Charles Ingalls, I Am Not

Throughout my life, I have admired the fictional character, Charles Ingalls, and secretly hoped one day to be as good or better. You know the kind of guy who is the loving husband and father who always seems to give the right kind of advice and always saves the day. A real man. I now know better.

If I am remembered for only one thing, I hope that it is that I tried to be a good father and husband to those I love. Heaven knows I have some issues. If my wife were honest she would tell you I leave the toilet seat up at times, snore too loud and tend to confuse stories. If you asked my kids, they could tell of times I got them lost in the woods and was rescued by an elderly woman or once how I accidently hit one of them in the face with a basketball. So, I don’t know I how I rate as a dad or husband, but I strive to do my best.

One thing I do though is try to appreciate the little things in life. In the middle of the night I often sneak into my kids’ rooms to hear their heartbeat and listen to them breathing. For a father, like me, the sound is priceless. There is no greater relief for me than to hear those two wonderful sounds. A given for many of us, but not all.

And every morning I wake up my wife before I go to work to say goodbye. There is a regimen; I kiss her three times often stealing a fourth, if I can. Then tell her I love her and promise to be careful as I run out the door. Every day is truly a gift.

We take it for granted that our hearts will always beat, our lungs will always fill with air and we will always have family around. However, these are not givens. So when we do remember these blessings, hundreds of times a day we should pause for a moment and thank God for His goodness. Then do the same thing again tomorrow when we are blessed again, because not everyone has a tomorrow.

In my opinion, a real man ends his conversations with an “I love you” or a kiss to his wife, when it’s appropriate. He tells bedtime stories, reads books and plays games with his kids as often as he can. He is thankful for every heartbeat, every breath. He watches over his family the best he can and is willing to lay down his life for theirs, if necessary. A real man is defined by the love he shows, not by whether or not he matches up with Charles Ingalls.

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Right Lane Must Turn Right

The other week I had an epiphany, the kind of moment that makes you stop and think. The kind that won’t leave you alone till you act upon it.

Just the other week I had been struggling with what God wanted me to do. I like writing this blog and writing in general, but I am not consistent. So, as I left work and got into my car that night, I decided to go directly to God because it says in Matthew, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you.” Often when I pray, I simply bring requests, but since reading a new book entitled, “A Praying Life,” by Paul Miller, I felt I was just going to be straight up with my heavenly Father with the utmost respect and find out what He wanted me to do.

So, there I was halfway home in a rural area when I asked God to speak to me. I had no idea how God would speak or if He would honor my request at all. After about five to ten minutes of silence, I spoke out loud what was on my heart: I had an overriding feeling that I should start writing more seriously.

I thought, “Okay, now if this is true I need you to show me something to confirm this because I am just so stinking human.” I wanted to write again in His strength, not mine. Then as I came to a turn in the road, I saw a white sign with black letters that read right lane must turn right. We’ve all seen this traffic sign before, but as I approached it this time it seemed to jump out at me. At first I didn’t think much of it, but after a few minutes of prayer and driving I thought back on my desire to write: Writers must write. Since I consider myself at least a quasi-writer, I must write and while I’m at it I need to do it with boldness, determination, and consistency.

We all are faced with moments where we are forced to put up or shut up. So, that afternoon when I listened to God, I knew what I must do. To me, right lane must turn right meant since I consider myself a writer I must write. And even simpler, I must put myself in the right lane, so I can write.

"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing." ~ Walt Disney

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Adoption Update:
We are still awaiting our approval from the USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services). We hope to receive the approval within the next month.

Queen for a Day

Have you ever felt as worthless as a pawn piece? If you are anything like me, you have. You know the kind of moment that seems so bad that it overrides anything good that has ever happened to you. Well at least for the moment.

The one that most prominently comes to mind happened to me during a very difficult period for my family and I. It was during this period that a friend and I were walking in a hospital parking lot, sharing a candid conversation, when he turned to me and said, “Swavel, we are nothing more than pawns”. It seemed to make perfect sense, because at the time I controlled nothing and felt powerless to have any effect on the outcome at hand. At that particular time, I saw God as the chess master and that He had the power to do whatever He wanted, rightly or indiscriminately, and there was nothing I could do about it. Even though it wasn’t true, from what I could perceive it seemed God did not care. I felt useless.

Now fast forward eleven years to where we are now in our current adoption. On occasion, Amy and I receive e-mails from our adoption agency informing us we have been blessed to receive donations which help defray some of the fees involved in the adoption process. What I felt on those days is pure elation.  I imagine much how winning the Super Bowl may feel. Regardless of the amount, on those days my attitude does a 180, simply because I feel God has heard our prayers and the prayers of many family and friends who are petitioning for us that God work a miracle to bring Lia into our family. On those days, I felt like a pawn that had worked its way across the board and become the most powerful piece on the board, the queen. In layman’s terms queen for a day.

It is especially on those days that I realize how unfair my thinking toward God was. He works both good and bad to his glory. I may be a pawn, but God can turn pawns into queens and do significant things with them. Whether we like it or not, you can’t have the sunshine without the rain.

So it was a couple weeks ago, I had been having a lousy day and both my wife and I were feeling discouraged and frustrated. Then I received an e-mail at work that alerted my wife and I that we had received some donations which we badly needed.  It made me feel so good that I shouted out my car window in joy on the way home. For a moment, I felt useful again.  For a moment, my pawn had become a queen, if only for a day.

“The art of living lies less in eliminating our troubles than in growing with them.”  ~ Bernard M. Baruch

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