Matter of Trust

God can. I can’t. God’s willing. I’m hesitant.

The above statement was a self-assessment I made about a month ago, not one I'm proud of, but I believe can have a happy ending .

Allow me to elaborate on the word, trust, which happens to be synonomous with the words rest assured, full confidence, and rely completely. So, here is the way God works with trust, if we don’t trust in Him 100% then we don’t trust him at all because he who hesitates is lost. With that thought in mind, there was a time when I was under the false impression that I completely trusted in God.

On April 29th, 2000, that guise disappeared when I received the news that my entire family had been in a car accident and that all 3 members of my family were being taken to 3 separate hospitals. .

As I was riding to my wife’s hospital, I started quoting Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.” It was always so easy to quote before, but now it had become difficult to live. Later that night at my daughter’s bedside where she lay in a coma, God and I had it out. I told God to take me instead of my daughter or if he had to take her I needed a purpose for all this. All I heard in response was, “Do you trust me, Aaron? Do you trust me?’’

You see God has never changed, just my perception of Him. Throughout history many who followed God suffered, were persecuted, and some were martyred. My perception was if I did want God wanted, things would always work out for me. So when I got frustrated with God, it was my problem not God’s. He never hid the fact that there would be times when things would not go my way and there would be no explanation, just God asking me to trust Him.

Lately, I have been talking with God and this is what I have heard, “I will not fully invest in you, until you fully invest me.” God does what He wants, well He’s God. If I want to be aboard furthering His Kingdom, it’s His way or the highway. What I’m trying to do now is to get involved in what God wants me to do and then I can rest assured that I can trust Him. Anything else is just an epic failure waiting to happen.

I don’t have to trust Him, He doesn’t force me, but if I don’t it’s my loss because complete trust in God is a prerequisite. I agree with C. S. Lewis in the Chronicles of Narnia when he spoke of the God type character, Aslan, the Lion, “He's not safe, but He's good.”

So, as a matter of trust, I would like to alter my thought of a month ago. God can. I can't. God's willing. I'm with Him.

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I Know

This is an article I wrote in 2008 while attempting to win a boat cruise for my wife.

“I KNOW” ever since our first date on July 1st, 1985, I haven’t wanted to be without my wife, Amy. She is the only girl I ever dated and someone who saw something special in me, when I couldn’t.

“I KNOW” one of the best moments in my life was watching Amy come down the aisle twenty years ago on March 24th, 1989. If I had not married her, I am certain the girl I did marry would have lived in her shadow.

“I KNOW” I have never been more proud then when my wife made me a father twice. Fatherhood has a certain way of validating a man.

“I KNOW” there is nothing worse than losing a child, as my wife and I can attest. On May 4th, 2000, my seven-year-old daughter went to be with Jesus five days after being in a car accident.

“I KNOW” it could have been much worse because my wife and then nine-year-old son were also in the accident and both survived. It is true God never gives us more than He can handle.

“I KNOW” at one time the number of couples who get divorced after they lose a child was said to be as high as 80%. My wife and I are more concerned with staying true to our vows, so we will not add to this statistic.

“I KNOW” we adopted our now six-year-old daughter because we had more love to give. Adoption, in my opinion, is the perfect picture of how God loved us so much He made us it possible for us to be adopted as His kids.

“I KNOW” I was reminded of how precious life can be when Amy’s appendix ruptured last year. Every morning when I say goodbye, before I leave for work, I am reminded of how blessed I am to have her for another day.

“I KNOW” from personal experience how a song can so deeply help to heal your broken heart. Mercy Me’s song, “I Can Only Imagine” comforts us with the knowledge one day we will join our daughter in Heaven.

“I KNOW” I am a better person for having married Amy because she is someone who everyday challenges me to be a better person.

“The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes.” Amy Grant

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