Exercising Grace

We can’t help for growing old, but we sure can contribute to growing old gracefully.

Real life is often more stirring than fiction.  Well, at least that’s what I discovered about a week ago while I was out having Starbucks’ coffee with a friend.

We had been having a great time catching up and were on our second cup, when nature called.   As I entered the hallway to the bathroom I saw a disappointing sight.  A middle aged Asian woman was trying to turn the door handle on the Ladies’ room when all of a sudden the door flew open.  It was an elderly lady, albeit the grumpy old kind and she was full of insults for the apparently nice Asian woman.  The grumpy old lady started off with “You could have at least let me get out first.” Then, rest of the insults just sounded like one of Charlie Brown’s teachers: blah, blah, blah, blah….

After all that anger polluted the air, the grumpy old lady left the hallway.  Then something refreshing filled the air when the poor insulted Asian lady spoke.  In a matter of a fact way she hit me with this nugget of truth.  In broken English she said when she got older hopefully she wouldn’t be so grumpy, but wished she would GROW OLD GRACEFULLY.

No life better exhibited growing old gracefully than holocaust survivor and author of the book, The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom.  She exercised grace up until the day she met her Maker at the age of 91.  Most definitely she is someone I would like to meet when I get to Heaven. 

This wonderful lady had every right to be a grumpy old lady, especially since she lost many family members who died in concentration camps.  Corrie is a great example of grace, in that she had lived through great acts of evil, yet through the power of God forgave even her own Nazi captor, who had contributed to her sister’s death. 

Too many times in anger or frustration, we have all lashed out on others when we feel we are being taken advantage of unfairly. However, in so doing our point is often totally lost because of the way we presented our argument.  

Grace allows us a better option than just leaving a mess behind.  Life, just like when you fry bacon, often makes a greasy mess and we must choose to put a lid on it and turn down the heat by using grace.  Or we can let it splatter by letting our anger out.  The choice is ours, but these days I’m keeping a lid handy.

Exercising grace is the best way I know how to counteract all the jerks in the world.

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Having A Moment

Every man dies.  Not every man truly lives.  William Wallace

 

We all get misty sometimes.  Especially, when we think of what might have been. It’s OK to have a moment and cry and miss someone or just be sad.  Then take that memory, make it smile and go forward in your life.

Here are two recent personal examples of having a moment:

Example A- 

Just the other day I saw what might have been.  It was a Saturday morning and we needed milk for cereal, so I drove to the local gas station to get some.  It was with milk in hand that out of the corner of my eye I saw a young girl in her early twenties.   She was nicely dressed with a white blouse, bright blue belt, matching purse and a plain ankle length skirt.  Something, in an innocent way, seemed familiar about her. 

Then as I got into my car to leave I saw her fueling up her car, which was an older foreign model.  Who knows where she was going, just starting her day off or setting out on an adventure?    It made no sense why this young girl in her twenties, had caught my attention.  Then, it hit me, she reminded me of my daughter, Alisha, who would have been about her age, if she were still alive. 

 So, as I drove by the girl in the bright blue belt and purse I smiled to myself, remembered my daughter and had a moment.  Not angry, just reflective.  Personally, I was happy to see others making their way in the world and content to know my daughter is safe in the arms of Jesus.  Till that great day when I can hold her again, I will try to keep taking one day at a time.  Just like the girl at the gas pump, as she treated life like a big adventure, moving ever forward.

Example B- 

This was one of those tear jerking occasions I saw coming, but refused to get out of the way. This past October my niece, Erica, asked me to join her in the father-daughter dance at her wedding.  Her dad had died in 2009 and could not fulfill his privileged obligation and my daughter, who I would never get to dance with, had died when she was seven.  We both knew it wouldn’t be easy, not to mention my dancing skills are awful.  However, to not dance would be us not making the most out of a difficult situation.  Love for my niece and wanting her to have a good memory on her wedding day made me try regardless of the outcome.

Out on the dance floor, despite my two left feet, something wonderful was transpiring.  When the song, You’ll Be in My Heart from the movie Tarzan, played I began to cry, even though I knew it was coming. These were the last words I had sung to my daughter before she died, because it was her favorite song. Then, my niece began to cry. 

Halfway through she even offered to let me off the hook, but the moment needed to be had.  I apologized for my lousy skills and she reminded me her dad was a white guy who couldn’t dance either.  Then something magical happened, we began to laugh and eventually smile. As I turned her round and around in circles, I was hoping the song would end so we could stop crying and at the same time hoping it would last a bit longer.  As it ended I kissed Erica on the cheek, said something mushy and disappeared into the crowd, so I could be alone with my thoughts.

Life is seldom fair.  However, that evening I learned this, healing begins by crying, eventually turns to laughter, and ends in a smile, if you let it. 

Having a moment to honor those we love is natural; just don’t waste your life wallowing over what might have been.

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Curious Instructions

If you think you’re going to sum up your whole life on this little bit of paper, you’re crazy. (fortune cookie saying)

Who doesn’t love fortune cookies and the crazy things they often reveal to us.  Hidden inside these cookies made of flour, sugar, vanilla and sesame oil are curious instructions chock full of profound thoughts, unusual notions and zany ideas.

Here are some facts you may or may not have known about fortune cookies, which I find particularly nasty to eat.  They are not sold in China.  By all accounts, fortune cookies originated in Japan.  A large majority of the actual cookies are produced in Brooklyn, New York, where they produce over four million a day.  And most of the sayings come from a company based in San Francisco.

So, in honor of this strange little treat, I decided to gather a bunch of sayings that I believe you would or could find when you open up a fortune cookie:

PROFOUND THOUGHTS

Be resolved and the thing is done.

Our pleasures are shallow, our troubles deep.

A cynic is only a frustrated optimist

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind, and won’t change the subject

UNUSUAL NOTIONS

One foot cannot stand in two boats at once.

You cannot clap with one hand.

A conclusion is simply a place where you got tired of thinking.

He who throws dirt is losing ground.

ZANY IDEAS

Never set the tiger free, if you live in the mountain. 

Never forget a friend, especially if he owes you. 

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? 

When in anger sing the alphabet

With all that said, remember it is always good to gather information through life experiences.  Fortune cookies are a great reminder to allow yourself to be inspired by what we see and hear every day.  And at the same time, like with fortune cookies, we need to be discriminating when we encounter something utterly ridiculous and  hit the mental delete button.

Like in life, when reading curious instructions always take the good with the bad.

 

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Double Order

 

Pleasant childhood memories refresh even the weariest of souls. 

If the truth be told, from time to time we all long to feel special.

About a month ago, I was researching famous first lines of novels when I came across an curious first line, from a book entitled, One Hundred Years of Solitude.  “Many years later as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice. 

It got me to thinking about several occasions in my childhood when my grandfather took me out for a double order of French fries at his favorite diner. The occasion was usually my birthday and we would arrive at his favorite diner just as breakfast was ending and lunch was beginning. My grandfather was a rotund, shorter, balding man whose voice I could listen to all day.  He was the kind of person who had an air of confidence that I admired and sought to have for myself.  During these special occasions he would order some eggs and coffee and I’d get a double order of as many diner French fries they could pile on a plate. On rare occasion they would even offer a triple order of fries.   Now that was living.

To this day, I can still smell the scent of greasy food and cigarette smoke coming from the diner, as well as hear the dishes clanking as the bus boy collected them.  In my mind’s eye, I can also still see the waitress smile and ask my grandfather who he had brought today.  It is hard to do justice to such a memory that just made me feel so special.  It just had an electric feel about it that you just don’t forget, like it just happened yesterday.  It made me feel secure, comfortable and grown up all at the same time.  Not to mention, I loved eating those greasy fries smothered in ketchup.  But, mostly I think it was just being in the company of someone I deeply admired and loved.

 

It is a strange thing how childhood memories can transport us back in time to a safer place where the world seemed a little less cruel.  Just like the man in the book, One Hundred Years Of Solitude, who was fondly remembering discovering ice, right before he was about to die in front of a firing squad.

  

We all should have some good kind of memory to pull from to help us through the rough spots in life. A moment  when someone took the time to make us feel special and loved; to talk to us like we were a grown-up, even though we weren’t yet.   With that being said, may we all look for opportunities  with the ones we love to reciprocate  the same kind of experience we hard, when our souls smiled.

Cherished memories, like a double of fries with your grandfather, are special treasures God grants to us to make life a little easier to bear up under. 

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Stick-to-it-iveness

 

For something to last it has to held together by something that won’t give in or out easily.

You can only know what you know.  Before I looked it up I thought the term sticking point meant the moment at which something becomes glued together.  Guess I was thinking about the word, freezing point. However, the true definition of sticking point is this: “something that people disagree about and that prevents progress from being made.”

So, rather than talk about problems without solutions, let’s talk about things that last a long time and have a certain stick-to-it-iveness.  Speaking of this word, did you know that it means dogged perseverance; tenacity. What’s not to love?   Especially, since we live in a society that would rather run than stay and work out their differences.

A few months ago a thought piqued my interest while I was reading Malcom Gladwell’s book, The Tipping Point.  This thought or phenomenon can best be described as the stickiness factor.  In his book, Gladwell was discussing why some consumer items are considered sticky and remain viable over long periods of time, while others do not hold their own and eventually die off.  

For my money, nothing better epitomizes the stickiness factor than the traditional wedding vows.  To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish:  from this day forward until death do us part.  Which is answered by these simple two words: I DO.  Sadly, too many people are really answering, I do for now, but let’s wait and see if it all works out.

The phrase which sticks out in these vows for me is for better or for worse, which I believe is stick-to –it-iveness, like glue, in any good relationship. Will you both be willing to persevere despite hard times, conflict and whatever may come?  Faithful perseverance, not blind faith is the key here. The reason I am thinking about such is my wife and I are now on our 26^th year together and sometimes I wonder how. My answer is simple: we enjoy being with one another, more than not.

Like better or for worse, life is often made up of another sticky question, do you?  This is what people in a long relationship ask when they no longer feel in love: do you? This is something a child, either born into or adopted in their family asks their parents about their love for them, do you? This is something that Jesus asked Peter after the resurrection about his love for Him, before He leaves for Heaven: do you?

For better or for worse and do you are burning questions not of emotion, but of devotion. Neither of the above phrases should be used lightly.  Marriage, loving a child, following God or any deep relationship is not for the faint of heart because it takes commitment.  It involves emptying yourself of all but love; it requires a love that is sticky.

Love is the stick-to-it–iveness that glues all of our important relationships together.

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Universal Language

 Close your eyes and smile at least once a day.  Anonymous

Several years ago at work I happened to pass someone's cubicle door with the above picture hanging on it.  It was accompanied by this caption: close your eyes and smile at least once a day.  Of course, I complied and immediately felt better.

Have you ever heard the saying that it takes more muscles to frown than smile?  The truth is that no one is quite sure if that statement is completely valid or just an old wives' tale.  However, whether smiling uses more muscles or not, it is fair to say that it certainly takes more effort to frown. 

 

With that being said, I believe the best thing about a smile is it’s the ultimate way of saying more by saying less.  Smiling is interpretative and has the power to communicate without saying a blessed word.

For example, twice I have traveled to China and both times I possessed no ability to speak the language.  However, it was amazing to me that even though I could barely order coffee in Chinese, a smile spoke volumes.  When I did try to speak my pathetic version of Chinese I got a lot of laughs and smiles.  It is possible that as they were smiling they were thinking me an idiot, nonetheless I was communicating.

Another great example of a smile is from the movie, A Christmas Carol.  It is at the end when Scrooge comes to visit his nephew for supper after he had just been visited by the three Christmas Ghosts.  He is in the parlor of his nephew’s home as the maid takes his coat.  Scrooge hesitates for a brief moment to open the parlor door because he knows his cantankerous reputation precedes him.  It is then that the kindly maid persuades him to move forward by smiling and bobbing her head as she opens the door.  Ultimately, once inside Scrooge proceeds to ask forgiveness for his past failings and is accepted with open arms by his nephew and wife.

Then there is the song, Sarah Smile, by Hall and Oates. When I hear this song it takes me back to when I was in elementary school and life was much simpler.  If I remember correctly, I believe my friend’s parents liked Hall and Oates and I heard it a lot when I was over at his apartment.  Every time I hear it just makes me happy. It just makes me smile. 

We live in a time when there is so much to frown about it, that unfortunately we tend to focus on the wrong things. So, whether it takes a poster or a movie or a song, it is a good thing to smile. 

We should all speak the universal language of smiling- early, often and daily.

Swavel

Push Through

 

 

In a perfect world there would be no pain, however we don’t live in a perfect world.

Here are a few simple facts about pain.  It is messy. It hurts.  It is unavoidable. We all struggle with it.  Pain if monitored can be an excellent motivator.

Regardless of age, we all like to complain about aches and pains, usually pertaining to our body.  To name a few examples: pain in the back, pain in the neck, pain in the shoulder, pain in the ankle. Speaking of the latter, who can forget about Curt Schilling and his epic bloody sock?  It was about ten years ago during a pivotal playoff game when the Boston Red Sox hurler pitched  the game on an ankle with torn ligaments and won the game.  His effort helped to propel the Red Sox on to their first World Series Championship in eighty six years.

However how noble it was for Shilling to push through his physical pain to win a baseball game, mental and emotional pain can be far worse.  In his book, The Problem of Pain, C. S. Lewis makes this profound statement.  God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain…

In my own personal experience I have struggled with such pain in extreme fashion.  In one of the toughest moments of my life I had to choose whether to take someone, whom I loved more than myself, off of life support or not.  Talk about a world of emotional pain and unrest.  Such is when you must struggle with a broken heart, yet God can use it if you let Him.

Since pain can motivate or debilitate, what is the alternative to pain? The apostle Paul said, our goal is to please him. As believers we should be striving to do things that please God not pain Him.  Sadly, we often have our own agenda, something I know well since I am a chief offender.   But, I am trying to embrace this thought: God is with me, not against me.  I need to intentionally be a pleasure to God, not someone who causes him to turn away because it hurts too much to watch.

We can choose to push through the pain or to be overwhelmed by it.

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Head Shot

 

To be on our game is always preferred over being off kilter. 

We live in a world where routine is king.  Since we are creatures of habit if we get knocked out of sync it throws us for a loop.

This past week was such a week as I had a head cold that had me going thru tissues like there was no tomorrow and sleeping a lot.  During my illness my eldest daughter and I were talking about getting hit in the face.  It was then that I shared an occasion when I had received a head a shot.  It was my favorite dumb story of me during my teen years, of how at the time I thought I was so cool and invincible.  

The story goes like this.  I was in high school volleyball class with a chip on my shoulder, when   I played a lot of so-called volleyball at my church youth group and though I was all that.  Then one day in gym class reality reared its ugly head as l found myself across the net from a football player.  We both went up for a disputed ball at the net, he went to spike and me to block.  However, being the idiot I was, I put up both hands like I was signaling for a touchdown.  He took advantage of my ineptitude and   appropriately knocked me down with a spike that separated me from my glasses.    Leaving me in a heap dazed on the floor and my glasses in two separate pieces careening across the floor.  Unfortunately for him his girlfriend yelled at him, me I felt I got what I had coming to me.

This also reminds me of another time when I was on a youth group trip at the age of fifteen.  We were in Colorado at Rocky Mountain national Park in late summer.  The cool thing was that in Colorado with the high altitude you can have snow up toward the summit.  So, we were having a snowball fight when a girl about  my age hit me right in the ear with one.  Like a pansy, I went to the car.   Later, due the altitude a I got sick and won’t elaborate, but I let a little piece of white stuff get me down.

So, what is the lesson here?  Like a head cold or head shot form a volleyball or snowball initially we get stunned, and then knocked on our keister.  Then we have time to reflect.  Recently with my head cold, while taking a nap I took time to pray and ask God what he wanted me to do with my life right now.  It helped, at least for me, to. do a little spiritual inventory and focus on what truly matters again.

Minus the headache there is nothing like a head shot to help clear you thought.

 

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Snowmen Melt

“Some people are worth melting for.”  Olaf the snowman (from the movie Frozen)

Just a quick heads up, if you are looking for a light read, this is not it.  In our time together I am going to discuss dying and how much our existence can be compared to that of a snowman that over time melts.  In essence we are nothing more than snowmen, which by design are not built to last.  Simply put they are created for the personal pleasure of their Creator.

So, before I elaborate more on the fate of (snow) men, allow me to list the key ingredients it takes to build a proper snowman:

-Three round snowballs consisting of large one for the base, a medium one for the middle and a smaller one for the top

 

-About seven round stones or pieces of coal to form a mouth 

-Two buttons for the eyes

-Orange carrot for the nose 

-Winter hat or top hat

Now, allow me to elaborate more on the inevitable.  “One small fact; you are going to die.  Despite every effort, no one lives forever.” This quote from the movie, The Book Thief, is an accurate assessment.   Another way to put it is, we are nothing more than pawns.  Standing in a hospital parking lot during one of the most profound periods of my life a friend wisely spoke this sentiment to me.   Strangely it was encouraging when he reminded me of my temporary state. Subsequently, he could have interchanged snowmen instead of pawns and made the same point.

 

So, while we as snowmen are here, “all living,” as Frosty once said, we have two choices as far as I can see it. Either we can empty ourselves of all but love on others or keep that love to ourselves.  Whichever way we choose to live, in the end we all melt.  So, we can choose to be mean to fellow snowmen, i.e. our fellow human beings, which is a lousy way to exist.  Or rather we can be like Olaf the snowman, and find as many people as possible who are worth melting for, while we got the time.

Being a snowman is what it is.  There is no fountain of youth and no snow that never melts, at least not here on Earth.   However, my hope is placed in Jesus, when he said, if I go and prepare a place for you’ I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am you may be also.  My interpretation, reading in between the lines a little, is that it is a place where the snow never melts and that place is Heaven.

Although it may be true that snowmen melt, I have determined in my life to smile till I melt and my carrot falls off my face.

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Lucy Moment

Often our disappointments morph our triumphs.

More times than not, as human beings, we tend to focus on the bad things in life.  That was my first  thought  the morning after Russell Wilson threw an interception with just seconds to go turning an apparent Seahawks’ victory into a  loss in this year’s Super Bowl. It was akin to Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown right before he kicked it in the Penauts’ comic strips.  Life is cruel that way.  One moment it looks like it is all going to work out, then disaster strikes and everybody wants to blame somebody. 

Years ago as a teen, I had a similar Lucy Moment when my Miami Dolphins were in Super Bowl XXVII against the Washington Redskins.  To this day, I can still remember sitting in front of my family’s TV hoping my team could hang on to a slim lead late in the game, during a pivotal play when the Redskins had a fourth and one.   The Redskins handed the football to their workhorse running back, John Riggins, aptly named the Diesel and all he had in his way was a much smaller defender, Don McNeal, trying to arm tackle him. 

 

What happened next was predictable, unless of course you were a diehard Dolphins’ fan hoping against hope.  All Riggins proceeded to do was shrug McNeal off like he was a bad habit and rumbled forty yards for the go ahead touchdown, from which my team would never recover. Disappointed hardly describes how I felt.   However, all the Redskins did was played the odds, big guy vs. small guy, and they had won.  Sadly, many people wanted to blame McNeal when in reality it was not his fault.  The truth is one play seldom dooms you, it is a series of plays during the entire game, lots of little decisions.  That night I learned that life can be sudden and final on some matters.  Some times we just don’t get what we want. 

  

During  Charles Schulz’s last interview before he died, the Peanuts’ creator lamented the fact that  Charlie Brown never got to kick the football from Lucy. In my opinion, when we encounter a Lucy Moment and life pulls the football away from us, we have two options. One, don’t let one moment define you but rather get up off the ground and take what you learned from the mishap and apply it to the rest of your life.  Two, we can go insane like Charlie Brown and keep trying to kick that football.

 

Remember, insanity is the very definition of doing something over and over again expecting different results and that’s a losing proposition.  Some issues or events, like interceptions in Super Bowl never resolve themselves.  The best way to live life is to live it fully, not fully dreading each day.

Lucy moments teach us to get back up and accordingly see things for what they truly are.

 

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