart was so broken I struggled in every aspect of life. Often I would ask questions like, "why" and my response always seemed to be, "I just don't know why" and in turn the answer would infuriate me. Maybe, and I'm just spit balling here, when I finally said, "why not" life started to become enjoyable again. When I started to take everyday as it came, not trying to analyze it so much, the color started to come back into life and the gray slowly faded. In time, I also started to smile more, whistle more, and sing along with songs on the radio again, poorly might I add, but in my own strange way I was living again.

One day I was driving, singing, and bobbing my head to a song on the radio when a truck full of construction workers began to make gestures ridiculing me, but I never noticed. My friends told me later that the guys in the truck just gave up in disgust when they couldnt get under my skin. Perhaps, we often focus too much on the negative, instead of the positive.

When I was an exterminator, there was certain customer I always looked forward to servicing on my route. He was an older, distinguished gentleman who had a particular way of putting me at ease. After every service, I would sit down at his kitchen table as he would get out a glass, add ice, and then pour me a Coke. We would then just talk about life, about the day, about family, about whatever. Just like two old friends would do. After about ten minutes, he would write me a check for the appropriate amount and I would pack up my stuff and leave. Somehow I always felt better when I left his house, I felt more alive.

Man vs. quad: Chalk one up for the quad because the last few days have been uncomfortable. A trip back to the doctor who ordered an ultrasound to check for clots. Thankfully no clots, but more elevation, ice, and meds. But, today is a new day, full of adjustments and full of hope.

Regardless of your circumstances, may it be said of you as it was Winston Churchill,"never surrender".

Swavel