Slow Burn

One of my favorite after Christmas activities is to burn the trash. It is a quiet moment I can enjoy as the wrapping paper slowly burns. The burning paper, as it emits differnet colors like a kalediscope, reminds me of how fleeting and temporal things are. Yet at the same time encourages me how I need to stay bright. This process also reminds me of one of my favorite movies, A Christmas Carol.

I made some observations from the 1951 movie, A Christmas Carol, which I believe relate. One of the scenes is when Scrooge is visited by the Ghost of Christmas Present. The scene begins as Scrooge enters a room and the ghost, who appears to be a king on his throne, is seated next to a fireplace surrounded by a feast.

Scrooge responds negatively to the ghost after he has been shown the positive aspects of Christmas, “I am too old, I am beyond hope, go and redeem some younger, more promising creature and leave me to keep Christmas in my own way.”

The Christmas spirit replies, “Mortal, we spirits of Christmas do not live but only one day of the year, we live the whole three hundred and sixty five. So is it true of the child born in Bethlehem, he does not live in men’s hearts only one day a year, but in all the days of the year. But you have chosen not to seek him in your heart. Therefore you shall come with me and seek him in the hearts of men of goodwill.”

Of course at the end of the movie, Scrooge decides to change his life for the better and set fire, so to speak, his old way of doing things. A line that exemplifies this is when Scrooge apologizes to his nephew, Fred, admitting the error of his ways, “Can you forgive a pig headed old fool for having no eyes to see with, no ears to hear with, for all these years?”

But my favorite part is at the very end, when the narrator states….

“Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more; and to Tiny Tim, who did not die, he was a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world. Some people laughed to see the alteration in him, but he let them laugh, and little heeded them; ………….and it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us!”

Just imagine, if we all lived life with such enthusiasm, it would be like a slow burn no one could refute.

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Crooked Logic

Ever find yourself going back in time? It happens to me every year when I get the Christmas decorations out of the shed. The whole experience always makes me get all nostalgic. It seems to me we all have our favorite decorations that make Christmas, well Christmas for us and until we find said items the festivities cannot truly begin.

In our family my youngest daughter has her Hallmark China Christmas ball, my son has various Chicago Bears ornaments, and I have a homemade snowman from a childhood friend. But, my wife has a special candy cane we always must locate before anything can really begin. Allow me to explain.

Several years ago, I came home one December day to find my six-year-old, eldest daughter had been out Christmas shopping and had selected a unique gift for her mom. Alisha was so proud of the lawn ornament sized candy cane she had purchased that despite the persistence of her brother and I refused to exchange it for a more suitable gift.

When Christmas arrived my wife opened her gift from our daughter as I snickered and smugly opened a can of chips Alisha had given to me. At the time, I appeared to have the more appropriate gift. As it turned out six months later, our daughter, Alisha, at the age of seven would change her address to Heaven.

Each year I am reminded as I look at the candy cane, that hangs in our house in a place of prominence, that the most unlikely gifts truly hold the most eternal significance. God, like the shepherd's cane, seems to use crooked logic to remind us what is most important during the Christmas season, His son, Jesus. It truly is the best gift that we could ever give or receive; yet so often to our discredit we would rather receive a can of chips.

“Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift.” 2 Corinthians 9:15


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It Still Rings True

When it comes to being thankful, I need look no farther than my left hand when I catch a familiar glimpse of my wedding ring. I have worn a gold band proudly for twenty-one years and can never recall a day I have not worn it. To me, it is a reminder of a commitment to my wife that I will remain true.

Several years ago a car commercial by Hyundai was asking, why commitment doesn’t play a larger role in our lives? They flashed a picture of a bride onto the screen and said, “If you don’t like your spouse, get a new one.” Quite frankly, I don’t know why our culture places such a low priority on commitment. Perhaps it stems from the fact that we tend to be a microwave society and want everything immediately.

Here is my synopsis on marriage. The stats, from what I can gather, tell me one in two marriages will end in divorce. That is a flip of the coin. Marriage is a risk, like playing the stock market. So in my case, I am going to fully invest in my marriage. My wife and I have buried a child together and buried the hatchet on several other occasions. We have survived the worst and have grown through it.

One of the best moments of my life, was when my wife came down the aisle. Over time I have realized every day I am given a gift from God to love my wife a new, just like He loves me. How can I show her mercy, grace, love and listen to what she is really trying to tell me. Huge task I know, but that is what I agreed to when I put on my gold ring and that is why it takes a lifetime to complete.

During this Thanksgiving season, I will give thanks for the one woman who slipped a special ring on my finger, some twenty years ago. It will take death to remove it and in my case, weight loss.

“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” ~ Leo Tolstoy

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Whitens Teeth

Have you ever read something that made you say “duh”? The other evening I was at the kitchen table when I read this, “God is complex” to which I replied, “really”? Then later that evening I made another stunning discovery when I found myself reading a tube of toothpaste. Allow me to explain….

This is what I read: Whitens teeth; releases pure oxygen bubbles for a clean fresh sensation; and deep cleaning action removes plaque. Then I read the dentist’s advice which was to brush twice a day, floss daily, and visit your dentist regularly. All this made absolute sense.

Then I read some more stuff that made absolutely no or little sense. I read the ingredients: sodium monofluorophosphate, hydrated silica, sodium bicarbonate, titanium dioxide, calcium peroxide, pentasodium triphosphate, tetrasodium pyrophosphate, carrageenan, cellose gum, FD&C blue no. 1, D&C yellow no. 10. This was far too complicated leaving me in a state of “huh”.

My bottom line is this, I understand the directions because they were simple and full of common sense, yet the ingredients were highly confusing. After a visit online I received a better comprehension, but it was still beyond me. So, despite the fact I have no idea what half the ingredients are I faithfully use the toothpaste. Why? I trust the results and the maker to do what it claims because the toothpaste makes my breath fresh, whitens my teeth and fights cavities. Good enough for me.

So, even if I can’t fully understand God with my finite mind I trust Him because I see his handiwork all around me such as the sunrise, the stars in the sky, the change in the seasons and how His mercies seem new to me every morning. Call me simple but if I can trust toothpaste to whiten my teeth I can trust God to do whatever He wants in my life.

“If we could always predict what God would do, then God isn't God. But since we can't put Him in a box and He works in such wondrous ways, He's proved Himself to be God.” Author Unknown

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What Color is God?

The answer to what color God is lies in the title of my favorite book, “The Color of Water.” It is one of the most interesting titles I have ever heard. Why, I’ll tell you.

The title of this book was derived from a conversation the author, James McBride, had with his mother when he asked her what color God was and she responded, “the color of water.” The subtitle and premise of the book is this: A black man’s tribute to his white mother. The book is a unique blend of his mother’s life one chapter and then his the next. This book is a testament to how life can seem so messy at times, but as we progress we see the work of art our life becomes.

McBride wrote this book to honor his mother, even though while he was growing up he didn’t understand her and a lot of the things she did. She was a Jewish woman born in 1921 who was considered dead by her family when she married an African American man. The author was raised in Brooklyn’s Red Hook projects with an eccentric mother who was widowed twice and was the mother of twelve children. Her two driving forces were God and that her children get an education, primarily college.

There are few books I actually read all the way through, yet it was a welcome elixir for my soul at a time after I had suffered great loss. This book brought me back to reality and also helped me escape my hardships at the same time.

Although I enjoyed reading this book, I probably would never have picked it up had I not met James during a service call, while I was an exterminator several years ago. He was a unique and engaging man in his forties with a quick wit, someone you would want to hang out with. After we talked for a while he gave me a signed copy addressed to all the members of my family. Usually an author’s signature is not something I value, but genuine thoughts like his are. It was his personal touch that helped me embrace this book.

So that is why "The Color of Water" is my favorite book. Not because James McBride is a renowned jazz musician or a onetime writer for the Washington Post, but because he became real to me and I wanted to know more from someone whose perspective fascinated me. It was as if he were speaking the words to me and only me. His book encouraged me to keep on trying despite how hard life can be at times and never be afraid to ask questions, even if the answers are illusive.

“The worth of a book is to be measured by what you can carry away from it.” James Bryce

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I Shall Not Want

Who has not gone to a funeral and flipped the bulletin over to read the most famous passage on comfort of all time, Psalm 23. You need read no further than the first line, “The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want…..” For some reason, it has become a theme in my life that I have begun to embrace. Here is why.

When I look at this passage, I am reminded how much I am like the stinky sheep the shepherd in this verse is tending. I do not have it together, not even by a long shot.

Here are the two things I want to say about sheep:

The bad news first, sheep stink and they tend to do their own thing. They are irrational and blind to the needs of others. Sound familiar. Hey, that is what I do a lot. I sure don’t like being called out, but it certainly is the truth. Often because of their foolishness, the shepherd must waste his time rescuing them from barb wire fences, mud, or from walking around in circle. Sheep are easily led astray and often are lured to their death by their enemies.

Now here is the good news, when they listen to the shepherd they tend to ‘go all out’ because when they believe something they are all in. I think that is the, "I shall not want" part. When I do what I want, the end result is often difficulty, but when I do what the shepherd wants life becomes good.

So where am I going with all this sheep stuff, actually it’s pretty simple. Whether we like it or not, or at least for me, I know I am a mess on my own, but when I follow the Good Shepherd, Jesus, everything turns out alright. For me it is not a case of what I know, but who I know. I think all sheep like me should adopt Lord Alfred Tennyson famous quote, “Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die”.

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Spare Change

There is a very special pink purse that hangs on my bedpost. It contains only four dollars and some spare change, but to me that little pink purse is priceless because it belonged to my first daughter. The money has been in this purse since she changed her address to Heaven.

Ten years ago, Alisha had just received money for her seventh birthday and she decided to buy some snacks for her friends she would see that evening. So, off she and I went to the local store. Her smile let me know she was pleased with her selection of chips and crackers, so she began her march toward the register. I can still see her with that pink purse belt strapped around her waist, as she skipped and danced her way to the checkout counter. She was so proud to hand the cashier her money and then she carefully put the dollars and odd cents into her purse. And so it remains there ever since.

Spare change has always been an issue with me and I have always liked to have some jingling in my pocket. My wife would prefer to save it and I believe she is right, but it goes against me. I know if I were to put it aside, after a while it would add up, but I struggle to do so. Why? It’s not a good reason; it’s simply the truth because old habits are hard to break.

Recently I have been thinking about my spare change issue and realized that my spare change isn’t life-changing to me, but when added to others or given to someone with far less it becomes significant. It doesn’t matter where you give your spare change to the Ronald McDonald House, the people who ring the bell for the Salvation Army, or other great charities, it is just important to give.

My daughter, Sianna, who is 8, sweetly told me the other night when we were in the car that she just loved the thought of going home. In her sweet voice she almost whispered, “I can’t wait to get home, I just love it there.” My thoughts went to the children who don’t have a home or a family to call their own and I realized that I need to form a new habit and put my spare change aside.

“Some people give time, some money, some their skills and connections, some literally give their life's blood. But everyone has something to give.” ~ Barbara Bush

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Necessary Action

Good things are happening all around us. I believe, we are more naturally inclined to see the negative rather the positive that takes place. Instead of noticing the naughty child in the store, the rude passenger on an airplane, or the man who makes a scene because his lunch order wasn’t exactly how he ordered it, maybe we should be looking for those who are doing the right thing.

Have you ever just been minding your own business and you noticed someone performing above and beyond the call of duty? I have.

This past weekend after a busy day, my family and I stopped to get something to eat at a fast food restaurant. After we sat down, we heard a loud crash and my wife noticed an elderly man spill his tray of food. It took only a moment before a young worker came to help the man, quickly taking care of the spill and seeing to it that he received a fresh tray of food all while treating him with respect. Soon afterward, the worker was quickly back at his job moving from one task to the next. He went from wiping the tables, to sweeping the floors, then to taking out the trash and it was all done with focus and discipline. Moved by his great work ethic, I approached him and told him I appreciated his hard work and noticed what he had done for the gentleman. I got a “Thank you, sir. I really appreciate that.” As I got in my car, I stole a glance inside to see the young man still working, as he waved goodbye to me. He was the type of worker we would all want to employ if we owned a business.

Years ago, my wife and I encountered another kind of worker who saw beyond his “work”. On a Saturday afternoon we were at a bowling alley with our son and began talking to one of the supervisors. We began sharing some of our life stories together and were simply enjoying his company. As we were leaving, he pulled out his wallet and gave us some money. Stunned, we tried to refuse, but he insisted saying it was his “offering,” his way of helping others. He took what he believed was a necessary action. We have never forgotten him or his kindness.

It’s easy to complain, but how often do we take a moment to recognize the good or take action and help make someone else’s load a little lighter.

“Don’t be yourself, be someone a little nicer.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin

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The Reset Factor

In the early eighties, when the Atari game system was all the rage, a high school friend and I would do battle in the tank game. All would be fine unless I got too far ahead, then suddenly the screen would go blank. My friend had hit the reset button. In recent years, another friend suggested I hit the reset button whenever my day would become too overwhelming. When you choose to reset you give yourself a clean slate and an opportunity to succeed.

Tolstoy once wisely said, “Everyone wants to change the world, but no one wants to change himself.” When you choose to keep your attitude the same, your actions will remain the same. The secret is to take the negative and turn it into a positive. Here are some examples from my own life.

It was sometime in 2005, when as an exterminator my wife called me to alert me of an unexpected large dental bill for my youngest daughter. I was frustrated, so I pulled into a convenience store to grab a cup of coffee and regroup. Then, I saw her. There she was a little girl, around the age of ten in a wheelchair. She was sitting at the bus stop smiling while she waited to be picked up. Immediately my anger was replaced with shame when I realized how foolish I had been. If this young girl could accept the circumstances in her life then I just needed to take a deep breath, reset my attitude and move on.

When I was young, around five or so, I had an annoying habit of speaking too quickly which caused my words to be slurred. For years, people believed my name was Andrew not Aaron Drew because of my sloppy speech habits as I threw the two names together. Then in second grade, I had to go to speech therapy classes with a wonderfully kind elderly gentleman named, Mr. Marconi. He taught me to slow down, take a deep breath and then pronounce my words clearly. It was an amazing transformation because I choose to reset and change my bad habits.

Choices; we make them every day and they shape us. Regardless of our situation or circumstances we make decisions. How you survive is based on you. Over 200 years ago, Samuel Johnson said, “Things don’t go wrong so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.”

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Sweet Inspiration

Junior High school was a cruel time for me. I did not fit in and often I felt lost in my own skin. But in the fall, at least on some Friday nights, I could find solace for one brief moment. After the high school football game, I would tuck my foam seat cushion under my armpit and run the two blocks home pretending to be Walter Payton. Inspired by the man they called Sweetness, for a brief moment, I felt like someone special as I crossed into my front yard scoring an imaginary touchdown.

I so admired Walter Payton and wanted to be like him. In his time, Payton who played running back for the Chicago Bears from 1975 to 1987 won a Super Bowl, went to nine pro bowls, once held the NFL all time rushing record and at the end of his career was voted into the Hall of Fame. However, the story I find most inspiring was the one about his lost Super Bowl ring.

In 1996 when Walter was coaching a high school basketball team, he was talking to them about the importance of faith and trust. So, as symbol of trust, he handed the ring to one of the players and told him to hold it for a few days. Reportedly, the players were in the young man’s basement passing the ring around and inadvertently it was lost. Payton eventually purchased a duplicate ring but then passed away in November 1999 from a rare liver disease.

Then in 2001, Phil Hong, a student at Purdue University, was looking for one of his dog’s toys in a couch and happened upon a discovery of a lifetime: Payton’s Super Bowl ring. The couch was from the basement where the ring was last seen. So, he did the right thing by contacting Walter’s family and personally taking it back to them.

Funny thing how a man named Sweetness inspired me to escape reality by pretending to be like him, while Phil Hong was inspired to embrace reality and do the right thing by doing something Payton himself would have done. Inspired by someone great we should always aspire to do something great.

“If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.” — Isaac Newton

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