Waking up

 

 

In a perfect world all the mornings would begin at 10 am.

To be honest, I hate waking up in the mornings.  However, I tolerate them.  So, my tried and true method, to at least get through, is drinking coffee and lying to myself. Then, the other week I made a profound discovery about waking up that encouraged me.

Just a week or so ago, I went on an architectural scavenger hunt to Center City Philadelphia with my eleven year old daughter and her class from school. My favorite part of the trip had to be walking around inside the historic Wannamaker Building.  Much to my delight there just happened to be a Starbucks coffee house inside. So, we took our place in line and waited.

After a ten minute wait, it was our turn.  During the interval I overheard the barista say something about waking up the customer’s cookie in front of us.  So, when I ordered a coffee for myself and a cookie for my daughter, I made it a point to have him repeat what he had just said. With a smile he repeated this phrase, “Do you mind if I wake up the butter in your cookie?”  My daughter exuberantly said, “Yes,” and he took her cookie warming it up for her in the microwave.  He was right; it certainly did taste better with the butter awakened.

My newly acquainted friend at Starbucks inadvertently reminded me that at times like these, we all need some waking up. However, as stated previously, waking up for me throughout my life has never been a strong suit.  Even when I am awake I still am not totally lucent.  For example, every morning I get up a half hour early, drink some coffee, pray a little and check on some sports’ scores.  Then I can embrace the morning much better and with much more clarity.

Yet, although I struggle with waking up, I believe it is an imperative in all our lives to be more intentional with how we spend our time.  We all need to be at our best for our own sakes and for those we interact with on a daily basis.  We need to be the best listeners.  We need to be kinder and gentler, while being less harsh.  We need to love like there is no tomorrow, especially when it comes to our loved ones.

So, regardless of whatever means you must use to be more awake and alert in your relationships I would implore you to keeping engaging those around you.  To be ignorant and sleepwalk through life should never be an option. 

Wake up and don’t let the barista at Starbucks be nicer to the ones you love than you are.

Swavel

The T-Shirt

In life, lots of little moments go into making the big ones.

Dark chocolate can best be described as mildly bittersweet.  Subsequently, this time of the year leaves me feeling that way. The reason is my oldest daughter, Alisha Erin, would have been twenty one yesterday on April 24^th, except for the fact that she changed her permanent address to heaven when she was seven.

Awkward, painful, and difficult used to sum up how I felt at this time of the year.  However, yesterday morning I found myself eating a Hershey’s special dark chocolate bar at 7a.m. feeling mildly bittersweet. Whenever you lose a child and their birthday rolls around you feel it. Try as you may, you feel it, coming and going. April 24^th is that way for me, although in the past few years I have found that the pain is fading.

This year I found myself pleasantly reminded of a story about my daughter, Alisha.  A month before she died she was playing in a youth basketball league at the YMCA.   She loved to play, but it was not her sport. The closest she came to scoring was when she hit the rim, and then I believe the ball hit her in the face. She had no clue, but loved doing her own thing.. Yet she would run around proudly with her gray t-shirt on with the number 4 on the back.

So, the next year when I came back to coach my son’s team I got into a conversation with another coach and my daughter came up in conversation.  I mentioned her death and he extended his sympathies and then asked what she liked best about basketball?  He interjected, was it the rules or running the plays?  No, I responded, “it was the t-shirt.” In hindsight I believe she just wanted to belong. Her brother had a shirt when he played and she wanted one, too.

I believe Alisha’s basketball t-shirt made her feel good about being part of something.  I can still see her in my mind’s eye with her brilliant blue eyes and long flowing brown hair with her deep raspy voice giggling, as she ran up and down the court with her sneakers flashing red lights with each step.  Alisha Erin had no five year plan or long term agenda in mind; she was simply just living life.

It’s crazy, but so many times we don’t live our life like someone who is enjoying the moment.  I know I have spent too much time yelling and taking life too seriously.  However, as mildly bittersweet as the t –shirt story is, it reminds me that Alisha lived her life like a washrag, and that she wrung every last drop out of it.  May we all do the same?

It is good to enjoy this life, like your favorite t-shirt knowing that someday it will wear it.

Swavel

 

 

Elevator Praying

 

The best way to fight evil is on your knees.

Lately, even though I know better, I have been fighting myself.  To be more specific, I had been trying to take on life by myself.  In times past I used to start the mornings alone on my knees.  Not as a matter of strength, but rather my own weakness.  I need to get back to that. 

This is a lesson I learned through tragedy.  It was a different time, a much more desperate time.   During this very trying period in my life, I spent much time in an elevator on my knees.  Long story short, several years ago members of my family were in the hospital.  Often, on my way up to visit them on the elevator, I would fall to my knees pleading with God to show mercy on my family. It didn’t matter to me if anyone else would see me or not when the doors opened, because I so needed God.

In particular this way of praying has been reinforced by this year’s viewing of the movie, Passion of the Christ, which is an annual thing for me.  Each year I view it I try to focus on a different facet and key phrase I missed the year before.  For example, one year I watched Jesus’ eyes and the compassion he showed to others.  And who can forget the phrase Christ utters from the cross to his tormentors, Father forgive them, they know not what they do.

However, this year it has taken me many sittings to get through the opening scene in the garden where Jesus was betrayed.  Sadly, I have gotten too easily distracted, too busy for Jesus.  Maybe I did not want to go through the painful minutes of seeing Jesus so badly treated.  Or like lately in the mornings I have chosen to try life my own way.

What has impressed me this year is when Jesus is on his knees talking to His Heavenly Father in the garden at midnight. He is pleading with God the Father to let this cup pass from Him.  Jesus then states, not my will be done, but thy will be done.  All the while, sweating drops of blood.  He knew he must be on the same page as God the Father, it wasn’t about Him.

There was another scene, particularly a phrase, that struck me later in the movie when Christ, bloodied and battered was carrying his cross though the streets.  It was a scene when Jesus’ mother, Mary, out of desperation said to John, help me get near him.  Subsequently, in the scene she is on her knees as she consoles her hardly recognizable son.   For me, that means to sacrifice convenience and trying to do things my way.  Meaning, much like Mary out of desperation, I need to begin each day alone on my knees elevator praying, getting close to Jesus.

For me it is simple, since Jesus hung in there for me on the cross, I need to daily fall on my knees and lean in to Him. 

Swavel

 

Whoa Moments

 

Some moments in life can only be summed up by the one single word; and that word is whoa.

Whoa moments come in both big and small sizes.  Here are some of mine, in no particular order….

Whoa is what I thought when I saw my best friend coming down the aisle to marry me.

Whoa is how it feels when a vehicle breaks down or an appliance dies and we hardly have enough money to fix it.

Whoa is what I felt like when I first held all my kids.

Whoa is the feeling that comes over me when I realize that my life has an expiration date, just like a carton of milk does.

Whoa is what my family tells me, sometimes quite often, when I do something they feel is a little inappropriate.

Whoa is what I say when a loved one or friend dies unexpectedly.

Whoa yeah is how I feel when my kids do something I knew they could do all along, but were afraid to try.

Whoa is what I feel like when I hear the birds singing before sunrise, as they gently remind me of what it must sound like in Heaven.

Whoa is how I feel after I kiss my wife goodbye in the morning before I leave for work. 

Whoa is what we all should do as a sincere gesture of respect when you see a funeral procession of cars coming in your general direction.

Whoa is what I thought when I  opened the lid of an organ bench at a yard sale to discover money inside meant  to help us adopt our youngest daughter.

Whoa is a word in a worship song that shows deep love and admiration for the God who knows our innermost secrets.

Whoa is what you say when God continues to convince grant agencies and a lot of other extraordinary people to empty their pockets to help you adopt your youngest daughter.

Whoa is the kind of living you should do outside the box (the casket), the only kind that will matter for all of eternity.

Whoa is how the faith of my wife and I twice felt when we went half way around the world to China, when we adopted our two youngest daughters.

Whoa is the peace that comes when I place my hope in God, instead of waiting on myself to figure out life’s uncertainties.

Whoa is the kind of pride that will swell up inside of me when I see my son graduate from college in a month after many years of hard work.

Whoa is what I feel like when I realize that I am not worthy of the love Jesus displayed for me on the cross, when He gave his life for mine.

Whoa, not oh no, is what I expect to say when I see my Maker face to face.

Swavel

Meant It

The beauty of baseball is that be considered a good hitter you need only succeed three out of every ten tries.

It has been well documented that one of the hardest things in sports to do is to hit a baseball.  This is a sentiment with which I can whole-heartedly agree.

Being a young adult male in the 1980’s I admired great hitters like Wade Boggs, Tony Gwynn, Don Mattingly and Cal Ripken, Jr.  They made it look easy.  Unfortunately, as an aspiring amateur fast pitch softball player in a men’s’ church league, I begged to differ because my swing was less hit and more miss. 

It was about 1987 and I was nineteen. I was new to the fast pitch sport, so I set out on a mission to become a good hitter.  However, I was a terribly inconsistent hitter and an average outfielder, consequently I got little playing time.

For about seven years I was the proverbial tiger chasing the tail, being a back-up or platoon player at best. I even bought books from great hitters like Dave Winfield and Ted Williams and studied their techniques, but without playing time I had uneven results.

But, in hindsight now I can attribute the hitting style I eventually learned to two guys. A guy named Tommy from my church softball league and a major leaguer named Mad Dog who swung a bat like he meant it.

In 1994 I joined a different fast pitch team where I played every day and one guy’s advice named Tommy Fowler changed my hitting fortune.  He was a veteran player, who taught me a practice swing that focused on a level cut.  Muscle memory was the key and I practiced it often. 

Then I had to develop a mindset of aggressive determination, which I believe emulated four time batting champ, Bill Madlock. His nickname was Mad Dog and the best way to describe his violent swing was he hit the ball like he meant it and he hit it hard making full contact.

So, once I got the level swing down, I started swinging like I meant it, similar to what I saw Mad Dog do over the years.  Since we were both right handed his short fierce stroke was what I tried to emulate.  The object was to hit the ball solid, like a hammer drives an unsuspecting nail into a wooden block.

Subsequently, once I got a chance to start every day I finally started hitting.  No longer was I an easy out anymore and even batted second for a while.  Playing like I meant it also inspired me to learn to play seven different defensive positions that year which helped me acquire a deeper understanding of the game.  Finally things were changing and the next year I was even asked to be the founding coach of my church’s softball team.

Anything can be accomplished; it often just takes a personal touch, lots of practice and sheer will power. 

Let it be said of you, whether trying to hit a baseball or trying to get ahead in life that you swung like you meant it.

Swavel

To Do

 

“Do or do not, there is no try.” - Yoda

Some images stay with you forever.  Like a gigantic fish encased in glass on a pier in Maryland does for me. Allow me to explain.

It was twenty five years ago when my wife and I were on our honeymoon in Ocean City, Maryland and I was still getting used to wearing a wedding ring.  We were walking on the boardwalk when we got to the end and there was this enormous, mounted  tiger shark staring at us.

This was no ordinary fish.  This tiger shark held the Maryland State Record weighing in at an incredible 1200 lbs.  Far more intriguing was the fact that the monstrous fish was caught on July 9^th, 1983 off the shore of Ocean City by a woman from Buffalo, New York, named Grace Czerniak.  Someone who I believe would best resemble your favorite aunt. 

Nowhere, on the plaque next to the shark, does it mention any personal statement from the angler about the struggle that ensued once she hooked the massive shark.  Nor, the actual length of time the battle endured.  The only evidence that she had to prove that she had done what she set out to do was an impressively large fish in a glass box.

It took Thomas Edison an epic amount of effort till he succeeded and invented electricity.  It took Walt Disney twenty years and a whole lot of persistence till he could get the rights to make the movie, Mary Poppins.  And it took it great endurance for Grace Czerniak, a middle aged woman from Buffalo, to land a shark off the shore of Ocean City, Maryland.  After great effort the final result was success.

Another prime example of this kind of effort can apply to marriage.  I did not promise to try my best twenty five years ago on March 24^th, 1989.  The vows I took to my wife were called I DO’s.  For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and health, till death do us part.  Now, that is something worth wearing a wedding ring for, which fits a lot tighter now, to remind me to do what I promised to do.

So, whether you are inventing something, taking on an exciting challenge, landing a shark or just loving your spouse always, seek to do it till you get it done.

Swavel

 

 

Slightly Confused

   

 

Good intentions are not always enough, so always have a good apology at the ready.

Confession is good for the soul, so here goes.  At times I get slightly confused. 

This can be aptly summarized by a moment that happened several years ago in my work parking lot.   A friend had told me he had some second-hand clothes for my daughter and that all I needed to do was go into his Honda Civic and take the bag of clothes.

On that particular day my friend was preoccupied with work, so I went looking for his Honda on my own.  I opened what I thought was my friend’s car, but to my chagrin I could not find the bag.  So, I began to rummage through his car.

Then out of nowhere, I was startled by an angry voice of an employee I did not know.  He was reprimanding me for going through his car and threatened to call security to apprehend me.   Feeling embarrassed, dumbfounded and slightly confused, quickly I started to apologize.  Seeing that I was in a dire predicament I tried in vain to explain that his Honda Civic generally fit my friend’s description.  

In an attempt to diffuse the already volatile situation I looked for a witness to help validate my point of view.  Fortunately I found a receptionist who had seen the whole disaster though her window and she substantiated that I was telling the truth. Soon afterward the frustrated employee relented and left the scene.

Now, when I look back at my parking lot debacle it makes me chuckle. I may be slightly confused at times, but it is great reminder that regardless of the gaffe I can still laugh at myself.  

Better to be slightly confused and have a sense of humor, than to be angry with none at all.

Swavel

 

 

Facing Fear

 

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”  FDR

In times like these we tend to fear things. Like fear of the unknown, the fear of losing our jobs, fear of dying.  Mostly, I think we fear the loss of control and the inability to protect those we love.

Jesus said, “Do not fear those who kill the body, but cannot kill the soul.”  Rather, we should attempt to be like the Psalmist who says, “And now Lord, what do I wait for?   My hope is in you.”

Now, that sounds all spiritual, but, fear still sounds scary to me.  However, if I say I trust in God I need to live that way.  Therefore, despite my apprehension I must push past what I feel.

Here is a list of some fears that I struggle with from time to time, in no particular order:

-Fear of my family’s future.  Long story short but life has taught me that I need to do my part, but my family is in God’s hands and that is where they are safest.

-Fear of the unknown.  I say I trust God with everything, yet I am inconsistent.  He can see yesterday, today and tomorrow all at the same time and yet I have trust issues.  I need to let God deal with the unknown.

-Fear of dying.  The older I get the more I think we are just passing through and all our bodies are just rentals.  Not to mention, if Jesus says heaven is far better than here, who am I to question.

-Fear of not being good enough. This is a work in progress in my life because I want to be content, without being indifferent. 

-Fear of failure.  At least for me, I have begun to embrace the fact that I fail a lot and store away the knowledge I gain through difficulty, then use it at a later date.

-Fear of the dark.  Not so much anymore, seems I am outgrowing that one.  Now, I am more afraid of what is in the darkness. 

Fear of sharks. Sounds silly I know because I have a better chance of being hit by lightning than getting attacked by a Great White.  However, sharks are a lot like other intimidating situations in life that bare their teeth and at full speed take a run at us seeking to destroy us.

-Fear of being paralyzed or getting Alzheimer’s. Lately, I’ve been reading the book, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. that was written by a forty year old man who had locked-in disorder.  I know this may be getting worked up over nothing, but what illness may befall your body cannot always be avoided.  See fear of the unknown.

- Fear of evil.  It is everywhere and seems so intimidating and overwhelming, yet evil will not win the day.  Like Edmund Burke once said, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

“One fear I need never have is the fear of not knowing God.”
Swavel

Ashtray Solution

 

“Don’t mock it, till you try it.”

 

Some things in life make little or no sense.  No matter how hard you try to figure it, certain things just work.

 

 For example, currently the heater fan at times  in my 1997Olsmobile  will suddenly stop working.  All I do is open the ashtray and slam it quickly shut until the yellow light comes on and I have heat again. Hence, the ashtray solution.  Allow me to explain.

 

Sometime during the past summer I discovered that the fan that controls the air conditioner and the heater stopped working.  Strangely, however my bipolar fan would kick back on periodically on its own. 

 

To make sure this wasn’t too big a problem I called my mechanic and he said that it was an electrical problem that was hard to diagnose and use it till the fan dies.    So, I just put up with this scenario and decided to wait it out.

 

It was sometime in early December when I stumbled upon the  ashtray solution.  I needed my defroster to work so I could clear my front windshield of ice.  In an act of frustration I quickly opened and then slammed my ashtray shut.  Somehow I thought it might work, like when you hit the dash in your car to convince the c d player to stop skipping, and to my surprise it did.  Truly, it was a McGyver moment. 

 

Then at Christmas time my electrical engineering son was home from college.  He took a look and said he knew what the problem was, but didn’t have the equipment to tear my dash apart properly.  With that being said I didn’t want to stretch my luck too far and I set up a appointment with a mechanic to get properly fixed.

 

So, I said all that to tell you that two months after it was fixed I hit a pothole and the heater died again.  So I am back to using the ashtray solution again.  Go figure, it works so why fight it.

 

In my life, I have discovered when things go wrong it always better to laugh than cry and if the opportunity presents itself, slam the ashtray shut real quick.

 

Swavel