Sweet Inspiration

Junior High school was a cruel time for me. I did not fit in and often I felt lost in my own skin. But in the fall, at least on some Friday nights, I could find solace for one brief moment. After the high school football game, I would tuck my foam seat cushion under my armpit and run the two blocks home pretending to be Walter Payton. Inspired by the man they called Sweetness, for a brief moment, I felt like someone special as I crossed into my front yard scoring an imaginary touchdown.

I so admired Walter Payton and wanted to be like him. In his time, Payton who played running back for the Chicago Bears from 1975 to 1987 won a Super Bowl, went to nine pro bowls, once held the NFL all time rushing record and at the end of his career was voted into the Hall of Fame. However, the story I find most inspiring was the one about his lost Super Bowl ring.

In 1996 when Walter was coaching a high school basketball team, he was talking to them about the importance of faith and trust. So, as symbol of trust, he handed the ring to one of the players and told him to hold it for a few days. Reportedly, the players were in the young man’s basement passing the ring around and inadvertently it was lost. Payton eventually purchased a duplicate ring but then passed away in November 1999 from a rare liver disease.

Then in 2001, Phil Hong, a student at Purdue University, was looking for one of his dog’s toys in a couch and happened upon a discovery of a lifetime: Payton’s Super Bowl ring. The couch was from the basement where the ring was last seen. So, he did the right thing by contacting Walter’s family and personally taking it back to them.

Funny thing how a man named Sweetness inspired me to escape reality by pretending to be like him, while Phil Hong was inspired to embrace reality and do the right thing by doing something Payton himself would have done. Inspired by someone great we should always aspire to do something great.

“If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.” — Isaac Newton

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I'm Done

Recently I sat down with the author of this blog and asked some hard questions.

What qualifies you to write this blog?
I am someone who learns from my mistakes and therefore can offer expert advice on how to stumble through life and try to get it right in the process. I try to share some of the hope, encouragement, and wisdom I have learned as I've experienced life's ups and downs.

Have you ever tried to get a book published?
Yes and I failed miserably. However, I did learn a valuable lesson. In 2007 when I sent out queries, I received over thirty rejection notices before I gave up counting. Sometime after that I just started to write for myself, while occasionally allowing friends and family to see my ponderings. My writing did need work and I have learned much from failure. I agree with Samuel Beckett when he said, “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”

Have you ever had anything published on any level?
Yes. I have been published three times in the Upper Room devotional, briefly wrote for a local newspaper and contributed to the book SIMPLE LITTLE WORDS. My family's story was included in David Jeremiah’s book, BEND IN THE ROAD.

What do you love/hate most about writing?
Editing. It is a necessary evil that I have grown to appreciate over time. My wife edits my blogs and does an excellent job of cleaning up my writing and making it easier for you to understand. For me, it is easier just to write what I am thinking, but I now realize writing is about connecting with others and not just doing what feels good.

Can you offer any advice on how to figure life out?
No, I’m done attempting to chase the wind. Nevertheless, I do attempt to offer honest advice that I’ve learned from some of the darkest days a man can face. Hopefully my pain can be your gain.

What was the first car you bought?
A light blue 1975 Dodge Dart. Ugly as sin, fairly dependable, lasted forever. It helped me discover my wife was the one for me, because she definitely was not dating me for my car. The only people who liked it were the neighbor boys who were about five at the time.

What is your favorite role in life?
That’s easy, husband and father. Although you will have to ask my family how I am doing, I so enjoy having a daily opportunity to be close to the people I love. It is the most important job I will ever have and is something I don’t take for granted.

On a personal note have you ever done anything society would consider crazy?
OK, here it is, I am going to lay it all out. God is asking my wife and me to do something crazy. God is asking us to adopt again and I am all in. I believe if God calls you to do something outside your comfort zone He will provide the resources, it is just our job to follow. At this point, we are just being obedient and where it ends up is yet to be seen. When it comes to adoption, I believe, if you have love you better give it. There’s no need to save it, you won’t run out.

Have you ever not given your all?
Yes. I’m not proud of it, but I have been guilty in the past. To be entirely honest, I thought I would have quit this blog by now, because when things get tough sometimes I give up. Now, I seek to work through the hard and not be controlled by what I feel.

Define yourself in two words?
Inconsistent persistence.

Do you have anything more to add?
No, I’m done.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Always Be Prepared

Although “always be prepared,” may be a great motto for some, I however have found it to be more of a mixed bag.

In being prepared, I think one should always have a pen handy, but this has also proved to be a flawed theory. It was 11:00 pm and the next day we were slated to drive to Texas to drop our son off at college. Before going to bed, we just had few loose ends to tie up. As I opened the dryer, I found my mistake, I had left a pen in my shorts and blue ink stains were everywhere. When I told my family of my gaffe, they were quite irritated with me seeing it was our travel clothes for the next day. I have previously left tissues in my pocket, but this was far more frustrating and costly. The end result, we had to buy some new clothes, wear some with stains on them, but in time I was forgiven and now I try to be better prepared by checking all my pockets twice before I wash anything.

There was another time when I was changing the oil in my car and learned a valuable lesson. The oil change was going smoothly and I was almost done, pouring the oil back into the engine. I just needed to check and see if more was needed and then I was finished. To my horror, when I pulled the dipstick it was dry. In my haste, I had forgotten to screw the plug back into the oil pan and as I peered under the car there was an enormous puddle of oil on the asphalt. Fortunately, nothing some rags, papers towels, and a lot of oil dry couldn’t fix. So now when I change my oil I always double check to see if the plug is in and I always have oil dry on hand.

In life, whether we are prepared or not bad stuff happens. I have found it is always best to shake it off and keep washing till the blue ink stains fade or keep putting oil dry on the spill till it is soaked up. Regardless of your dilemma, always remember to be prepared to learn from your mistakes.

“All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from their mistakes.” ~Winston Churchill

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Something Divine

“To err is human, to forgive is divine.” Some things are very difficult to forgive and in some people’s opinions almost unforgivable. For a long time, I struggled to forgive the person who caused the accident that forever changed our lives. So in attempt to put the issue to rest I wrote the person an open ended letter, to a fellow human being I would like to offer some hope.

After many failed attempts to find the right words, below is the final draft:

To whom it may concern,

For the most part I forgave you a long time ago, but there were times when I would become angry when I passed the scene of the accident. For many years I could forgive the actual act, but had a hard time understanding how someone could not stop. I don’t mean to be blunt, just honest.

A few years ago, while driving with my brother-in-law, Ed, we drove through that intersection. When I became irritated Ed addressed the situation. He asked me why I was so upset since I didn’t know why the person kept going. There could be many reasons why the driver didn’t stop. Maybe they had trouble with the law or were under the influence or they were simply too scared to stop. All plausible answers might I add.

To my shame, I had thought you a coward and for that I apologize. Who am to judge? From that moment on I have sought to give you the benefit of the doubt. I choose to look for the good. It’s easy to say what I would have done had the shoe been on the other foot, but if I’m totally honest, I simply don’t know.

Yes, my future was dramatically changed from how I envisioned it, but I have chosen to accept the change and become better because of it. My hope is that you have been able to do the same. Someday I hope to meet you and be able to put a face to the person I have prayed for, for so long.

Sincerely with deepest hopes you can accept my forgiveness,

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“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.” ~ Groucho Marx

I Know

This is an article I wrote in 2008 while attempting to win a boat cruise for my wife.

“I KNOW” ever since our first date on July 1st, 1985, I haven’t wanted to be without my wife, Amy. She is the only girl I ever dated and someone who saw something special in me, when I couldn’t.

“I KNOW” one of the best moments in my life was watching Amy come down the aisle twenty years ago on March 24th, 1989. If I had not married her, I am certain the girl I did marry would have lived in her shadow.

“I KNOW” I have never been more proud then when my wife made me a father twice. Fatherhood has a certain way of validating a man.

“I KNOW” there is nothing worse than losing a child, as my wife and I can attest. On May 4th, 2000, my seven-year-old daughter went to be with Jesus five days after being in a car accident.

“I KNOW” it could have been much worse because my wife and then nine-year-old son were also in the accident and both survived. It is true God never gives us more than He can handle.

“I KNOW” at one time the number of couples who get divorced after they lose a child was said to be as high as 80%. My wife and I are more concerned with staying true to our vows, so we will not add to this statistic.

“I KNOW” we adopted our now six-year-old daughter because we had more love to give. Adoption, in my opinion, is the perfect picture of how God loved us so much He made us it possible for us to be adopted as His kids.

“I KNOW” I was reminded of how precious life can be when Amy’s appendix ruptured last year. Every morning when I say goodbye, before I leave for work, I am reminded of how blessed I am to have her for another day.

“I KNOW” from personal experience how a song can so deeply help to heal your broken heart. Mercy Me’s song, “I Can Only Imagine” comforts us with the knowledge one day we will join our daughter in Heaven.

“I KNOW” I am a better person for having married Amy because she is someone who everyday challenges me to be a better person.

“The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes.” Amy Grant

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Heaven Applauds

If there were Olympic medals for listening, I wouldn’t even make the team never mind the podium. As far back as I can remember, my teachers would often comment on my tendency to daydream. There are moments, though, when my interest is captured by a specific event. I realize it may sound bizarre, but birds’ singing, especially in the morning, is one such event. Once you hear my rationale, you may better understand.

It was around 6 AM, on May 4th, 2000. The worst had happened, Alisha had just passed away and yet miraculously my wife and I were still breathing. We drove from the hospital to the Ronald McDonald House and pulled into the driveway completely shattered. All our hopes and dreams for Alisha’s life vanished in an instant. Her smile, her hugs and kisses, her giggle, her amazing personality would be forever locked in a picture frame or relegated to a video. Our interaction would be permanently severed.

As I turned off the car, it felt like I was turning off Alisha’s life. We felt helplessly out of control, then ‘it’ happened. The sound was amazing. Much to our surprise we witnessed a vast chorus of birds sharing a magnificent melody as they soared through the sun-kissed sky. God had sent us an extraordinary message to show us we were not alone. In that one brief moment, the Creator of the Universe comforted us as Heaven applauded.

It was around 6 AM, on March 21st, 2009, my wife called to tell me my brother-in-law had passed away at the age of thirty-eight. I refused to get out of bed, perhaps thinking I wouldn’t have to face it, but long before I made it to my big bay window there was that long familiar song. It was the enthusiastic sound of birds singing their unforgettable chorus. I had no words, just tears of pain for those of us left behind yet tears of joy for my brother-in-law because he was free and Heaven was applauding.

I now seem to hear the birds more clearly, because there was a time when I simply wasn’t listening. Perhaps while you’re going about your morning routine, you can spare a moment to listen for the birds. You may be surprised at the beauty they offer.

“Every time the birds sing Heaven’s melody is revealed to mankind.”

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Rare Breed

It has been said eyes are the window to the soul, well then, an office cubicle must be a close second. As an exterminator, I could tell in ten seconds or less who or what the owner cherished. Most people hang photographs of their family, pictures drawn from their kids, quotes, cartoons, box scores, menus, you name it. My belief is you could tell more about a person from a brief encounter with their cubicle, then a week’s worth of small talk.

Take my cubicle for instance. At first glance you see the prerequisite family pictures, coffee mugs here and there, piles of paper strewn around, and a wall I refer to as the REMEMBER ME wall. On this wall are four very important people who have passed away, and seeing their faces reminds me of the more important things in life.

One of those four people is, Al Detweiler. On my wall hangs a picture of Al, in his mid-thirties, looking rather debonair, as he stands behind a lectern. He was the kind of man if you get to meet once in your life you are lucky. He had a booming voice and brilliant white hair even chemo could not take from him. Al never seemed to have anything but kind words to say even when he was in pain. On December 3rd, 2005, at the age of 76, Al departed from our midst after a long battle with cancer.

Al was married for fifty-six years to his wife Kass and they were blessed with twelve children, three born to them, nine adopted. He was many things in his lifetime such as pastor, camp director, bus driver and self proclaimed servant of others. In the 1970’s, he was granted the prestigious honor of being named Boyertown Man of the Year.

On a personal note, Al believed in me even when I had nearly given up on myself, he looked at me as someone with a job to do. Maybe he only voiced it a few times, but there was just a sense about him that no one was a lost cause.

It has been said that some people are a blessing when they come to visit and others are a blessing when they leave. Al Detweiler was a rare case of someone who was a blessing when he came to see you and is still a blessing long after he departed.

This phrase, from a poem he had taped to the front of his Bible, sums him up best: “I do not ask that men may sound my praises or headlines spread my name abroad; I only pray that as I voice the message, hearts may find God.”

“The rarest and greatest breed of men is not those who leave us in awe, but rather those who leave us wanting more; more of their time, more of their love, more of their wisdom, more of them.”

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Medium Soda Please

Charlie Brown may be synonymous with losing baseball games, but at least his plight was fictitious, mine was real. My illustrious little league baseball career began with a two year winless streak.

All I wanted was to experience the sweet taste of victory. It had grown old being known as the guy who couldn’t win a game. To make matters worse, there was a local burger place that would give out free sodas to the players after every game; a medium for the winners and a small for the losers. Needless to say, I was tired of asking for a small. Even the guy behind the counter knew it was a small soda when he saw the maroon baseball shirt coming through the door.

Thank goodness the streak ended in my third year when I finally received my first medium soda. It was July something 1978. I still remember there was one out in the final inning and I had been put in right field mid-way through the game because of my marginal skills.

We were up by a run or two when the batter lofted a ball in my general direction. I remember saying to myself, “Oh please, just let me catch it.” Then the unbelievable happened, the ball landed in my glove. I heard the fans yelling at me to throw the ball to first base to double off the runner. Another miracle occurred; I beat the startled runner back to the bag.

A feeling of elation overcame me as I ran toward the infield like I had just won the World Series. For one night I was a winner. For one night something had finally gone my way. For one night I could walk up to the counter with my head held high and say, “medium soda please.”

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” ~ Dale Carnegie

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Ice In My Cup

You always remember the first time you bring your child home. Whether it be from the hospital or in my case from China. Birthdays remind me of great moments like these. Since, it is my second daughter’s eighth birthday today, the girl who loves me more than Narnia, I am dedicating this article to her.

The first time I met Sianna I was happy. I was glad God gave me my girl.

These are the words my daughter wanted me to start with when I wrote a story about her a few year ago. Her biggest concern seemed to be what I was thinking when I first met her. I just wanted to put her fears to rest and let her know I loved her and was happy she was my daughter long before I met her. The following is from that story.

On February 26th, 2003, the first day I saw my daughter, she was born in my heart. The first day I held her was June 2, 2003. At that moment, nothing else mattered; not the time we missed, not the miles traveled, or the time we had to wait. It all faded away. From the moment I embraced her in my arms, my heart was smiling.

As we headed home from our journey, all the problems of life felt far away. As I peered out the window with my wife and new daughter beside me, I took in the view. I was caught up in the breath-taking scenery as the clouds danced and raced against each other. All the while, I was enjoying the thought of bringing my daughter home to meet her brother.

Then the stewardess passed me a cup of soda with ice in it. Sitting there with the beverage in my hand only enhanced this serene moment. When I had finished my drink, the ice sitting in the bottom of the cup brought a smile to my soul. Normally leftover ice doesn't seem signficant, but as I looked at it on that particular day it signified something more. It reminded me of how God does not owe us the opportunity to have children, just like ice, they are a bonus. But children, like ice, certainly make life more enjoyable.

“The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning." Sianna’s favorite quote from Narnia

"Everyone's got to be for a child to have a home and love. I mean I don't know anyone who would be against that." ~Dave Thomas

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A Run In With Compassion

Never in my life, can I recall having such a pleasant unpleasant experience as I did a few summers ago while I was an exterminator.

It was around 9 a.m. while driving the bug truck on a rainy, summer day. I was late for a job and to make up some time I cut through a parking lot. As I came around the bend in the road, directly in front of me was an SUV. Unfortunately when I attempted to brake, I hydroplaned and tagged the SUV’s driver’s side rear door.

We both pulled into a side lot to survey the damage. I took a deep breath waiting for the inevitable, an encounter with the irate driver. To my surprise, he was polite and cordial. There was no finger-pointing, screaming, or swearing. At first we were both a bit tentative, but when I simply admitted it was my fault, the tension eased. We then took care of the red tape, shook hands, and went our separate ways.

People tend to show their true nature when things go wrong and they become inconvenienced. The driver of the SUV had every reason to be frustrated and angry, but if he was, it didn’t show. He demonstrated kindness and compassion. I only hope that I would display the same gracious character if the roles were reversed.

“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you; they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” ~ Bernice Johnson Reagon

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