What 'Perhaps' Is...

Perhaps you are wondering where I am going with this blog. Here it is. This blog is an attempt to encourage you to make a change for the better. Look at perhaps as a positive maybe. Instead of allowing life to make you bitter and frustrated, choose to make the world a better place because you are here.

Have you ever had a moment when you didn’t know if you could go on? I have. In the early morning of May 4th, 2000, my daughter had just passed away and I was beyond sorrow. The world as I had known it no longer existed and I was devastated. Yet, in my darkest hour came a small glimmer of hope. After she had passed, the nurse came to me and hidden in the palm of her hand was my daughter’s tooth, the one I had been trying to pull for weeks with no success.

In my worst moment, I had received the most precious gift in the world. The pain wasn’t taken away, but in that instant I was given a push in the right direction on how I should handle the rest of my life. There would still be many difficult hurdles to overcome and choices to make. Perhaps the best decision would be to live my life in such a way as to honor my daughter’s life and memory. The alternative was not a viable option. So, everyday when I try to wake up with a ‘perhaps’ type of attitude I put myself in a position to succeed.

Perhaps, the difficulty isn't really the problem, but rather how we approach the difficulty.

Swavel

Man vs. quad: On the road to recovery as I exercise my quad.

Let's Talk

Believe it or not, this was not how I planned on spending my Memorial Day weekend, on my posterior with my leg up. It does, however, give me a lot of time to feel sorry for myself. But somewhere in my head I heard a voice telling me to, "suck it up, Nancy," actually it was my sister-in-law. Then I turned my attention toward other things, namely this blog. I wonder at times if we all don't have thoughts like Jimmy Stewart's character did in, "It's a Wonderful Life" that the world might be better off without us and then unwittingly start to live a self-defeating life. We may never commit suicide, but we act so depressed and miserable that others tend to avoid us.

I speak from experience because when my seven year old daughter died, ten years ago, my heart was so broken I struggled in every aspect of life. Often I would ask questions like, "why" and my response always seemed to be, "I just don't know why" and in turn the answer would infuriate me. Maybe, and I'm just spit balling here, when I finally said, "why not" life started to become enjoyable again. When I started to take everyday as it came, not trying to analyze it so much, the color started to come back into life and the gray slowly faded. In time, I also started to smile more, whistle more, and sing along with songs on the radio again, poorly might I add, but in my own strange way I was living again.

One day I was driving, singing, and bobbing my head to a song on the radio when a truck full of construction workers began to make gestures ridiculing me, but I never noticed. My friends told me later that the guys in the truck just gave up in disgust when they couldnt get under my skin. Perhaps, we often focus too much on the negative, instead of the positive.

When I was an exterminator, there was certain customer I always looked forward to servicing on my route. He was an older, distinguished gentleman who had a particular way of putting me at ease. After every service, I would sit down at his kitchen table as he would get out a glass, add ice, and then pour me a Coke. We would then just talk about life, about the day, about family, about whatever. Just like two old friends would do. After about ten minutes, he would write me a check for the appropriate amount and I would pack up my stuff and leave. Somehow I always felt better when I left his house, I felt more alive.

Man vs. quad: Chalk one up for the quad because the last few days have been uncomfortable. A trip back to the doctor who ordered an ultrasound to check for clots. Thankfully no clots, but more elevation, ice, and meds. But, today is a new day, full of adjustments and full of hope.

Regardless of your circumstances, may it be said of you as it was Winston Churchill,"never surrender".

Swavel

Defining Moments

Our lives are defined by moments. Just two weeks ago, I had an awkward one when I landed on my knee trying to reach first base in a softball game. Then a week later, I had a painful moment when I discovered my injured knee was actually a ruptured quadricep muscle and would require surgery. This now becomes a trying moment full of choices and opportunities, like seeing my daughter in the morning, hearing the birds sing all day long, and writing whenever the mood strikes.

In a paragraph, I'm a 42-year-old guy who has been married for 21 years to the only girl I ever dated. The father of a college age son and two daughters; one who's address was changed to heaven 10 years ago (at the age of 7) and one who was born in China.

Here is some other pertinent stuff about me. In the past 25 years, I have had several jobs, some including: exterminator, upholsterer, limo driver, janitor, and courier. I have also written devotionals and contributed to a book. I usually enjoy playing softball, but since I'll be spending this softball season on my posterior, a friend suggested I start a blog.

Hope you come by often and 'perhaps' share in some old and new moments to come.

Swavel