Whitens Teeth

Have you ever read something that made you say “duh”? The other evening I was at the kitchen table when I read this, “God is complex” to which I replied, “really”? Then later that evening I made another stunning discovery when I found myself reading a tube of toothpaste. Allow me to explain….

This is what I read: Whitens teeth; releases pure oxygen bubbles for a clean fresh sensation; and deep cleaning action removes plaque. Then I read the dentist’s advice which was to brush twice a day, floss daily, and visit your dentist regularly. All this made absolute sense.

Then I read some more stuff that made absolutely no or little sense. I read the ingredients: sodium monofluorophosphate, hydrated silica, sodium bicarbonate, titanium dioxide, calcium peroxide, pentasodium triphosphate, tetrasodium pyrophosphate, carrageenan, cellose gum, FD&C blue no. 1, D&C yellow no. 10. This was far too complicated leaving me in a state of “huh”.

My bottom line is this, I understand the directions because they were simple and full of common sense, yet the ingredients were highly confusing. After a visit online I received a better comprehension, but it was still beyond me. So, despite the fact I have no idea what half the ingredients are I faithfully use the toothpaste. Why? I trust the results and the maker to do what it claims because the toothpaste makes my breath fresh, whitens my teeth and fights cavities. Good enough for me.

So, even if I can’t fully understand God with my finite mind I trust Him because I see his handiwork all around me such as the sunrise, the stars in the sky, the change in the seasons and how His mercies seem new to me every morning. Call me simple but if I can trust toothpaste to whiten my teeth I can trust God to do whatever He wants in my life.

“If we could always predict what God would do, then God isn't God. But since we can't put Him in a box and He works in such wondrous ways, He's proved Himself to be God.” Author Unknown

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What Color is God?

The answer to what color God is lies in the title of my favorite book, “The Color of Water.” It is one of the most interesting titles I have ever heard. Why, I’ll tell you.

The title of this book was derived from a conversation the author, James McBride, had with his mother when he asked her what color God was and she responded, “the color of water.” The subtitle and premise of the book is this: A black man’s tribute to his white mother. The book is a unique blend of his mother’s life one chapter and then his the next. This book is a testament to how life can seem so messy at times, but as we progress we see the work of art our life becomes.

McBride wrote this book to honor his mother, even though while he was growing up he didn’t understand her and a lot of the things she did. She was a Jewish woman born in 1921 who was considered dead by her family when she married an African American man. The author was raised in Brooklyn’s Red Hook projects with an eccentric mother who was widowed twice and was the mother of twelve children. Her two driving forces were God and that her children get an education, primarily college.

There are few books I actually read all the way through, yet it was a welcome elixir for my soul at a time after I had suffered great loss. This book brought me back to reality and also helped me escape my hardships at the same time.

Although I enjoyed reading this book, I probably would never have picked it up had I not met James during a service call, while I was an exterminator several years ago. He was a unique and engaging man in his forties with a quick wit, someone you would want to hang out with. After we talked for a while he gave me a signed copy addressed to all the members of my family. Usually an author’s signature is not something I value, but genuine thoughts like his are. It was his personal touch that helped me embrace this book.

So that is why "The Color of Water" is my favorite book. Not because James McBride is a renowned jazz musician or a onetime writer for the Washington Post, but because he became real to me and I wanted to know more from someone whose perspective fascinated me. It was as if he were speaking the words to me and only me. His book encouraged me to keep on trying despite how hard life can be at times and never be afraid to ask questions, even if the answers are illusive.

“The worth of a book is to be measured by what you can carry away from it.” James Bryce

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I Shall Not Want

Who has not gone to a funeral and flipped the bulletin over to read the most famous passage on comfort of all time, Psalm 23. You need read no further than the first line, “The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want…..” For some reason, it has become a theme in my life that I have begun to embrace. Here is why.

When I look at this passage, I am reminded how much I am like the stinky sheep the shepherd in this verse is tending. I do not have it together, not even by a long shot.

Here are the two things I want to say about sheep:

The bad news first, sheep stink and they tend to do their own thing. They are irrational and blind to the needs of others. Sound familiar. Hey, that is what I do a lot. I sure don’t like being called out, but it certainly is the truth. Often because of their foolishness, the shepherd must waste his time rescuing them from barb wire fences, mud, or from walking around in circle. Sheep are easily led astray and often are lured to their death by their enemies.

Now here is the good news, when they listen to the shepherd they tend to ‘go all out’ because when they believe something they are all in. I think that is the, "I shall not want" part. When I do what I want, the end result is often difficulty, but when I do what the shepherd wants life becomes good.

So where am I going with all this sheep stuff, actually it’s pretty simple. Whether we like it or not, or at least for me, I know I am a mess on my own, but when I follow the Good Shepherd, Jesus, everything turns out alright. For me it is not a case of what I know, but who I know. I think all sheep like me should adopt Lord Alfred Tennyson famous quote, “Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die”.

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Spare Change

There is a very special pink purse that hangs on my bedpost. It contains only four dollars and some spare change, but to me that little pink purse is priceless because it belonged to my first daughter. The money has been in this purse since she changed her address to Heaven.

Ten years ago, Alisha had just received money for her seventh birthday and she decided to buy some snacks for her friends she would see that evening. So, off she and I went to the local store. Her smile let me know she was pleased with her selection of chips and crackers, so she began her march toward the register. I can still see her with that pink purse belt strapped around her waist, as she skipped and danced her way to the checkout counter. She was so proud to hand the cashier her money and then she carefully put the dollars and odd cents into her purse. And so it remains there ever since.

Spare change has always been an issue with me and I have always liked to have some jingling in my pocket. My wife would prefer to save it and I believe she is right, but it goes against me. I know if I were to put it aside, after a while it would add up, but I struggle to do so. Why? It’s not a good reason; it’s simply the truth because old habits are hard to break.

Recently I have been thinking about my spare change issue and realized that my spare change isn’t life-changing to me, but when added to others or given to someone with far less it becomes significant. It doesn’t matter where you give your spare change to the Ronald McDonald House, the people who ring the bell for the Salvation Army, or other great charities, it is just important to give.

My daughter, Sianna, who is 8, sweetly told me the other night when we were in the car that she just loved the thought of going home. In her sweet voice she almost whispered, “I can’t wait to get home, I just love it there.” My thoughts went to the children who don’t have a home or a family to call their own and I realized that I need to form a new habit and put my spare change aside.

“Some people give time, some money, some their skills and connections, some literally give their life's blood. But everyone has something to give.” ~ Barbara Bush

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Necessary Action

Good things are happening all around us. I believe, we are more naturally inclined to see the negative rather the positive that takes place. Instead of noticing the naughty child in the store, the rude passenger on an airplane, or the man who makes a scene because his lunch order wasn’t exactly how he ordered it, maybe we should be looking for those who are doing the right thing.

Have you ever just been minding your own business and you noticed someone performing above and beyond the call of duty? I have.

This past weekend after a busy day, my family and I stopped to get something to eat at a fast food restaurant. After we sat down, we heard a loud crash and my wife noticed an elderly man spill his tray of food. It took only a moment before a young worker came to help the man, quickly taking care of the spill and seeing to it that he received a fresh tray of food all while treating him with respect. Soon afterward, the worker was quickly back at his job moving from one task to the next. He went from wiping the tables, to sweeping the floors, then to taking out the trash and it was all done with focus and discipline. Moved by his great work ethic, I approached him and told him I appreciated his hard work and noticed what he had done for the gentleman. I got a “Thank you, sir. I really appreciate that.” As I got in my car, I stole a glance inside to see the young man still working, as he waved goodbye to me. He was the type of worker we would all want to employ if we owned a business.

Years ago, my wife and I encountered another kind of worker who saw beyond his “work”. On a Saturday afternoon we were at a bowling alley with our son and began talking to one of the supervisors. We began sharing some of our life stories together and were simply enjoying his company. As we were leaving, he pulled out his wallet and gave us some money. Stunned, we tried to refuse, but he insisted saying it was his “offering,” his way of helping others. He took what he believed was a necessary action. We have never forgotten him or his kindness.

It’s easy to complain, but how often do we take a moment to recognize the good or take action and help make someone else’s load a little lighter.

“Don’t be yourself, be someone a little nicer.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin

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The Reset Factor

In the early eighties, when the Atari game system was all the rage, a high school friend and I would do battle in the tank game. All would be fine unless I got too far ahead, then suddenly the screen would go blank. My friend had hit the reset button. In recent years, another friend suggested I hit the reset button whenever my day would become too overwhelming. When you choose to reset you give yourself a clean slate and an opportunity to succeed.

Tolstoy once wisely said, “Everyone wants to change the world, but no one wants to change himself.” When you choose to keep your attitude the same, your actions will remain the same. The secret is to take the negative and turn it into a positive. Here are some examples from my own life.

It was sometime in 2005, when as an exterminator my wife called me to alert me of an unexpected large dental bill for my youngest daughter. I was frustrated, so I pulled into a convenience store to grab a cup of coffee and regroup. Then, I saw her. There she was a little girl, around the age of ten in a wheelchair. She was sitting at the bus stop smiling while she waited to be picked up. Immediately my anger was replaced with shame when I realized how foolish I had been. If this young girl could accept the circumstances in her life then I just needed to take a deep breath, reset my attitude and move on.

When I was young, around five or so, I had an annoying habit of speaking too quickly which caused my words to be slurred. For years, people believed my name was Andrew not Aaron Drew because of my sloppy speech habits as I threw the two names together. Then in second grade, I had to go to speech therapy classes with a wonderfully kind elderly gentleman named, Mr. Marconi. He taught me to slow down, take a deep breath and then pronounce my words clearly. It was an amazing transformation because I choose to reset and change my bad habits.

Choices; we make them every day and they shape us. Regardless of our situation or circumstances we make decisions. How you survive is based on you. Over 200 years ago, Samuel Johnson said, “Things don’t go wrong so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.”

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Sweet Inspiration

Junior High school was a cruel time for me. I did not fit in and often I felt lost in my own skin. But in the fall, at least on some Friday nights, I could find solace for one brief moment. After the high school football game, I would tuck my foam seat cushion under my armpit and run the two blocks home pretending to be Walter Payton. Inspired by the man they called Sweetness, for a brief moment, I felt like someone special as I crossed into my front yard scoring an imaginary touchdown.

I so admired Walter Payton and wanted to be like him. In his time, Payton who played running back for the Chicago Bears from 1975 to 1987 won a Super Bowl, went to nine pro bowls, once held the NFL all time rushing record and at the end of his career was voted into the Hall of Fame. However, the story I find most inspiring was the one about his lost Super Bowl ring.

In 1996 when Walter was coaching a high school basketball team, he was talking to them about the importance of faith and trust. So, as symbol of trust, he handed the ring to one of the players and told him to hold it for a few days. Reportedly, the players were in the young man’s basement passing the ring around and inadvertently it was lost. Payton eventually purchased a duplicate ring but then passed away in November 1999 from a rare liver disease.

Then in 2001, Phil Hong, a student at Purdue University, was looking for one of his dog’s toys in a couch and happened upon a discovery of a lifetime: Payton’s Super Bowl ring. The couch was from the basement where the ring was last seen. So, he did the right thing by contacting Walter’s family and personally taking it back to them.

Funny thing how a man named Sweetness inspired me to escape reality by pretending to be like him, while Phil Hong was inspired to embrace reality and do the right thing by doing something Payton himself would have done. Inspired by someone great we should always aspire to do something great.

“If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.” — Isaac Newton

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I'm Done

Recently I sat down with the author of this blog and asked some hard questions.

What qualifies you to write this blog?
I am someone who learns from my mistakes and therefore can offer expert advice on how to stumble through life and try to get it right in the process. I try to share some of the hope, encouragement, and wisdom I have learned as I've experienced life's ups and downs.

Have you ever tried to get a book published?
Yes and I failed miserably. However, I did learn a valuable lesson. In 2007 when I sent out queries, I received over thirty rejection notices before I gave up counting. Sometime after that I just started to write for myself, while occasionally allowing friends and family to see my ponderings. My writing did need work and I have learned much from failure. I agree with Samuel Beckett when he said, “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”

Have you ever had anything published on any level?
Yes. I have been published three times in the Upper Room devotional, briefly wrote for a local newspaper and contributed to the book SIMPLE LITTLE WORDS. My family's story was included in David Jeremiah’s book, BEND IN THE ROAD.

What do you love/hate most about writing?
Editing. It is a necessary evil that I have grown to appreciate over time. My wife edits my blogs and does an excellent job of cleaning up my writing and making it easier for you to understand. For me, it is easier just to write what I am thinking, but I now realize writing is about connecting with others and not just doing what feels good.

Can you offer any advice on how to figure life out?
No, I’m done attempting to chase the wind. Nevertheless, I do attempt to offer honest advice that I’ve learned from some of the darkest days a man can face. Hopefully my pain can be your gain.

What was the first car you bought?
A light blue 1975 Dodge Dart. Ugly as sin, fairly dependable, lasted forever. It helped me discover my wife was the one for me, because she definitely was not dating me for my car. The only people who liked it were the neighbor boys who were about five at the time.

What is your favorite role in life?
That’s easy, husband and father. Although you will have to ask my family how I am doing, I so enjoy having a daily opportunity to be close to the people I love. It is the most important job I will ever have and is something I don’t take for granted.

On a personal note have you ever done anything society would consider crazy?
OK, here it is, I am going to lay it all out. God is asking my wife and me to do something crazy. God is asking us to adopt again and I am all in. I believe if God calls you to do something outside your comfort zone He will provide the resources, it is just our job to follow. At this point, we are just being obedient and where it ends up is yet to be seen. When it comes to adoption, I believe, if you have love you better give it. There’s no need to save it, you won’t run out.

Have you ever not given your all?
Yes. I’m not proud of it, but I have been guilty in the past. To be entirely honest, I thought I would have quit this blog by now, because when things get tough sometimes I give up. Now, I seek to work through the hard and not be controlled by what I feel.

Define yourself in two words?
Inconsistent persistence.

Do you have anything more to add?
No, I’m done.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Always Be Prepared

Although “always be prepared,” may be a great motto for some, I however have found it to be more of a mixed bag.

In being prepared, I think one should always have a pen handy, but this has also proved to be a flawed theory. It was 11:00 pm and the next day we were slated to drive to Texas to drop our son off at college. Before going to bed, we just had few loose ends to tie up. As I opened the dryer, I found my mistake, I had left a pen in my shorts and blue ink stains were everywhere. When I told my family of my gaffe, they were quite irritated with me seeing it was our travel clothes for the next day. I have previously left tissues in my pocket, but this was far more frustrating and costly. The end result, we had to buy some new clothes, wear some with stains on them, but in time I was forgiven and now I try to be better prepared by checking all my pockets twice before I wash anything.

There was another time when I was changing the oil in my car and learned a valuable lesson. The oil change was going smoothly and I was almost done, pouring the oil back into the engine. I just needed to check and see if more was needed and then I was finished. To my horror, when I pulled the dipstick it was dry. In my haste, I had forgotten to screw the plug back into the oil pan and as I peered under the car there was an enormous puddle of oil on the asphalt. Fortunately, nothing some rags, papers towels, and a lot of oil dry couldn’t fix. So now when I change my oil I always double check to see if the plug is in and I always have oil dry on hand.

In life, whether we are prepared or not bad stuff happens. I have found it is always best to shake it off and keep washing till the blue ink stains fade or keep putting oil dry on the spill till it is soaked up. Regardless of your dilemma, always remember to be prepared to learn from your mistakes.

“All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from their mistakes.” ~Winston Churchill

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Something Divine

“To err is human, to forgive is divine.” Some things are very difficult to forgive and in some people’s opinions almost unforgivable. For a long time, I struggled to forgive the person who caused the accident that forever changed our lives. So in attempt to put the issue to rest I wrote the person an open ended letter, to a fellow human being I would like to offer some hope.

After many failed attempts to find the right words, below is the final draft:

To whom it may concern,

For the most part I forgave you a long time ago, but there were times when I would become angry when I passed the scene of the accident. For many years I could forgive the actual act, but had a hard time understanding how someone could not stop. I don’t mean to be blunt, just honest.

A few years ago, while driving with my brother-in-law, Ed, we drove through that intersection. When I became irritated Ed addressed the situation. He asked me why I was so upset since I didn’t know why the person kept going. There could be many reasons why the driver didn’t stop. Maybe they had trouble with the law or were under the influence or they were simply too scared to stop. All plausible answers might I add.

To my shame, I had thought you a coward and for that I apologize. Who am to judge? From that moment on I have sought to give you the benefit of the doubt. I choose to look for the good. It’s easy to say what I would have done had the shoe been on the other foot, but if I’m totally honest, I simply don’t know.

Yes, my future was dramatically changed from how I envisioned it, but I have chosen to accept the change and become better because of it. My hope is that you have been able to do the same. Someday I hope to meet you and be able to put a face to the person I have prayed for, for so long.

Sincerely with deepest hopes you can accept my forgiveness,

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“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.” ~ Groucho Marx