Stop & Think

Some things in life have questions without tangible answers.

Here are two questions that make we stop and think: 1-What happens when you die?  2- What makes some people hurt others?

First, what happens when you die?  

  

Tricky question to answer in a way. My answer cannot be proven to you beyond a shadow of a visual doubt. All I can tell you is no one can show you all the seen evidence you might want.  This is a matter of faith.  Faith in a unseen God who sent His visible Son, Jesus, down from Heaven to save our very souls.

Some doubt God exists, some doubt Jesus was God in human form, some believe this is a personal matter to be left alone.  While many people believe other various actions will grant them entrance into Heaven. Some just hope that they are doing enough.

The truth is one day we will find out when we meet our Maker, unless you are atheist and then you just fade away.  I bring up this question not to argue, but I believe Jesus is the only answer.  It’s just like He said, I am the way, the truth and the life and In my Father’s house are many mansions, if it were not so I would have told you.  Not to mention the Bible says that Jesus is the same, yesterday, today, and forever and in Him I have guaranteed hope. However, without God in the equation there is always doubt, hopelessness and fear involved.

Second, what makes some people hurt others? 

When I see harm being done from one person to another, it often seems to me to be fueled by anger and uncertainty.  It can be a parent who withholds his love but pours out his anger on his child. There are children who steal and commit crimes citing they were neglected or abused.  Then there are others who are just disgruntled that life has done them wrong as they lash out almost randomly at whoever annoys them.  The list goes on and on, often turning them into victims and paralyzing them emotionally while inciting their anger at others.

 

In all our lives, we have either been hurt or else harmed someone ruthlessly. It has been said that hate is just frustrated love.  Often we hurt others just because we don’t like something about them or they remind of us someone who irritates us or who even knows why.  Many times I think people are just too busy thinking about today to worry about other people’s feelings.

Again, I have no 100% answer to this problem, but God solved hate by giving and forgiving.  Easter and Christmas emphasize His intentions wholeheartedly. Thankfully, God showed us love, not the hate we often show those we get fed up with from time to time.

Stop and think about this: what happens next is already a certainty with God. 

Swavel

 

Exercising Grace

We can’t help for growing old, but we sure can contribute to growing old gracefully.

Real life is often more stirring than fiction.  Well, at least that’s what I discovered about a week ago while I was out having Starbucks’ coffee with a friend.

We had been having a great time catching up and were on our second cup, when nature called.   As I entered the hallway to the bathroom I saw a disappointing sight.  A middle aged Asian woman was trying to turn the door handle on the Ladies’ room when all of a sudden the door flew open.  It was an elderly lady, albeit the grumpy old kind and she was full of insults for the apparently nice Asian woman.  The grumpy old lady started off with “You could have at least let me get out first.” Then, rest of the insults just sounded like one of Charlie Brown’s teachers: blah, blah, blah, blah….

After all that anger polluted the air, the grumpy old lady left the hallway.  Then something refreshing filled the air when the poor insulted Asian lady spoke.  In a matter of a fact way she hit me with this nugget of truth.  In broken English she said when she got older hopefully she wouldn’t be so grumpy, but wished she would GROW OLD GRACEFULLY.

No life better exhibited growing old gracefully than holocaust survivor and author of the book, The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom.  She exercised grace up until the day she met her Maker at the age of 91.  Most definitely she is someone I would like to meet when I get to Heaven. 

This wonderful lady had every right to be a grumpy old lady, especially since she lost many family members who died in concentration camps.  Corrie is a great example of grace, in that she had lived through great acts of evil, yet through the power of God forgave even her own Nazi captor, who had contributed to her sister’s death. 

Too many times in anger or frustration, we have all lashed out on others when we feel we are being taken advantage of unfairly. However, in so doing our point is often totally lost because of the way we presented our argument.  

Grace allows us a better option than just leaving a mess behind.  Life, just like when you fry bacon, often makes a greasy mess and we must choose to put a lid on it and turn down the heat by using grace.  Or we can let it splatter by letting our anger out.  The choice is ours, but these days I’m keeping a lid handy.

Exercising grace is the best way I know how to counteract all the jerks in the world.

Swavel

Having A Moment

Every man dies.  Not every man truly lives.  William Wallace

 

We all get misty sometimes.  Especially, when we think of what might have been. It’s OK to have a moment and cry and miss someone or just be sad.  Then take that memory, make it smile and go forward in your life.

Here are two recent personal examples of having a moment:

Example A- 

Just the other day I saw what might have been.  It was a Saturday morning and we needed milk for cereal, so I drove to the local gas station to get some.  It was with milk in hand that out of the corner of my eye I saw a young girl in her early twenties.   She was nicely dressed with a white blouse, bright blue belt, matching purse and a plain ankle length skirt.  Something, in an innocent way, seemed familiar about her. 

Then as I got into my car to leave I saw her fueling up her car, which was an older foreign model.  Who knows where she was going, just starting her day off or setting out on an adventure?    It made no sense why this young girl in her twenties, had caught my attention.  Then, it hit me, she reminded me of my daughter, Alisha, who would have been about her age, if she were still alive. 

 So, as I drove by the girl in the bright blue belt and purse I smiled to myself, remembered my daughter and had a moment.  Not angry, just reflective.  Personally, I was happy to see others making their way in the world and content to know my daughter is safe in the arms of Jesus.  Till that great day when I can hold her again, I will try to keep taking one day at a time.  Just like the girl at the gas pump, as she treated life like a big adventure, moving ever forward.

Example B- 

This was one of those tear jerking occasions I saw coming, but refused to get out of the way. This past October my niece, Erica, asked me to join her in the father-daughter dance at her wedding.  Her dad had died in 2009 and could not fulfill his privileged obligation and my daughter, who I would never get to dance with, had died when she was seven.  We both knew it wouldn’t be easy, not to mention my dancing skills are awful.  However, to not dance would be us not making the most out of a difficult situation.  Love for my niece and wanting her to have a good memory on her wedding day made me try regardless of the outcome.

Out on the dance floor, despite my two left feet, something wonderful was transpiring.  When the song, You’ll Be in My Heart from the movie Tarzan, played I began to cry, even though I knew it was coming. These were the last words I had sung to my daughter before she died, because it was her favorite song. Then, my niece began to cry. 

Halfway through she even offered to let me off the hook, but the moment needed to be had.  I apologized for my lousy skills and she reminded me her dad was a white guy who couldn’t dance either.  Then something magical happened, we began to laugh and eventually smile. As I turned her round and around in circles, I was hoping the song would end so we could stop crying and at the same time hoping it would last a bit longer.  As it ended I kissed Erica on the cheek, said something mushy and disappeared into the crowd, so I could be alone with my thoughts.

Life is seldom fair.  However, that evening I learned this, healing begins by crying, eventually turns to laughter, and ends in a smile, if you let it. 

Having a moment to honor those we love is natural; just don’t waste your life wallowing over what might have been.

Swavel

Curious Instructions

If you think you’re going to sum up your whole life on this little bit of paper, you’re crazy. (fortune cookie saying)

Who doesn’t love fortune cookies and the crazy things they often reveal to us.  Hidden inside these cookies made of flour, sugar, vanilla and sesame oil are curious instructions chock full of profound thoughts, unusual notions and zany ideas.

Here are some facts you may or may not have known about fortune cookies, which I find particularly nasty to eat.  They are not sold in China.  By all accounts, fortune cookies originated in Japan.  A large majority of the actual cookies are produced in Brooklyn, New York, where they produce over four million a day.  And most of the sayings come from a company based in San Francisco.

So, in honor of this strange little treat, I decided to gather a bunch of sayings that I believe you would or could find when you open up a fortune cookie:

PROFOUND THOUGHTS

Be resolved and the thing is done.

Our pleasures are shallow, our troubles deep.

A cynic is only a frustrated optimist

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind, and won’t change the subject

UNUSUAL NOTIONS

One foot cannot stand in two boats at once.

You cannot clap with one hand.

A conclusion is simply a place where you got tired of thinking.

He who throws dirt is losing ground.

ZANY IDEAS

Never set the tiger free, if you live in the mountain. 

Never forget a friend, especially if he owes you. 

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? 

When in anger sing the alphabet

With all that said, remember it is always good to gather information through life experiences.  Fortune cookies are a great reminder to allow yourself to be inspired by what we see and hear every day.  And at the same time, like with fortune cookies, we need to be discriminating when we encounter something utterly ridiculous and  hit the mental delete button.

Like in life, when reading curious instructions always take the good with the bad.

 

Swavel

Double Order

 

Pleasant childhood memories refresh even the weariest of souls. 

If the truth be told, from time to time we all long to feel special.

About a month ago, I was researching famous first lines of novels when I came across an curious first line, from a book entitled, One Hundred Years of Solitude.  “Many years later as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice. 

It got me to thinking about several occasions in my childhood when my grandfather took me out for a double order of French fries at his favorite diner. The occasion was usually my birthday and we would arrive at his favorite diner just as breakfast was ending and lunch was beginning. My grandfather was a rotund, shorter, balding man whose voice I could listen to all day.  He was the kind of person who had an air of confidence that I admired and sought to have for myself.  During these special occasions he would order some eggs and coffee and I’d get a double order of as many diner French fries they could pile on a plate. On rare occasion they would even offer a triple order of fries.   Now that was living.

To this day, I can still smell the scent of greasy food and cigarette smoke coming from the diner, as well as hear the dishes clanking as the bus boy collected them.  In my mind’s eye, I can also still see the waitress smile and ask my grandfather who he had brought today.  It is hard to do justice to such a memory that just made me feel so special.  It just had an electric feel about it that you just don’t forget, like it just happened yesterday.  It made me feel secure, comfortable and grown up all at the same time.  Not to mention, I loved eating those greasy fries smothered in ketchup.  But, mostly I think it was just being in the company of someone I deeply admired and loved.

 

It is a strange thing how childhood memories can transport us back in time to a safer place where the world seemed a little less cruel.  Just like the man in the book, One Hundred Years Of Solitude, who was fondly remembering discovering ice, right before he was about to die in front of a firing squad.

  

We all should have some good kind of memory to pull from to help us through the rough spots in life. A moment  when someone took the time to make us feel special and loved; to talk to us like we were a grown-up, even though we weren’t yet.   With that being said, may we all look for opportunities  with the ones we love to reciprocate  the same kind of experience we hard, when our souls smiled.

Cherished memories, like a double of fries with your grandfather, are special treasures God grants to us to make life a little easier to bear up under. 

Swavel

 

Stick-to-it-iveness

 

For something to last it has to held together by something that won’t give in or out easily.

You can only know what you know.  Before I looked it up I thought the term sticking point meant the moment at which something becomes glued together.  Guess I was thinking about the word, freezing point. However, the true definition of sticking point is this: “something that people disagree about and that prevents progress from being made.”

So, rather than talk about problems without solutions, let’s talk about things that last a long time and have a certain stick-to-it-iveness.  Speaking of this word, did you know that it means dogged perseverance; tenacity. What’s not to love?   Especially, since we live in a society that would rather run than stay and work out their differences.

A few months ago a thought piqued my interest while I was reading Malcom Gladwell’s book, The Tipping Point.  This thought or phenomenon can best be described as the stickiness factor.  In his book, Gladwell was discussing why some consumer items are considered sticky and remain viable over long periods of time, while others do not hold their own and eventually die off.  

For my money, nothing better epitomizes the stickiness factor than the traditional wedding vows.  To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish:  from this day forward until death do us part.  Which is answered by these simple two words: I DO.  Sadly, too many people are really answering, I do for now, but let’s wait and see if it all works out.

The phrase which sticks out in these vows for me is for better or for worse, which I believe is stick-to –it-iveness, like glue, in any good relationship. Will you both be willing to persevere despite hard times, conflict and whatever may come?  Faithful perseverance, not blind faith is the key here. The reason I am thinking about such is my wife and I are now on our 26^th year together and sometimes I wonder how. My answer is simple: we enjoy being with one another, more than not.

Like better or for worse, life is often made up of another sticky question, do you?  This is what people in a long relationship ask when they no longer feel in love: do you? This is something a child, either born into or adopted in their family asks their parents about their love for them, do you? This is something that Jesus asked Peter after the resurrection about his love for Him, before He leaves for Heaven: do you?

For better or for worse and do you are burning questions not of emotion, but of devotion. Neither of the above phrases should be used lightly.  Marriage, loving a child, following God or any deep relationship is not for the faint of heart because it takes commitment.  It involves emptying yourself of all but love; it requires a love that is sticky.

Love is the stick-to-it–iveness that glues all of our important relationships together.

Swavel

 

Universal Language

 Close your eyes and smile at least once a day.  Anonymous

Several years ago at work I happened to pass someone's cubicle door with the above picture hanging on it.  It was accompanied by this caption: close your eyes and smile at least once a day.  Of course, I complied and immediately felt better.

Have you ever heard the saying that it takes more muscles to frown than smile?  The truth is that no one is quite sure if that statement is completely valid or just an old wives' tale.  However, whether smiling uses more muscles or not, it is fair to say that it certainly takes more effort to frown. 

 

With that being said, I believe the best thing about a smile is it’s the ultimate way of saying more by saying less.  Smiling is interpretative and has the power to communicate without saying a blessed word.

For example, twice I have traveled to China and both times I possessed no ability to speak the language.  However, it was amazing to me that even though I could barely order coffee in Chinese, a smile spoke volumes.  When I did try to speak my pathetic version of Chinese I got a lot of laughs and smiles.  It is possible that as they were smiling they were thinking me an idiot, nonetheless I was communicating.

Another great example of a smile is from the movie, A Christmas Carol.  It is at the end when Scrooge comes to visit his nephew for supper after he had just been visited by the three Christmas Ghosts.  He is in the parlor of his nephew’s home as the maid takes his coat.  Scrooge hesitates for a brief moment to open the parlor door because he knows his cantankerous reputation precedes him.  It is then that the kindly maid persuades him to move forward by smiling and bobbing her head as she opens the door.  Ultimately, once inside Scrooge proceeds to ask forgiveness for his past failings and is accepted with open arms by his nephew and wife.

Then there is the song, Sarah Smile, by Hall and Oates. When I hear this song it takes me back to when I was in elementary school and life was much simpler.  If I remember correctly, I believe my friend’s parents liked Hall and Oates and I heard it a lot when I was over at his apartment.  Every time I hear it just makes me happy. It just makes me smile. 

We live in a time when there is so much to frown about it, that unfortunately we tend to focus on the wrong things. So, whether it takes a poster or a movie or a song, it is a good thing to smile. 

We should all speak the universal language of smiling- early, often and daily.

Swavel

Push Through

 

 

In a perfect world there would be no pain, however we don’t live in a perfect world.

Here are a few simple facts about pain.  It is messy. It hurts.  It is unavoidable. We all struggle with it.  Pain if monitored can be an excellent motivator.

Regardless of age, we all like to complain about aches and pains, usually pertaining to our body.  To name a few examples: pain in the back, pain in the neck, pain in the shoulder, pain in the ankle. Speaking of the latter, who can forget about Curt Schilling and his epic bloody sock?  It was about ten years ago during a pivotal playoff game when the Boston Red Sox hurler pitched  the game on an ankle with torn ligaments and won the game.  His effort helped to propel the Red Sox on to their first World Series Championship in eighty six years.

However how noble it was for Shilling to push through his physical pain to win a baseball game, mental and emotional pain can be far worse.  In his book, The Problem of Pain, C. S. Lewis makes this profound statement.  God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain…

In my own personal experience I have struggled with such pain in extreme fashion.  In one of the toughest moments of my life I had to choose whether to take someone, whom I loved more than myself, off of life support or not.  Talk about a world of emotional pain and unrest.  Such is when you must struggle with a broken heart, yet God can use it if you let Him.

Since pain can motivate or debilitate, what is the alternative to pain? The apostle Paul said, our goal is to please him. As believers we should be striving to do things that please God not pain Him.  Sadly, we often have our own agenda, something I know well since I am a chief offender.   But, I am trying to embrace this thought: God is with me, not against me.  I need to intentionally be a pleasure to God, not someone who causes him to turn away because it hurts too much to watch.

We can choose to push through the pain or to be overwhelmed by it.

Swavel