Ignore the Dog

 Encouraging bad behavior is akin to allowing a bull to roam free in a china shop...

Here is a fact:  I am not a dog person.  Rather, I would like to be characterized as a dog appreciator because there is something unique a dog can give to their owner.

About two months ago, my family and I got a dog.  His name is Jax.  We found him at an SPCA and after a week of searching other places we decided to get him.  He is a five and half years old, Jug, which is part Jack Russell and part Pug.  Jax is a great dog and that is saying a lot since dogs and I are not usually best of friends.

The main reason our family decided to get a dog is because of our daughters.  We wanted our youngest daughter to learn to connect with dogs, so one day she can get her own seeing-eye dog and get around on her own. Owning a dog also provides an excellent opportunity for our oldest daughter to gain valuable responsibility taking care of him and garner some companionship as well.

The one annoying habit our dog displayed initially was bark uncontrollably when we come home from somewhere.  To remedy the problem, we watched a dog trainer video on you-tube.  His advice was simple - IGNORE THE DOG.  Amazingly, it works like a charm.  Often when I come home, I talk under my breath to remind myself - ignore the dog.

The premise of ignoring the dog works because the animal reacts to us.  If we yell when we get home, he gets excited and responds accordingly.  If we stay calm, he stays calm. What a great lesson from man’s best friend.

Many successful people are known for being at their best when things are at their worst or most stressful. There are many words to describe it: unflappable, irascible, undeterred, regardless, cool as a cucumber, calm and collected. It is almost as if things slow down for some people when things are going crazy all around them.

 

Here are a few examples of those who have ignored the dog and done what needed to be done:

·         Early in his pro basketball career, Michael Jordan’s critics claimed that his jump shot wasn’t good enough. So, in the off season, he took hundreds of shots every day until he became what many now consider one of the greatest basketball players of all time.

·         Throughout her life, Mother Teresa, set out to love the least of these, the little orphans of India.  Regardless of how small and frail her stature was, she didn’t stop until God took her home.

·         Despite being President during the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln persevered till he freed the slaves, despite being hated and eventually assassinated.

·         Then there is Joni Erickson Tada who despite being paralyzed in her late teens did not let her wheel chair keep her down.  With God’s help, over thirty years ago, she established a ministry called, Joni and Friends, which supports and aids the handicapped community worldwide.

The art of remaining calm and confident is one we should all strive to master. Whether it is just training our dog to behave, or doing something of critical or eternal significance.

Ignore the dog or whatever it is that tries to drag you down to its level.

Swavel

Six key Phrases

Most times when it comes to talking – less is more.

Wisdom can be acquired from sources we never thought would teach us a flipping thing. For instance, a stuffed animal belonging to my two daughters, named Mr. Bunny, has taught me a lot over the years.

Several years ago, Mr. .Bunny was created by my now twelve year old daughter, Sianna, at the Build-A-Bear Workshop.  It was there that she put a voice chip in it with six key phrases, mostly terms of affection that are short, but to the point.  Then a few years later in 2012 as a token of friendship, she gave it to her new sister, Lia, when we met her in China.  Since that time, Mr. Bunny has become a mainstay and source of connection.  Now, just about every night when I say goodnight to Lia I ask her to push the stuffed rabbit’s button for a key phrase. 

 So, I thought I would share the six key phrases Mr. Bunny speaks when you press his button.

 I love you-   These are the three most important words we should all speak and show to our loved ones.  This is especially important to kids when they are young, because love is something we all seek.  This is just my opinion, but there are many people who have lost their way because they have felt unloved in life.  However, it is a two way street and even if you are feeling unloved, you can display love and break the cycle.

Give me a hug-   To be physically affirmed for a child is a big deal.  A genuine “I got you” kind of hug speaks volumes. It has been said that during a tragedy often we can’t hear God speaking because He is silently wrapping His arms around us in a comforting embrace.  The thought is that actions speak louder than words because there are times that words just seem useless.  Showing you care seems to be the way to go because it is so much more tangible.

Let’s go home -   Most people want a place they can call home.  Not to mention, almost everyone wants to belong somewhere. Sadly some lose their way in life seeking to belong to a group they shouldn’t, simply because of a desire to be accepted.  Home is that one place that we all should be able to count on going to when the day is over.  Home sweet home is more than a nineteenth century song, it is a place that grants pleasure, security and relief when one returns to it.

I’m so happy, you’re my new best friend-   Another thing that many of us like to do is to make new friends.  The thing about a friend is you must be one to have one.  Better yet, like so many kids, we like to claim we have a best friend.  If you have had more than two or three best friends in your life you should consider yourself lucky, just because best friends are so hard to come by at any age.  Loyal, brave and true is what sums up a best friend and something everyone should have in their life.

Let’s play-  There is just something about play that gets the brain going and the blood flowing the way it should.  Just like the old proverb says, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.  Although, one can’t play all the time, if one can play well with others it is a huge attribute.  Not to mention, it speaks well of his character.  While on the other hand, “doesn’t play well with others “is a moniker we should try to avoid at all costs.

What’s your name? -  A name is important because this is how people identify you and know who you are.   Often how people say your name, first or last, tells you a lot about where you stand or what they think about you.   There was a time when a family name meant something.  It still should and it should be more important than just protecting the brand, which so many people seem obsessed with these days.

The truth be told, we should all seek to be using re-affirming words and actions more often and not leave it up to stuffed rabbits to do the important stuff.

Six key phrases of affection toward the ones we love should just be a warm up exercise for more to come.

Swavel

 

Over Inflation

 

The next big thing is what too many of us are chasing, without anything to show for it.

We live in a world where its’ inhabitants are full of self-absorption, excessiveness and in constant need of stimulation.  This in turn leads to a lot of excessive hype or over inflation.   From radio advertising to TV programs and commercials, to gimmicks online, the list goes on and on.  Everybody, or so it seems, is trying to sell you something that they feel you need now.

So many people it appears love buzz and drama to the point they can hardly bear to be without it.  It’s the kind of hype that sets the stage for an exciting climax.   For example, American Idol loves to say- and the winner is…you’ll find out right after this important break. so don’t go anywhere.

Maybe the problem is us.  Some of us love to hear ourselves talk, and since it sounds so good, therefore it must be true.   We have no facts, just here-say to back up our theories.  But, often in the light of day, hype gets exposed for what it truly is- nonsense.  Hype is a lot like the fog right before the sun rises over a lake, but when the fog lifts we are so sorely disappointed.

Overhyped to me is also when we, like Cleveland Browns’ quarterback, Johnny Manziel, pre-celebrate before we have accomplished a thing.    Too many of us are into feeling good about ourselves before we have finished the job and often find ourselves in trouble for our lack of real production.

In the past few weeks I have run into two prime examples and one timeless example of over inflation.  Allow me to share:

1- The annual National Football League draft.  My biggest problem with the draft, which was held on the weekend of April 30^th, is that it’s like a giant chess game that takes too long. This year I listened to about 10 minutes, which felt like a giant pep rally to me. Years ago, we sports’ junkies just read about the results in the newspaper.  Now, we need months of hype and predictions, which are seldom right, about whether which quarterback is more pro ready or if a wide receiver can fit a certain scheme or not.  In my opinion, the people who follow the draft are like a guy who bets on horses because he has nothing better to do, so as to amuse himself.

2- The Mayweather vs. Pacquiao fight.  Promoters were billing the boxing match on May 2^nd, 2015 as the fight of the century.   However, it appears a large part of our country seemed unimpressed with the lackluster bout, which Floyd Mayweather won by decision in twelve rounds.  People even wanted their money back and at least thirty two people filed a class action lawsuit alleging that the losing boxer, Manny Pacquiia, should have disclosed an shoulder injury before the fight.  Strange to me that we can expect compensation for something we have no control over.

3- Then there are the lemmings.  Almost mythical creatures that are small, short tailed rodents found in the Arctic tundra. The misconception surrounding lemmings is that they will follow their leader and jump off a cliff after his example; rather it is a migratory behavior.  This reminds me a lot of the Pied Piper. As most of us know, this is the famous story about children from a small village who followed a flutist wherever the sound lead them.  Sometimes we can be led astray, if we are not discerning, because we can get drawn in by someone else who we are willing to follow.

The point I am trying to make is that all around us people love hype because far too many of us want to feel good.  Not to mention the promise of risk and adventure that often comes with such chatter.  When and if it doesn’t turn out then they change the subject or like an addict look for their fix..  Our lives needn’t be so shallow.

Hype or over inflation can be simply deflated by just being contented that one is alive.

Swavel

 

Stop & Think

Some things in life have questions without tangible answers.

Here are two questions that make we stop and think: 1-What happens when you die?  2- What makes some people hurt others?

First, what happens when you die?  

  

Tricky question to answer in a way. My answer cannot be proven to you beyond a shadow of a visual doubt. All I can tell you is no one can show you all the seen evidence you might want.  This is a matter of faith.  Faith in a unseen God who sent His visible Son, Jesus, down from Heaven to save our very souls.

Some doubt God exists, some doubt Jesus was God in human form, some believe this is a personal matter to be left alone.  While many people believe other various actions will grant them entrance into Heaven. Some just hope that they are doing enough.

The truth is one day we will find out when we meet our Maker, unless you are atheist and then you just fade away.  I bring up this question not to argue, but I believe Jesus is the only answer.  It’s just like He said, I am the way, the truth and the life and In my Father’s house are many mansions, if it were not so I would have told you.  Not to mention the Bible says that Jesus is the same, yesterday, today, and forever and in Him I have guaranteed hope. However, without God in the equation there is always doubt, hopelessness and fear involved.

Second, what makes some people hurt others? 

When I see harm being done from one person to another, it often seems to me to be fueled by anger and uncertainty.  It can be a parent who withholds his love but pours out his anger on his child. There are children who steal and commit crimes citing they were neglected or abused.  Then there are others who are just disgruntled that life has done them wrong as they lash out almost randomly at whoever annoys them.  The list goes on and on, often turning them into victims and paralyzing them emotionally while inciting their anger at others.

 

In all our lives, we have either been hurt or else harmed someone ruthlessly. It has been said that hate is just frustrated love.  Often we hurt others just because we don’t like something about them or they remind of us someone who irritates us or who even knows why.  Many times I think people are just too busy thinking about today to worry about other people’s feelings.

Again, I have no 100% answer to this problem, but God solved hate by giving and forgiving.  Easter and Christmas emphasize His intentions wholeheartedly. Thankfully, God showed us love, not the hate we often show those we get fed up with from time to time.

Stop and think about this: what happens next is already a certainty with God. 

Swavel

 

Exercising Grace

We can’t help for growing old, but we sure can contribute to growing old gracefully.

Real life is often more stirring than fiction.  Well, at least that’s what I discovered about a week ago while I was out having Starbucks’ coffee with a friend.

We had been having a great time catching up and were on our second cup, when nature called.   As I entered the hallway to the bathroom I saw a disappointing sight.  A middle aged Asian woman was trying to turn the door handle on the Ladies’ room when all of a sudden the door flew open.  It was an elderly lady, albeit the grumpy old kind and she was full of insults for the apparently nice Asian woman.  The grumpy old lady started off with “You could have at least let me get out first.” Then, rest of the insults just sounded like one of Charlie Brown’s teachers: blah, blah, blah, blah….

After all that anger polluted the air, the grumpy old lady left the hallway.  Then something refreshing filled the air when the poor insulted Asian lady spoke.  In a matter of a fact way she hit me with this nugget of truth.  In broken English she said when she got older hopefully she wouldn’t be so grumpy, but wished she would GROW OLD GRACEFULLY.

No life better exhibited growing old gracefully than holocaust survivor and author of the book, The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom.  She exercised grace up until the day she met her Maker at the age of 91.  Most definitely she is someone I would like to meet when I get to Heaven. 

This wonderful lady had every right to be a grumpy old lady, especially since she lost many family members who died in concentration camps.  Corrie is a great example of grace, in that she had lived through great acts of evil, yet through the power of God forgave even her own Nazi captor, who had contributed to her sister’s death. 

Too many times in anger or frustration, we have all lashed out on others when we feel we are being taken advantage of unfairly. However, in so doing our point is often totally lost because of the way we presented our argument.  

Grace allows us a better option than just leaving a mess behind.  Life, just like when you fry bacon, often makes a greasy mess and we must choose to put a lid on it and turn down the heat by using grace.  Or we can let it splatter by letting our anger out.  The choice is ours, but these days I’m keeping a lid handy.

Exercising grace is the best way I know how to counteract all the jerks in the world.

Swavel

Having A Moment

Every man dies.  Not every man truly lives.  William Wallace

 

We all get misty sometimes.  Especially, when we think of what might have been. It’s OK to have a moment and cry and miss someone or just be sad.  Then take that memory, make it smile and go forward in your life.

Here are two recent personal examples of having a moment:

Example A- 

Just the other day I saw what might have been.  It was a Saturday morning and we needed milk for cereal, so I drove to the local gas station to get some.  It was with milk in hand that out of the corner of my eye I saw a young girl in her early twenties.   She was nicely dressed with a white blouse, bright blue belt, matching purse and a plain ankle length skirt.  Something, in an innocent way, seemed familiar about her. 

Then as I got into my car to leave I saw her fueling up her car, which was an older foreign model.  Who knows where she was going, just starting her day off or setting out on an adventure?    It made no sense why this young girl in her twenties, had caught my attention.  Then, it hit me, she reminded me of my daughter, Alisha, who would have been about her age, if she were still alive. 

 So, as I drove by the girl in the bright blue belt and purse I smiled to myself, remembered my daughter and had a moment.  Not angry, just reflective.  Personally, I was happy to see others making their way in the world and content to know my daughter is safe in the arms of Jesus.  Till that great day when I can hold her again, I will try to keep taking one day at a time.  Just like the girl at the gas pump, as she treated life like a big adventure, moving ever forward.

Example B- 

This was one of those tear jerking occasions I saw coming, but refused to get out of the way. This past October my niece, Erica, asked me to join her in the father-daughter dance at her wedding.  Her dad had died in 2009 and could not fulfill his privileged obligation and my daughter, who I would never get to dance with, had died when she was seven.  We both knew it wouldn’t be easy, not to mention my dancing skills are awful.  However, to not dance would be us not making the most out of a difficult situation.  Love for my niece and wanting her to have a good memory on her wedding day made me try regardless of the outcome.

Out on the dance floor, despite my two left feet, something wonderful was transpiring.  When the song, You’ll Be in My Heart from the movie Tarzan, played I began to cry, even though I knew it was coming. These were the last words I had sung to my daughter before she died, because it was her favorite song. Then, my niece began to cry. 

Halfway through she even offered to let me off the hook, but the moment needed to be had.  I apologized for my lousy skills and she reminded me her dad was a white guy who couldn’t dance either.  Then something magical happened, we began to laugh and eventually smile. As I turned her round and around in circles, I was hoping the song would end so we could stop crying and at the same time hoping it would last a bit longer.  As it ended I kissed Erica on the cheek, said something mushy and disappeared into the crowd, so I could be alone with my thoughts.

Life is seldom fair.  However, that evening I learned this, healing begins by crying, eventually turns to laughter, and ends in a smile, if you let it. 

Having a moment to honor those we love is natural; just don’t waste your life wallowing over what might have been.

Swavel

Curious Instructions

If you think you’re going to sum up your whole life on this little bit of paper, you’re crazy. (fortune cookie saying)

Who doesn’t love fortune cookies and the crazy things they often reveal to us.  Hidden inside these cookies made of flour, sugar, vanilla and sesame oil are curious instructions chock full of profound thoughts, unusual notions and zany ideas.

Here are some facts you may or may not have known about fortune cookies, which I find particularly nasty to eat.  They are not sold in China.  By all accounts, fortune cookies originated in Japan.  A large majority of the actual cookies are produced in Brooklyn, New York, where they produce over four million a day.  And most of the sayings come from a company based in San Francisco.

So, in honor of this strange little treat, I decided to gather a bunch of sayings that I believe you would or could find when you open up a fortune cookie:

PROFOUND THOUGHTS

Be resolved and the thing is done.

Our pleasures are shallow, our troubles deep.

A cynic is only a frustrated optimist

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind, and won’t change the subject

UNUSUAL NOTIONS

One foot cannot stand in two boats at once.

You cannot clap with one hand.

A conclusion is simply a place where you got tired of thinking.

He who throws dirt is losing ground.

ZANY IDEAS

Never set the tiger free, if you live in the mountain. 

Never forget a friend, especially if he owes you. 

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? 

When in anger sing the alphabet

With all that said, remember it is always good to gather information through life experiences.  Fortune cookies are a great reminder to allow yourself to be inspired by what we see and hear every day.  And at the same time, like with fortune cookies, we need to be discriminating when we encounter something utterly ridiculous and  hit the mental delete button.

Like in life, when reading curious instructions always take the good with the bad.

 

Swavel

Double Order

 

Pleasant childhood memories refresh even the weariest of souls. 

If the truth be told, from time to time we all long to feel special.

About a month ago, I was researching famous first lines of novels when I came across an curious first line, from a book entitled, One Hundred Years of Solitude.  “Many years later as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice. 

It got me to thinking about several occasions in my childhood when my grandfather took me out for a double order of French fries at his favorite diner. The occasion was usually my birthday and we would arrive at his favorite diner just as breakfast was ending and lunch was beginning. My grandfather was a rotund, shorter, balding man whose voice I could listen to all day.  He was the kind of person who had an air of confidence that I admired and sought to have for myself.  During these special occasions he would order some eggs and coffee and I’d get a double order of as many diner French fries they could pile on a plate. On rare occasion they would even offer a triple order of fries.   Now that was living.

To this day, I can still smell the scent of greasy food and cigarette smoke coming from the diner, as well as hear the dishes clanking as the bus boy collected them.  In my mind’s eye, I can also still see the waitress smile and ask my grandfather who he had brought today.  It is hard to do justice to such a memory that just made me feel so special.  It just had an electric feel about it that you just don’t forget, like it just happened yesterday.  It made me feel secure, comfortable and grown up all at the same time.  Not to mention, I loved eating those greasy fries smothered in ketchup.  But, mostly I think it was just being in the company of someone I deeply admired and loved.

 

It is a strange thing how childhood memories can transport us back in time to a safer place where the world seemed a little less cruel.  Just like the man in the book, One Hundred Years Of Solitude, who was fondly remembering discovering ice, right before he was about to die in front of a firing squad.

  

We all should have some good kind of memory to pull from to help us through the rough spots in life. A moment  when someone took the time to make us feel special and loved; to talk to us like we were a grown-up, even though we weren’t yet.   With that being said, may we all look for opportunities  with the ones we love to reciprocate  the same kind of experience we hard, when our souls smiled.

Cherished memories, like a double of fries with your grandfather, are special treasures God grants to us to make life a little easier to bear up under. 

Swavel