Stick-to-it-iveness

 

For something to last it has to held together by something that won’t give in or out easily.

You can only know what you know.  Before I looked it up I thought the term sticking point meant the moment at which something becomes glued together.  Guess I was thinking about the word, freezing point. However, the true definition of sticking point is this: “something that people disagree about and that prevents progress from being made.”

So, rather than talk about problems without solutions, let’s talk about things that last a long time and have a certain stick-to-it-iveness.  Speaking of this word, did you know that it means dogged perseverance; tenacity. What’s not to love?   Especially, since we live in a society that would rather run than stay and work out their differences.

A few months ago a thought piqued my interest while I was reading Malcom Gladwell’s book, The Tipping Point.  This thought or phenomenon can best be described as the stickiness factor.  In his book, Gladwell was discussing why some consumer items are considered sticky and remain viable over long periods of time, while others do not hold their own and eventually die off.  

For my money, nothing better epitomizes the stickiness factor than the traditional wedding vows.  To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish:  from this day forward until death do us part.  Which is answered by these simple two words: I DO.  Sadly, too many people are really answering, I do for now, but let’s wait and see if it all works out.

The phrase which sticks out in these vows for me is for better or for worse, which I believe is stick-to –it-iveness, like glue, in any good relationship. Will you both be willing to persevere despite hard times, conflict and whatever may come?  Faithful perseverance, not blind faith is the key here. The reason I am thinking about such is my wife and I are now on our 26^th year together and sometimes I wonder how. My answer is simple: we enjoy being with one another, more than not.

Like better or for worse, life is often made up of another sticky question, do you?  This is what people in a long relationship ask when they no longer feel in love: do you? This is something a child, either born into or adopted in their family asks their parents about their love for them, do you? This is something that Jesus asked Peter after the resurrection about his love for Him, before He leaves for Heaven: do you?

For better or for worse and do you are burning questions not of emotion, but of devotion. Neither of the above phrases should be used lightly.  Marriage, loving a child, following God or any deep relationship is not for the faint of heart because it takes commitment.  It involves emptying yourself of all but love; it requires a love that is sticky.

Love is the stick-to-it–iveness that glues all of our important relationships together.

Swavel

 

Universal Language

 Close your eyes and smile at least once a day.  Anonymous

Several years ago at work I happened to pass someone's cubicle door with the above picture hanging on it.  It was accompanied by this caption: close your eyes and smile at least once a day.  Of course, I complied and immediately felt better.

Have you ever heard the saying that it takes more muscles to frown than smile?  The truth is that no one is quite sure if that statement is completely valid or just an old wives' tale.  However, whether smiling uses more muscles or not, it is fair to say that it certainly takes more effort to frown. 

 

With that being said, I believe the best thing about a smile is it’s the ultimate way of saying more by saying less.  Smiling is interpretative and has the power to communicate without saying a blessed word.

For example, twice I have traveled to China and both times I possessed no ability to speak the language.  However, it was amazing to me that even though I could barely order coffee in Chinese, a smile spoke volumes.  When I did try to speak my pathetic version of Chinese I got a lot of laughs and smiles.  It is possible that as they were smiling they were thinking me an idiot, nonetheless I was communicating.

Another great example of a smile is from the movie, A Christmas Carol.  It is at the end when Scrooge comes to visit his nephew for supper after he had just been visited by the three Christmas Ghosts.  He is in the parlor of his nephew’s home as the maid takes his coat.  Scrooge hesitates for a brief moment to open the parlor door because he knows his cantankerous reputation precedes him.  It is then that the kindly maid persuades him to move forward by smiling and bobbing her head as she opens the door.  Ultimately, once inside Scrooge proceeds to ask forgiveness for his past failings and is accepted with open arms by his nephew and wife.

Then there is the song, Sarah Smile, by Hall and Oates. When I hear this song it takes me back to when I was in elementary school and life was much simpler.  If I remember correctly, I believe my friend’s parents liked Hall and Oates and I heard it a lot when I was over at his apartment.  Every time I hear it just makes me happy. It just makes me smile. 

We live in a time when there is so much to frown about it, that unfortunately we tend to focus on the wrong things. So, whether it takes a poster or a movie or a song, it is a good thing to smile. 

We should all speak the universal language of smiling- early, often and daily.

Swavel

Push Through

 

 

In a perfect world there would be no pain, however we don’t live in a perfect world.

Here are a few simple facts about pain.  It is messy. It hurts.  It is unavoidable. We all struggle with it.  Pain if monitored can be an excellent motivator.

Regardless of age, we all like to complain about aches and pains, usually pertaining to our body.  To name a few examples: pain in the back, pain in the neck, pain in the shoulder, pain in the ankle. Speaking of the latter, who can forget about Curt Schilling and his epic bloody sock?  It was about ten years ago during a pivotal playoff game when the Boston Red Sox hurler pitched  the game on an ankle with torn ligaments and won the game.  His effort helped to propel the Red Sox on to their first World Series Championship in eighty six years.

However how noble it was for Shilling to push through his physical pain to win a baseball game, mental and emotional pain can be far worse.  In his book, The Problem of Pain, C. S. Lewis makes this profound statement.  God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain…

In my own personal experience I have struggled with such pain in extreme fashion.  In one of the toughest moments of my life I had to choose whether to take someone, whom I loved more than myself, off of life support or not.  Talk about a world of emotional pain and unrest.  Such is when you must struggle with a broken heart, yet God can use it if you let Him.

Since pain can motivate or debilitate, what is the alternative to pain? The apostle Paul said, our goal is to please him. As believers we should be striving to do things that please God not pain Him.  Sadly, we often have our own agenda, something I know well since I am a chief offender.   But, I am trying to embrace this thought: God is with me, not against me.  I need to intentionally be a pleasure to God, not someone who causes him to turn away because it hurts too much to watch.

We can choose to push through the pain or to be overwhelmed by it.

Swavel

Head Shot

 

To be on our game is always preferred over being off kilter. 

We live in a world where routine is king.  Since we are creatures of habit if we get knocked out of sync it throws us for a loop.

This past week was such a week as I had a head cold that had me going thru tissues like there was no tomorrow and sleeping a lot.  During my illness my eldest daughter and I were talking about getting hit in the face.  It was then that I shared an occasion when I had received a head a shot.  It was my favorite dumb story of me during my teen years, of how at the time I thought I was so cool and invincible.  

The story goes like this.  I was in high school volleyball class with a chip on my shoulder, when   I played a lot of so-called volleyball at my church youth group and though I was all that.  Then one day in gym class reality reared its ugly head as l found myself across the net from a football player.  We both went up for a disputed ball at the net, he went to spike and me to block.  However, being the idiot I was, I put up both hands like I was signaling for a touchdown.  He took advantage of my ineptitude and   appropriately knocked me down with a spike that separated me from my glasses.    Leaving me in a heap dazed on the floor and my glasses in two separate pieces careening across the floor.  Unfortunately for him his girlfriend yelled at him, me I felt I got what I had coming to me.

This also reminds me of another time when I was on a youth group trip at the age of fifteen.  We were in Colorado at Rocky Mountain national Park in late summer.  The cool thing was that in Colorado with the high altitude you can have snow up toward the summit.  So, we were having a snowball fight when a girl about  my age hit me right in the ear with one.  Like a pansy, I went to the car.   Later, due the altitude a I got sick and won’t elaborate, but I let a little piece of white stuff get me down.

So, what is the lesson here?  Like a head cold or head shot form a volleyball or snowball initially we get stunned, and then knocked on our keister.  Then we have time to reflect.  Recently with my head cold, while taking a nap I took time to pray and ask God what he wanted me to do with my life right now.  It helped, at least for me, to. do a little spiritual inventory and focus on what truly matters again.

Minus the headache there is nothing like a head shot to help clear you thought.

 

Swavel

 

Snowmen Melt

“Some people are worth melting for.”  Olaf the snowman (from the movie Frozen)

Just a quick heads up, if you are looking for a light read, this is not it.  In our time together I am going to discuss dying and how much our existence can be compared to that of a snowman that over time melts.  In essence we are nothing more than snowmen, which by design are not built to last.  Simply put they are created for the personal pleasure of their Creator.

So, before I elaborate more on the fate of (snow) men, allow me to list the key ingredients it takes to build a proper snowman:

-Three round snowballs consisting of large one for the base, a medium one for the middle and a smaller one for the top

 

-About seven round stones or pieces of coal to form a mouth 

-Two buttons for the eyes

-Orange carrot for the nose 

-Winter hat or top hat

Now, allow me to elaborate more on the inevitable.  “One small fact; you are going to die.  Despite every effort, no one lives forever.” This quote from the movie, The Book Thief, is an accurate assessment.   Another way to put it is, we are nothing more than pawns.  Standing in a hospital parking lot during one of the most profound periods of my life a friend wisely spoke this sentiment to me.   Strangely it was encouraging when he reminded me of my temporary state. Subsequently, he could have interchanged snowmen instead of pawns and made the same point.

 

So, while we as snowmen are here, “all living,” as Frosty once said, we have two choices as far as I can see it. Either we can empty ourselves of all but love on others or keep that love to ourselves.  Whichever way we choose to live, in the end we all melt.  So, we can choose to be mean to fellow snowmen, i.e. our fellow human beings, which is a lousy way to exist.  Or rather we can be like Olaf the snowman, and find as many people as possible who are worth melting for, while we got the time.

Being a snowman is what it is.  There is no fountain of youth and no snow that never melts, at least not here on Earth.   However, my hope is placed in Jesus, when he said, if I go and prepare a place for you’ I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am you may be also.  My interpretation, reading in between the lines a little, is that it is a place where the snow never melts and that place is Heaven.

Although it may be true that snowmen melt, I have determined in my life to smile till I melt and my carrot falls off my face.

Swavel

 

Lucy Moment

Often our disappointments morph our triumphs.

More times than not, as human beings, we tend to focus on the bad things in life.  That was my first  thought  the morning after Russell Wilson threw an interception with just seconds to go turning an apparent Seahawks’ victory into a  loss in this year’s Super Bowl. It was akin to Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown right before he kicked it in the Penauts’ comic strips.  Life is cruel that way.  One moment it looks like it is all going to work out, then disaster strikes and everybody wants to blame somebody. 

Years ago as a teen, I had a similar Lucy Moment when my Miami Dolphins were in Super Bowl XXVII against the Washington Redskins.  To this day, I can still remember sitting in front of my family’s TV hoping my team could hang on to a slim lead late in the game, during a pivotal play when the Redskins had a fourth and one.   The Redskins handed the football to their workhorse running back, John Riggins, aptly named the Diesel and all he had in his way was a much smaller defender, Don McNeal, trying to arm tackle him. 

 

What happened next was predictable, unless of course you were a diehard Dolphins’ fan hoping against hope.  All Riggins proceeded to do was shrug McNeal off like he was a bad habit and rumbled forty yards for the go ahead touchdown, from which my team would never recover. Disappointed hardly describes how I felt.   However, all the Redskins did was played the odds, big guy vs. small guy, and they had won.  Sadly, many people wanted to blame McNeal when in reality it was not his fault.  The truth is one play seldom dooms you, it is a series of plays during the entire game, lots of little decisions.  That night I learned that life can be sudden and final on some matters.  Some times we just don’t get what we want. 

  

During  Charles Schulz’s last interview before he died, the Peanuts’ creator lamented the fact that  Charlie Brown never got to kick the football from Lucy. In my opinion, when we encounter a Lucy Moment and life pulls the football away from us, we have two options. One, don’t let one moment define you but rather get up off the ground and take what you learned from the mishap and apply it to the rest of your life.  Two, we can go insane like Charlie Brown and keep trying to kick that football.

 

Remember, insanity is the very definition of doing something over and over again expecting different results and that’s a losing proposition.  Some issues or events, like interceptions in Super Bowl never resolve themselves.  The best way to live life is to live it fully, not fully dreading each day.

Lucy moments teach us to get back up and accordingly see things for what they truly are.

 

Swavel

Moving On

The faster we can recover from our failure, the faster we can succeed. 

Awkward in life is unavoidable. For example, a few years ago, while at a fast food restaurant, a man I never had met before made an indelible impression on me.  I was minding my own business eating with my family when a man came out of the bathroom area and readily admitted that he gone into the ladies restroom by accident. 

“I’m from Portland,” is what he uttered loud enough for all to hear.  Then he tried to explain that in Oregon they have men and women’s bathrooms on the opposite side.  It was understandable that he had made an honest mistake and that next time he should just pay closer attention when entered the bathroom.  With that being said he should have just moved on, sat down and ate his fries.  However, he refused to stop talking about it and instead just drew unneeded suspicion to himself. 

A few months ago, I saw the proper response to an awkward moment, albeit a bit rude.  While out of town at a holiday festival my older daughter and I decided to get some lunch for the family at a small pizza shop.  The line at the quaint establishment was about ten people deep and we were just barely able to squeeze inside the front door due to lack of space, like sardines in a can.

“Watch out,” is what I heard next, and then I felt a walker pressing up against my backside.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw an elderly lady and I got me and my daughter out of the way immediately.  When I turned back around she was gone.   I guess fair warning had been given and I was in the way.  Places to go, people to see I suppose, and they were moving on, so to speak.

What a great lesson to learn in life.  The faster we learn to rebound from hardships and stop letting it get the best of us, the better off we are. Fair or not fair,  what we learn from life’s mishaps often prove the most meaningful.

Moving on or staying stuck, the choice is always ours to make.

Swavel

Shine Bright

The choice in how we live life is ours: living color or black and white.

Herein is my latest quandary.  It is January and I still have my Christmas lights up in my work cubicle and the unavoidable task of putting them away is upon me.  However, this season before I put them away allow me to share a few things I learned from them.

Don’t jump to conclusions. In December, I decided to bring a string of seldom used Christmas lights into work from home.  So, I asked around to get the OK and then hung them up.  Then after the fact someone mentioned that I needed to go online and make sure this was not against company policy.  Frustrated, my first reaction was to take them down because my ill-conceived perception was that they either could be a fire hazard or considered offensive. Neither was the case, so up they remained.

   

Look on the bright side. This past month has been busy and full of uncertainty with the business climate and potential layoffs looming nationwide.  So, I just wanted to cheer myself up and put up bright lights. It gave me comfort, but I couldn’t put my finger on it why.  Then it dawned on me, after my 7 year old daughter died fourteen years ago she had left her Christmas lights up in her bedroom.  We left them that way for a long time, I believe just as reminder she used to live there.  Consequently, sometimes toward the end of the day in the last month or so, I would turn off the room lights and bask in the glow and flash of the bright lights and cry happy tears.

Remembering is good.  It is a firm belief of mine that is good to reflect on positive things that happened to us, like I did in the preceding paragraph. It is not good however to stay stuck, but rather to take a good memory with you instead.  Kind of like a folded note in your back pocket you can unfold whenever needed to remind you that all is not bad in the world. 

Continue to shine. Keep in mind, your light must keep flashing even when it’s dark.  When you do shine bright it will brighten up the room, like fireworks do to the sky on the Fourth of July. Matthew 5:16 says, “Let your let so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”

J.J. Watt, an outstanding defensive NFL player once said, you can’t get today back.  What I believe he meant was don’t be dim in your effort; shine bright in whatever you do.

When it comes to telling others about Jesus, better to shine bright, than to be a dull annoyance.

Swavel.

 

High Above

 

 

No matter how far you travel you can never escape God. 

The above thought is one of great comfort to me.  As I have grown older I have begun to reflect on my life, mostly on how I am still alive.  All kidding aside, far too often I forget I can do nothing without God.

Have you ever wondered about what remains constant regardless of where you are or where you go in life? To me it’s obvious, it’s the sky.  It is so big, so blue, so vast, so endless, and so high above.   Despite whatever country, city or suburbs you may find yourself, all you need do is look up.  Far too often we are looking too hard when all that is required of us is to “Be still and know that I am God.” 

It was 1983, but I can still vividly remember seeing the biggest sky I can ever recall while driving out West during a church youth group trip.  On one particular day we drove for hours through New Mexico and it was visually unbelievable.  The sky so blue, the clouds so big they seemed to cast shadows, almost as if they were chasing one another.  It left me in awe of God and His creation and me feeling so small.

This reminds me of another time when God felt like He was right next to me.  My family and I were in Guangzhou, China in 2012 to finalize the adoption of our youngest daughter.  What I most remember of that second week in China was I would regularly be out and about walking  the streets alone to get dinner for the family. I was struck by the crowd noise and the hustle and bustle of life, but nothing was familiar because I couldn’t speak the language. Most of the sites were foreign with a few with American names, like McDonald’s, Pizza Hut, KFC, etc.  However, even though they were wearing familiar uniforms, when they spoke in their native Chinese tongue I was easily confounded, oddly reminding me that I was the one out of place.  

   

Then I looked up and saw the big blue sky.  That was the only thing in this strange world that was the same as it was back in Pennsylvania.  My family and I had traveled over 3000 miles and the sky was still blue, even though the stores and the cobble stone streets and settings were so foreign to me.  It was so striking to me that the same God I served in Pennsylvania was present in China.  The sky was comforting to me, like a long lost friend that instantly put me at ease; it was something that bathed me in familiarity. Not to mention then when we by faith took God’s hand; the sky was the limit, high above us.

Unfortunately, we as humans tend to try to limit God’s influence in our lives.  How dare He control our lives or ask to step outside our comfort zone to follow His bidding.  However, forgetting the whole while, that God is limitless.  If the sky is the limit with God, then why do we hesitate to trust Him with our life? 

God may be high above us, but despite the distance He is always near me.

Swavel

 

Coleslaw Effect

“Don’t be yourself, be someone a little nicer” Mignon McLaughlin

Since we are saying goodbye to another year, I believe it is quite appropriate to say farewell to at least one bad habit in the process. Unfortunately, in my life it has been confirmed and substantiated that I can be a jerk at times; therefore I thought it would be best to be up front about my bad habit.

 

Recently I was out for dinner at a nice restaurant, but I brought an unwanted attitude with me.  After an uncertain month, in an effort to treat myself, I ordered some BBQ ribs with fries.  However, I neglected to notice that they came with coleslaw, which I highly detest. 

Subsequently when the waiter brought my food out to me I immediately made a grotesque face.  To which the person I was eating with rightfully told me what I was doing was inappropriate.  Of course, I was taken a back and tried desperately to re-arrange my plate and shove the coleslaw to the side. It was just a sad attempt at trying to cover up for being a jerk.

It dawned on me later how much of a jerk I can be at times and how I tend to treat other people like coleslaw.  So, I took a quick evaluation of this past week to see where else I was being a jerk.

Just last weekend I played a flag football game with a bunch of teens and found myself spiking the football after scoring a touchdown.  When I was younger and played flag football spiking the football meant very little, except it made me feel good.  Yet, the other day when I did it the younger generation took it as a taunt.  I didn’t mean to be a jerk, but what I was doing could be interpreted as a jerk type activity. Therefore, next time I need to think before I act because it really stinks to be a jerk unintentionally.

Jesus says love your neighbor.  If someone I didn’t sign up for to be nice to is placed into my life, I tend to complain about them.  Much like I did with that side order of coleslaw. What a jerk I can be sometimes. It’s like a flash of selfishness comes over me and I act inappropriately. Often I perceive my ways to be right and don’t even try to put myself in someone else’s shoes.  Instead I should strive to be different and look at others through the eyes of Jesus.

The Bible is quite explicit that there is none righteous, no not one.  Try as I might, far too often I can’t escape myself and my litany of bad behaviors I have accrued over time. Yet I believe God calls us to step up our lives by submitting our agenda to Him, in a joyful manner.  It doesn’t happen overnight, it takes time and practice, but it can be done.

Thankfully for me, God does not invoke the coleslaw effect and scrape me off His plate.

Swavel