Slow Burn

One of my favorite after Christmas activities is to burn the trash. It is a quiet moment I can enjoy as the wrapping paper slowly burns. The burning paper, as it emits differnet colors like a kalediscope, reminds me of how fleeting and temporal things are. Yet at the same time encourages me how I need to stay bright. This process also reminds me of one of my favorite movies, A Christmas Carol.

I made some observations from the 1951 movie, A Christmas Carol, which I believe relate. One of the scenes is when Scrooge is visited by the Ghost of Christmas Present. The scene begins as Scrooge enters a room and the ghost, who appears to be a king on his throne, is seated next to a fireplace surrounded by a feast.

Scrooge responds negatively to the ghost after he has been shown the positive aspects of Christmas, “I am too old, I am beyond hope, go and redeem some younger, more promising creature and leave me to keep Christmas in my own way.”

The Christmas spirit replies, “Mortal, we spirits of Christmas do not live but only one day of the year, we live the whole three hundred and sixty five. So is it true of the child born in Bethlehem, he does not live in men’s hearts only one day a year, but in all the days of the year. But you have chosen not to seek him in your heart. Therefore you shall come with me and seek him in the hearts of men of goodwill.”

Of course at the end of the movie, Scrooge decides to change his life for the better and set fire, so to speak, his old way of doing things. A line that exemplifies this is when Scrooge apologizes to his nephew, Fred, admitting the error of his ways, “Can you forgive a pig headed old fool for having no eyes to see with, no ears to hear with, for all these years?”

But my favorite part is at the very end, when the narrator states….

“Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more; and to Tiny Tim, who did not die, he was a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world. Some people laughed to see the alteration in him, but he let them laugh, and little heeded them; ………….and it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us!”

Just imagine, if we all lived life with such enthusiasm, it would be like a slow burn no one could refute.

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Crooked Logic

Ever find yourself going back in time? It happens to me every year when I get the Christmas decorations out of the shed. The whole experience always makes me get all nostalgic. It seems to me we all have our favorite decorations that make Christmas, well Christmas for us and until we find said items the festivities cannot truly begin.

In our family my youngest daughter has her Hallmark China Christmas ball, my son has various Chicago Bears ornaments, and I have a homemade snowman from a childhood friend. But, my wife has a special candy cane we always must locate before anything can really begin. Allow me to explain.

Several years ago, I came home one December day to find my six-year-old, eldest daughter had been out Christmas shopping and had selected a unique gift for her mom. Alisha was so proud of the lawn ornament sized candy cane she had purchased that despite the persistence of her brother and I refused to exchange it for a more suitable gift.

When Christmas arrived my wife opened her gift from our daughter as I snickered and smugly opened a can of chips Alisha had given to me. At the time, I appeared to have the more appropriate gift. As it turned out six months later, our daughter, Alisha, at the age of seven would change her address to Heaven.

Each year I am reminded as I look at the candy cane, that hangs in our house in a place of prominence, that the most unlikely gifts truly hold the most eternal significance. God, like the shepherd's cane, seems to use crooked logic to remind us what is most important during the Christmas season, His son, Jesus. It truly is the best gift that we could ever give or receive; yet so often to our discredit we would rather receive a can of chips.

“Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift.” 2 Corinthians 9:15


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It Still Rings True

When it comes to being thankful, I need look no farther than my left hand when I catch a familiar glimpse of my wedding ring. I have worn a gold band proudly for twenty-one years and can never recall a day I have not worn it. To me, it is a reminder of a commitment to my wife that I will remain true.

Several years ago a car commercial by Hyundai was asking, why commitment doesn’t play a larger role in our lives? They flashed a picture of a bride onto the screen and said, “If you don’t like your spouse, get a new one.” Quite frankly, I don’t know why our culture places such a low priority on commitment. Perhaps it stems from the fact that we tend to be a microwave society and want everything immediately.

Here is my synopsis on marriage. The stats, from what I can gather, tell me one in two marriages will end in divorce. That is a flip of the coin. Marriage is a risk, like playing the stock market. So in my case, I am going to fully invest in my marriage. My wife and I have buried a child together and buried the hatchet on several other occasions. We have survived the worst and have grown through it.

One of the best moments of my life, was when my wife came down the aisle. Over time I have realized every day I am given a gift from God to love my wife a new, just like He loves me. How can I show her mercy, grace, love and listen to what she is really trying to tell me. Huge task I know, but that is what I agreed to when I put on my gold ring and that is why it takes a lifetime to complete.

During this Thanksgiving season, I will give thanks for the one woman who slipped a special ring on my finger, some twenty years ago. It will take death to remove it and in my case, weight loss.

“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” ~ Leo Tolstoy

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Whitens Teeth

Have you ever read something that made you say “duh”? The other evening I was at the kitchen table when I read this, “God is complex” to which I replied, “really”? Then later that evening I made another stunning discovery when I found myself reading a tube of toothpaste. Allow me to explain….

This is what I read: Whitens teeth; releases pure oxygen bubbles for a clean fresh sensation; and deep cleaning action removes plaque. Then I read the dentist’s advice which was to brush twice a day, floss daily, and visit your dentist regularly. All this made absolute sense.

Then I read some more stuff that made absolutely no or little sense. I read the ingredients: sodium monofluorophosphate, hydrated silica, sodium bicarbonate, titanium dioxide, calcium peroxide, pentasodium triphosphate, tetrasodium pyrophosphate, carrageenan, cellose gum, FD&C blue no. 1, D&C yellow no. 10. This was far too complicated leaving me in a state of “huh”.

My bottom line is this, I understand the directions because they were simple and full of common sense, yet the ingredients were highly confusing. After a visit online I received a better comprehension, but it was still beyond me. So, despite the fact I have no idea what half the ingredients are I faithfully use the toothpaste. Why? I trust the results and the maker to do what it claims because the toothpaste makes my breath fresh, whitens my teeth and fights cavities. Good enough for me.

So, even if I can’t fully understand God with my finite mind I trust Him because I see his handiwork all around me such as the sunrise, the stars in the sky, the change in the seasons and how His mercies seem new to me every morning. Call me simple but if I can trust toothpaste to whiten my teeth I can trust God to do whatever He wants in my life.

“If we could always predict what God would do, then God isn't God. But since we can't put Him in a box and He works in such wondrous ways, He's proved Himself to be God.” Author Unknown

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What Color is God?

The answer to what color God is lies in the title of my favorite book, “The Color of Water.” It is one of the most interesting titles I have ever heard. Why, I’ll tell you.

The title of this book was derived from a conversation the author, James McBride, had with his mother when he asked her what color God was and she responded, “the color of water.” The subtitle and premise of the book is this: A black man’s tribute to his white mother. The book is a unique blend of his mother’s life one chapter and then his the next. This book is a testament to how life can seem so messy at times, but as we progress we see the work of art our life becomes.

McBride wrote this book to honor his mother, even though while he was growing up he didn’t understand her and a lot of the things she did. She was a Jewish woman born in 1921 who was considered dead by her family when she married an African American man. The author was raised in Brooklyn’s Red Hook projects with an eccentric mother who was widowed twice and was the mother of twelve children. Her two driving forces were God and that her children get an education, primarily college.

There are few books I actually read all the way through, yet it was a welcome elixir for my soul at a time after I had suffered great loss. This book brought me back to reality and also helped me escape my hardships at the same time.

Although I enjoyed reading this book, I probably would never have picked it up had I not met James during a service call, while I was an exterminator several years ago. He was a unique and engaging man in his forties with a quick wit, someone you would want to hang out with. After we talked for a while he gave me a signed copy addressed to all the members of my family. Usually an author’s signature is not something I value, but genuine thoughts like his are. It was his personal touch that helped me embrace this book.

So that is why "The Color of Water" is my favorite book. Not because James McBride is a renowned jazz musician or a onetime writer for the Washington Post, but because he became real to me and I wanted to know more from someone whose perspective fascinated me. It was as if he were speaking the words to me and only me. His book encouraged me to keep on trying despite how hard life can be at times and never be afraid to ask questions, even if the answers are illusive.

“The worth of a book is to be measured by what you can carry away from it.” James Bryce

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I Shall Not Want

Who has not gone to a funeral and flipped the bulletin over to read the most famous passage on comfort of all time, Psalm 23. You need read no further than the first line, “The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want…..” For some reason, it has become a theme in my life that I have begun to embrace. Here is why.

When I look at this passage, I am reminded how much I am like the stinky sheep the shepherd in this verse is tending. I do not have it together, not even by a long shot.

Here are the two things I want to say about sheep:

The bad news first, sheep stink and they tend to do their own thing. They are irrational and blind to the needs of others. Sound familiar. Hey, that is what I do a lot. I sure don’t like being called out, but it certainly is the truth. Often because of their foolishness, the shepherd must waste his time rescuing them from barb wire fences, mud, or from walking around in circle. Sheep are easily led astray and often are lured to their death by their enemies.

Now here is the good news, when they listen to the shepherd they tend to ‘go all out’ because when they believe something they are all in. I think that is the, "I shall not want" part. When I do what I want, the end result is often difficulty, but when I do what the shepherd wants life becomes good.

So where am I going with all this sheep stuff, actually it’s pretty simple. Whether we like it or not, or at least for me, I know I am a mess on my own, but when I follow the Good Shepherd, Jesus, everything turns out alright. For me it is not a case of what I know, but who I know. I think all sheep like me should adopt Lord Alfred Tennyson famous quote, “Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die”.

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Spare Change

There is a very special pink purse that hangs on my bedpost. It contains only four dollars and some spare change, but to me that little pink purse is priceless because it belonged to my first daughter. The money has been in this purse since she changed her address to Heaven.

Ten years ago, Alisha had just received money for her seventh birthday and she decided to buy some snacks for her friends she would see that evening. So, off she and I went to the local store. Her smile let me know she was pleased with her selection of chips and crackers, so she began her march toward the register. I can still see her with that pink purse belt strapped around her waist, as she skipped and danced her way to the checkout counter. She was so proud to hand the cashier her money and then she carefully put the dollars and odd cents into her purse. And so it remains there ever since.

Spare change has always been an issue with me and I have always liked to have some jingling in my pocket. My wife would prefer to save it and I believe she is right, but it goes against me. I know if I were to put it aside, after a while it would add up, but I struggle to do so. Why? It’s not a good reason; it’s simply the truth because old habits are hard to break.

Recently I have been thinking about my spare change issue and realized that my spare change isn’t life-changing to me, but when added to others or given to someone with far less it becomes significant. It doesn’t matter where you give your spare change to the Ronald McDonald House, the people who ring the bell for the Salvation Army, or other great charities, it is just important to give.

My daughter, Sianna, who is 8, sweetly told me the other night when we were in the car that she just loved the thought of going home. In her sweet voice she almost whispered, “I can’t wait to get home, I just love it there.” My thoughts went to the children who don’t have a home or a family to call their own and I realized that I need to form a new habit and put my spare change aside.

“Some people give time, some money, some their skills and connections, some literally give their life's blood. But everyone has something to give.” ~ Barbara Bush

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Necessary Action

Good things are happening all around us. I believe, we are more naturally inclined to see the negative rather the positive that takes place. Instead of noticing the naughty child in the store, the rude passenger on an airplane, or the man who makes a scene because his lunch order wasn’t exactly how he ordered it, maybe we should be looking for those who are doing the right thing.

Have you ever just been minding your own business and you noticed someone performing above and beyond the call of duty? I have.

This past weekend after a busy day, my family and I stopped to get something to eat at a fast food restaurant. After we sat down, we heard a loud crash and my wife noticed an elderly man spill his tray of food. It took only a moment before a young worker came to help the man, quickly taking care of the spill and seeing to it that he received a fresh tray of food all while treating him with respect. Soon afterward, the worker was quickly back at his job moving from one task to the next. He went from wiping the tables, to sweeping the floors, then to taking out the trash and it was all done with focus and discipline. Moved by his great work ethic, I approached him and told him I appreciated his hard work and noticed what he had done for the gentleman. I got a “Thank you, sir. I really appreciate that.” As I got in my car, I stole a glance inside to see the young man still working, as he waved goodbye to me. He was the type of worker we would all want to employ if we owned a business.

Years ago, my wife and I encountered another kind of worker who saw beyond his “work”. On a Saturday afternoon we were at a bowling alley with our son and began talking to one of the supervisors. We began sharing some of our life stories together and were simply enjoying his company. As we were leaving, he pulled out his wallet and gave us some money. Stunned, we tried to refuse, but he insisted saying it was his “offering,” his way of helping others. He took what he believed was a necessary action. We have never forgotten him or his kindness.

It’s easy to complain, but how often do we take a moment to recognize the good or take action and help make someone else’s load a little lighter.

“Don’t be yourself, be someone a little nicer.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin

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The Reset Factor

In the early eighties, when the Atari game system was all the rage, a high school friend and I would do battle in the tank game. All would be fine unless I got too far ahead, then suddenly the screen would go blank. My friend had hit the reset button. In recent years, another friend suggested I hit the reset button whenever my day would become too overwhelming. When you choose to reset you give yourself a clean slate and an opportunity to succeed.

Tolstoy once wisely said, “Everyone wants to change the world, but no one wants to change himself.” When you choose to keep your attitude the same, your actions will remain the same. The secret is to take the negative and turn it into a positive. Here are some examples from my own life.

It was sometime in 2005, when as an exterminator my wife called me to alert me of an unexpected large dental bill for my youngest daughter. I was frustrated, so I pulled into a convenience store to grab a cup of coffee and regroup. Then, I saw her. There she was a little girl, around the age of ten in a wheelchair. She was sitting at the bus stop smiling while she waited to be picked up. Immediately my anger was replaced with shame when I realized how foolish I had been. If this young girl could accept the circumstances in her life then I just needed to take a deep breath, reset my attitude and move on.

When I was young, around five or so, I had an annoying habit of speaking too quickly which caused my words to be slurred. For years, people believed my name was Andrew not Aaron Drew because of my sloppy speech habits as I threw the two names together. Then in second grade, I had to go to speech therapy classes with a wonderfully kind elderly gentleman named, Mr. Marconi. He taught me to slow down, take a deep breath and then pronounce my words clearly. It was an amazing transformation because I choose to reset and change my bad habits.

Choices; we make them every day and they shape us. Regardless of our situation or circumstances we make decisions. How you survive is based on you. Over 200 years ago, Samuel Johnson said, “Things don’t go wrong so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.”

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Sweet Inspiration

Junior High school was a cruel time for me. I did not fit in and often I felt lost in my own skin. But in the fall, at least on some Friday nights, I could find solace for one brief moment. After the high school football game, I would tuck my foam seat cushion under my armpit and run the two blocks home pretending to be Walter Payton. Inspired by the man they called Sweetness, for a brief moment, I felt like someone special as I crossed into my front yard scoring an imaginary touchdown.

I so admired Walter Payton and wanted to be like him. In his time, Payton who played running back for the Chicago Bears from 1975 to 1987 won a Super Bowl, went to nine pro bowls, once held the NFL all time rushing record and at the end of his career was voted into the Hall of Fame. However, the story I find most inspiring was the one about his lost Super Bowl ring.

In 1996 when Walter was coaching a high school basketball team, he was talking to them about the importance of faith and trust. So, as symbol of trust, he handed the ring to one of the players and told him to hold it for a few days. Reportedly, the players were in the young man’s basement passing the ring around and inadvertently it was lost. Payton eventually purchased a duplicate ring but then passed away in November 1999 from a rare liver disease.

Then in 2001, Phil Hong, a student at Purdue University, was looking for one of his dog’s toys in a couch and happened upon a discovery of a lifetime: Payton’s Super Bowl ring. The couch was from the basement where the ring was last seen. So, he did the right thing by contacting Walter’s family and personally taking it back to them.

Funny thing how a man named Sweetness inspired me to escape reality by pretending to be like him, while Phil Hong was inspired to embrace reality and do the right thing by doing something Payton himself would have done. Inspired by someone great we should always aspire to do something great.

“If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.” — Isaac Newton

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I'm Done

Recently I sat down with the author of this blog and asked some hard questions.

What qualifies you to write this blog?
I am someone who learns from my mistakes and therefore can offer expert advice on how to stumble through life and try to get it right in the process. I try to share some of the hope, encouragement, and wisdom I have learned as I've experienced life's ups and downs.

Have you ever tried to get a book published?
Yes and I failed miserably. However, I did learn a valuable lesson. In 2007 when I sent out queries, I received over thirty rejection notices before I gave up counting. Sometime after that I just started to write for myself, while occasionally allowing friends and family to see my ponderings. My writing did need work and I have learned much from failure. I agree with Samuel Beckett when he said, “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”

Have you ever had anything published on any level?
Yes. I have been published three times in the Upper Room devotional, briefly wrote for a local newspaper and contributed to the book SIMPLE LITTLE WORDS. My family's story was included in David Jeremiah’s book, BEND IN THE ROAD.

What do you love/hate most about writing?
Editing. It is a necessary evil that I have grown to appreciate over time. My wife edits my blogs and does an excellent job of cleaning up my writing and making it easier for you to understand. For me, it is easier just to write what I am thinking, but I now realize writing is about connecting with others and not just doing what feels good.

Can you offer any advice on how to figure life out?
No, I’m done attempting to chase the wind. Nevertheless, I do attempt to offer honest advice that I’ve learned from some of the darkest days a man can face. Hopefully my pain can be your gain.

What was the first car you bought?
A light blue 1975 Dodge Dart. Ugly as sin, fairly dependable, lasted forever. It helped me discover my wife was the one for me, because she definitely was not dating me for my car. The only people who liked it were the neighbor boys who were about five at the time.

What is your favorite role in life?
That’s easy, husband and father. Although you will have to ask my family how I am doing, I so enjoy having a daily opportunity to be close to the people I love. It is the most important job I will ever have and is something I don’t take for granted.

On a personal note have you ever done anything society would consider crazy?
OK, here it is, I am going to lay it all out. God is asking my wife and me to do something crazy. God is asking us to adopt again and I am all in. I believe if God calls you to do something outside your comfort zone He will provide the resources, it is just our job to follow. At this point, we are just being obedient and where it ends up is yet to be seen. When it comes to adoption, I believe, if you have love you better give it. There’s no need to save it, you won’t run out.

Have you ever not given your all?
Yes. I’m not proud of it, but I have been guilty in the past. To be entirely honest, I thought I would have quit this blog by now, because when things get tough sometimes I give up. Now, I seek to work through the hard and not be controlled by what I feel.

Define yourself in two words?
Inconsistent persistence.

Do you have anything more to add?
No, I’m done.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Always Be Prepared

Although “always be prepared,” may be a great motto for some, I however have found it to be more of a mixed bag.

In being prepared, I think one should always have a pen handy, but this has also proved to be a flawed theory. It was 11:00 pm and the next day we were slated to drive to Texas to drop our son off at college. Before going to bed, we just had few loose ends to tie up. As I opened the dryer, I found my mistake, I had left a pen in my shorts and blue ink stains were everywhere. When I told my family of my gaffe, they were quite irritated with me seeing it was our travel clothes for the next day. I have previously left tissues in my pocket, but this was far more frustrating and costly. The end result, we had to buy some new clothes, wear some with stains on them, but in time I was forgiven and now I try to be better prepared by checking all my pockets twice before I wash anything.

There was another time when I was changing the oil in my car and learned a valuable lesson. The oil change was going smoothly and I was almost done, pouring the oil back into the engine. I just needed to check and see if more was needed and then I was finished. To my horror, when I pulled the dipstick it was dry. In my haste, I had forgotten to screw the plug back into the oil pan and as I peered under the car there was an enormous puddle of oil on the asphalt. Fortunately, nothing some rags, papers towels, and a lot of oil dry couldn’t fix. So now when I change my oil I always double check to see if the plug is in and I always have oil dry on hand.

In life, whether we are prepared or not bad stuff happens. I have found it is always best to shake it off and keep washing till the blue ink stains fade or keep putting oil dry on the spill till it is soaked up. Regardless of your dilemma, always remember to be prepared to learn from your mistakes.

“All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from their mistakes.” ~Winston Churchill

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Something Divine

“To err is human, to forgive is divine.” Some things are very difficult to forgive and in some people’s opinions almost unforgivable. For a long time, I struggled to forgive the person who caused the accident that forever changed our lives. So in attempt to put the issue to rest I wrote the person an open ended letter, to a fellow human being I would like to offer some hope.

After many failed attempts to find the right words, below is the final draft:

To whom it may concern,

For the most part I forgave you a long time ago, but there were times when I would become angry when I passed the scene of the accident. For many years I could forgive the actual act, but had a hard time understanding how someone could not stop. I don’t mean to be blunt, just honest.

A few years ago, while driving with my brother-in-law, Ed, we drove through that intersection. When I became irritated Ed addressed the situation. He asked me why I was so upset since I didn’t know why the person kept going. There could be many reasons why the driver didn’t stop. Maybe they had trouble with the law or were under the influence or they were simply too scared to stop. All plausible answers might I add.

To my shame, I had thought you a coward and for that I apologize. Who am to judge? From that moment on I have sought to give you the benefit of the doubt. I choose to look for the good. It’s easy to say what I would have done had the shoe been on the other foot, but if I’m totally honest, I simply don’t know.

Yes, my future was dramatically changed from how I envisioned it, but I have chosen to accept the change and become better because of it. My hope is that you have been able to do the same. Someday I hope to meet you and be able to put a face to the person I have prayed for, for so long.

Sincerely with deepest hopes you can accept my forgiveness,

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“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.” ~ Groucho Marx

I Know

This is an article I wrote in 2008 while attempting to win a boat cruise for my wife.

“I KNOW” ever since our first date on July 1st, 1985, I haven’t wanted to be without my wife, Amy. She is the only girl I ever dated and someone who saw something special in me, when I couldn’t.

“I KNOW” one of the best moments in my life was watching Amy come down the aisle twenty years ago on March 24th, 1989. If I had not married her, I am certain the girl I did marry would have lived in her shadow.

“I KNOW” I have never been more proud then when my wife made me a father twice. Fatherhood has a certain way of validating a man.

“I KNOW” there is nothing worse than losing a child, as my wife and I can attest. On May 4th, 2000, my seven-year-old daughter went to be with Jesus five days after being in a car accident.

“I KNOW” it could have been much worse because my wife and then nine-year-old son were also in the accident and both survived. It is true God never gives us more than He can handle.

“I KNOW” at one time the number of couples who get divorced after they lose a child was said to be as high as 80%. My wife and I are more concerned with staying true to our vows, so we will not add to this statistic.

“I KNOW” we adopted our now six-year-old daughter because we had more love to give. Adoption, in my opinion, is the perfect picture of how God loved us so much He made us it possible for us to be adopted as His kids.

“I KNOW” I was reminded of how precious life can be when Amy’s appendix ruptured last year. Every morning when I say goodbye, before I leave for work, I am reminded of how blessed I am to have her for another day.

“I KNOW” from personal experience how a song can so deeply help to heal your broken heart. Mercy Me’s song, “I Can Only Imagine” comforts us with the knowledge one day we will join our daughter in Heaven.

“I KNOW” I am a better person for having married Amy because she is someone who everyday challenges me to be a better person.

“The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes.” Amy Grant

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Heaven Applauds

If there were Olympic medals for listening, I wouldn’t even make the team never mind the podium. As far back as I can remember, my teachers would often comment on my tendency to daydream. There are moments, though, when my interest is captured by a specific event. I realize it may sound bizarre, but birds’ singing, especially in the morning, is one such event. Once you hear my rationale, you may better understand.

It was around 6 AM, on May 4th, 2000. The worst had happened, Alisha had just passed away and yet miraculously my wife and I were still breathing. We drove from the hospital to the Ronald McDonald House and pulled into the driveway completely shattered. All our hopes and dreams for Alisha’s life vanished in an instant. Her smile, her hugs and kisses, her giggle, her amazing personality would be forever locked in a picture frame or relegated to a video. Our interaction would be permanently severed.

As I turned off the car, it felt like I was turning off Alisha’s life. We felt helplessly out of control, then ‘it’ happened. The sound was amazing. Much to our surprise we witnessed a vast chorus of birds sharing a magnificent melody as they soared through the sun-kissed sky. God had sent us an extraordinary message to show us we were not alone. In that one brief moment, the Creator of the Universe comforted us as Heaven applauded.

It was around 6 AM, on March 21st, 2009, my wife called to tell me my brother-in-law had passed away at the age of thirty-eight. I refused to get out of bed, perhaps thinking I wouldn’t have to face it, but long before I made it to my big bay window there was that long familiar song. It was the enthusiastic sound of birds singing their unforgettable chorus. I had no words, just tears of pain for those of us left behind yet tears of joy for my brother-in-law because he was free and Heaven was applauding.

I now seem to hear the birds more clearly, because there was a time when I simply wasn’t listening. Perhaps while you’re going about your morning routine, you can spare a moment to listen for the birds. You may be surprised at the beauty they offer.

“Every time the birds sing Heaven’s melody is revealed to mankind.”

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Rare Breed

It has been said eyes are the window to the soul, well then, an office cubicle must be a close second. As an exterminator, I could tell in ten seconds or less who or what the owner cherished. Most people hang photographs of their family, pictures drawn from their kids, quotes, cartoons, box scores, menus, you name it. My belief is you could tell more about a person from a brief encounter with their cubicle, then a week’s worth of small talk.

Take my cubicle for instance. At first glance you see the prerequisite family pictures, coffee mugs here and there, piles of paper strewn around, and a wall I refer to as the REMEMBER ME wall. On this wall are four very important people who have passed away, and seeing their faces reminds me of the more important things in life.

One of those four people is, Al Detweiler. On my wall hangs a picture of Al, in his mid-thirties, looking rather debonair, as he stands behind a lectern. He was the kind of man if you get to meet once in your life you are lucky. He had a booming voice and brilliant white hair even chemo could not take from him. Al never seemed to have anything but kind words to say even when he was in pain. On December 3rd, 2005, at the age of 76, Al departed from our midst after a long battle with cancer.

Al was married for fifty-six years to his wife Kass and they were blessed with twelve children, three born to them, nine adopted. He was many things in his lifetime such as pastor, camp director, bus driver and self proclaimed servant of others. In the 1970’s, he was granted the prestigious honor of being named Boyertown Man of the Year.

On a personal note, Al believed in me even when I had nearly given up on myself, he looked at me as someone with a job to do. Maybe he only voiced it a few times, but there was just a sense about him that no one was a lost cause.

It has been said that some people are a blessing when they come to visit and others are a blessing when they leave. Al Detweiler was a rare case of someone who was a blessing when he came to see you and is still a blessing long after he departed.

This phrase, from a poem he had taped to the front of his Bible, sums him up best: “I do not ask that men may sound my praises or headlines spread my name abroad; I only pray that as I voice the message, hearts may find God.”

“The rarest and greatest breed of men is not those who leave us in awe, but rather those who leave us wanting more; more of their time, more of their love, more of their wisdom, more of them.”

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Medium Soda Please

Charlie Brown may be synonymous with losing baseball games, but at least his plight was fictitious, mine was real. My illustrious little league baseball career began with a two year winless streak.

All I wanted was to experience the sweet taste of victory. It had grown old being known as the guy who couldn’t win a game. To make matters worse, there was a local burger place that would give out free sodas to the players after every game; a medium for the winners and a small for the losers. Needless to say, I was tired of asking for a small. Even the guy behind the counter knew it was a small soda when he saw the maroon baseball shirt coming through the door.

Thank goodness the streak ended in my third year when I finally received my first medium soda. It was July something 1978. I still remember there was one out in the final inning and I had been put in right field mid-way through the game because of my marginal skills.

We were up by a run or two when the batter lofted a ball in my general direction. I remember saying to myself, “Oh please, just let me catch it.” Then the unbelievable happened, the ball landed in my glove. I heard the fans yelling at me to throw the ball to first base to double off the runner. Another miracle occurred; I beat the startled runner back to the bag.

A feeling of elation overcame me as I ran toward the infield like I had just won the World Series. For one night I was a winner. For one night something had finally gone my way. For one night I could walk up to the counter with my head held high and say, “medium soda please.”

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” ~ Dale Carnegie

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Ice In My Cup

You always remember the first time you bring your child home. Whether it be from the hospital or in my case from China. Birthdays remind me of great moments like these. Since, it is my second daughter’s eighth birthday today, the girl who loves me more than Narnia, I am dedicating this article to her.

The first time I met Sianna I was happy. I was glad God gave me my girl.

These are the words my daughter wanted me to start with when I wrote a story about her a few year ago. Her biggest concern seemed to be what I was thinking when I first met her. I just wanted to put her fears to rest and let her know I loved her and was happy she was my daughter long before I met her. The following is from that story.

On February 26th, 2003, the first day I saw my daughter, she was born in my heart. The first day I held her was June 2, 2003. At that moment, nothing else mattered; not the time we missed, not the miles traveled, or the time we had to wait. It all faded away. From the moment I embraced her in my arms, my heart was smiling.

As we headed home from our journey, all the problems of life felt far away. As I peered out the window with my wife and new daughter beside me, I took in the view. I was caught up in the breath-taking scenery as the clouds danced and raced against each other. All the while, I was enjoying the thought of bringing my daughter home to meet her brother.

Then the stewardess passed me a cup of soda with ice in it. Sitting there with the beverage in my hand only enhanced this serene moment. When I had finished my drink, the ice sitting in the bottom of the cup brought a smile to my soul. Normally leftover ice doesn't seem signficant, but as I looked at it on that particular day it signified something more. It reminded me of how God does not owe us the opportunity to have children, just like ice, they are a bonus. But children, like ice, certainly make life more enjoyable.

“The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning." Sianna’s favorite quote from Narnia

"Everyone's got to be for a child to have a home and love. I mean I don't know anyone who would be against that." ~Dave Thomas

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A Run In With Compassion

Never in my life, can I recall having such a pleasant unpleasant experience as I did a few summers ago while I was an exterminator.

It was around 9 a.m. while driving the bug truck on a rainy, summer day. I was late for a job and to make up some time I cut through a parking lot. As I came around the bend in the road, directly in front of me was an SUV. Unfortunately when I attempted to brake, I hydroplaned and tagged the SUV’s driver’s side rear door.

We both pulled into a side lot to survey the damage. I took a deep breath waiting for the inevitable, an encounter with the irate driver. To my surprise, he was polite and cordial. There was no finger-pointing, screaming, or swearing. At first we were both a bit tentative, but when I simply admitted it was my fault, the tension eased. We then took care of the red tape, shook hands, and went our separate ways.

People tend to show their true nature when things go wrong and they become inconvenienced. The driver of the SUV had every reason to be frustrated and angry, but if he was, it didn’t show. He demonstrated kindness and compassion. I only hope that I would display the same gracious character if the roles were reversed.

“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you; they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” ~ Bernice Johnson Reagon

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The Color of Her Crayons

As children we are often told to color inside the lines, even though some of the world's most famous artists didn't seem to follow that concept when making their masterpieces. Actually, I believe the color you choose to draw or paint with is even more important, especially when it comes to life.

Several months ago, my wife and I were out in our storage shed searching for a winter coat for our youngest daughter. As I was checking through the pockets of the coat we had found, I discovered six Crayola crayons. This may seem like an insignficant find to most, but to me, it was gold. These crayons were last used by my oldest daughter before she passed away (at 7 years old). The colors I found were: yellow, carnation, brick red, apricot, magenta, and orange.

The crayons now sit prominently on my work desk and as I gaze at each one, there is a specific thought or word that comes to my mind. Yellow means bright. Carnation reminds me of the flower. Brick red means hard work. Apricot reminds me of fruit. Magenta reminds me of the dog on Blue’s Clues, and orange, being my favorite color, means fire or passion. If I had to draw with those six colors, from a seven year old’s perspective, it would look like this: orange man, with a magenta dog, picking an apricot off a tree, with a brick red house in the background, carnation flowers next to the house, and lastly, a bright yellow sun in the sky.

I believe the colors we choose to use in our everyday life are important. Are we using angry words like, black, or sad colors like, blue, if we are discouraged? After I lost my daughter, these are the colors I chose to draw with. Orange was and is my favorite color, but for years I put it away or maybe I just refused to use it. It just didn’t seem appropriate, but now I've realized that all six colors my daughter had been using are bright colors. These colors show up best when used on a dark background. God has taught me yet again how children, even unknown to them, can teach us powerful lessons. The darkness and depression I was in for so many years, has set the background that now can be used to draw brilliant pictures I never imagined possible.

Perhaps when choosing a color to draw with for the day, we should choose a bright one.

“The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.” ~ Marcus Aurelius

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Courage Defined

Courage can best be summed up in six words: Make a statement, take a stand. To find courage I believe it is important to imitate it and who better to replicate than former British Prime Minister, Sir Winston Churchill.

He was born in 1874 and died in 1965 leaving behind him a legacy of famous quotes that few have equaled. From his trademark hat, bow-tie, and ever-present cigar there was just something about Churchill you had to respect. No one could deliver a speech like Churchill.

Though up until World War II, public opinion had labeled him as one who lacked judgment, stability, and many found him to be untrustworthy. All that would change when Adolf Hitler and the German Nazis came knocking on Great Britain’s doorstep. History has recorded that Churchill and Great Britain not only survived but flourished, in large thanks to his ability to rally the troops and nation.

In my personal opinion, here are the words that best sum him up taken from a speech he made in 1941:

“Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.”

We all experience discouragement from time to time. For me personally, I had a long period of depression to the point of despair, where life had gotten the best of me and it appeared I had quit trying. But, when I finally took my eyes off the ground and started to look up I realized I was focusing too much on the pain. In an effort to regain my courage, I gave up feeling sorry for myself and stopped thinking about myself. Courage demands we think about others first, put on a brave face and make a stand regardless of how we bad we feel or how bad the situation looks. So now I have adopted a new philosophy: Pain, like evil, must never triumph.

“It’s not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what’s required.” ~Winston Churchill

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Feathering the Chicken Coop

You are only thirteen once, thankfully. It was a year I didn’t feel like I fit in anywhere, except, for one week at summer camp. For me they were memories I will never forget, it was the year I feathered the chicken coop.

My friends and I were trying to make the most of being at a camp where the cabins were outdated and you literally had to walk a mile for each meal. So, we did what any group of teenage boys would do, we began a feud with the cabin next door, 'the chicken coop'. It made for a week of relentless bantering between our cabins. Then my one friend decided to take it a step farther and devised a brilliant plot to 'feather' the chicken coop. We waited till no one was there and then went crazy hurling feathers from his down pillow. My friend and I thought we were so cool 'feathering' the ‘coop’ until, we were busted by their counselor. Fortunately, he went easy on us and only made us sweep the feathers under their bunks. We later learned the guys were furious, but never figured out who 'feathered' them. It became camp legend.

There were many things I learned during that week besides how to 'feather' a chicken coop. I met a guy named, Leon, who taught me a lifetime lesson. Leon was from the city and had a confidence I envied. He was out of his element with a bunch of crazy kids from the suburbs, yet he joined right in. He wasn't intimidated and I admired that. He was a great example of how different can be good especially when it comes to friends.

Then there was the night a bunch of us guys, with the promise of all you could eat pizza, took off for the cafeteria in the pouring rain. On our way there we had a blast jumping in mud puddles and getting drenched without a care in the world. We arrived totally soaked, but happy as clams until we realized there was not a slice of pizza to be found. We had been lied to. The only thing in this cafeteria was a bunch of hungry, miserable teenage boys. Sometimes life can be like that, you get your hopes up only to be dashed. Perhaps the best part of the experience is the journey.

Being thirteen can be like a maze of mirrors at a carnival. It can be so confusing, yet one right turn makes all the difference. In my mind, my summer camp experience made the whole year tolerable. Thirteen will always be the year I 'feathered' the chicken coop.

“Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.” ~ Gilda Radner

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Get Back Up

Have you ever had your bell rung? It can be a mind clearing experience. Have you ever rung someone else's? It can be scary. I've experienced both and found out you can learn from these unfortunate situations, if you decide to get back up.

One night as a teenager, I decided to tuck a pillow under my arm and tried to score an imaginary touchdown in my bedroom. For some reason, I decided to leap while attempting to score. The result was my head slamming on the doorframe and my feet sailing through the air. There was a horrific thud as my body slammed to the floor. I laid in silence, but it was only for a brief moment as I heard my dad’s footsteps coming up the stairs. Suddenly, I was miracously healed. Fear of my father motivated me to get back up.

When I was in my twenties, I was warming up to pitch in a softball game when a throw got away from me. The ball had sailed over a snack stand and directly behind it were bleachers full of spectators. Quickly, I ran to retrieve the ball. To my horror, I found my coach’s mother-in-law laying in her daughter's arms. At first glance I thought I had killed her, thankfully she was fine after the headache wore off. The realization I needed to improve (and of course, practice in the opposite direction of the fans) motivated me to get back up and eventually pitch again.

One very early morning a few years ago, as I attempted to get up for work, I lost my balance and banged my forehead squarely onto a desk. I felt like Goliath lying on the floor as I waited for the room to stop spinning. The commotion apparently woke my wife and she asked, "What are you doing?" Not having a good reply I got up, dusted myself off and left for work. Embarrassment motivated me to get back up again.

We all suffer setbacks from time to time and some more serious than others. Perhaps the best advice is to follow this Chinese proverb, “Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get up.”

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Wild Geese

Have you ever found yourself complaining about someone else and wondered, “What in the world are they thinking?” With that thought in mind, have you ever wished more people thought like you? Careful for what you wish for.

Several winters ago, I was staying at a prestigious hotel in Colorado when I learned a valuable lesson. As I was walking the grounds, I was captivated by the beauty that surrounded me. Above me were brilliant greens, blues, beiges, and dabs of white majestically blended against the jagged mountain peaks. Off in the distance, was an old style church with its steeple reaching skyward like a schoolboy posing a question. While directly below me, was a partially frozen pond adding to the tranquil setting. To enhance the moment, I could hear a locomotive’s whistle in the distance. It was spectacular, as if God had painted this landscape just for me.

Then suddenly out of nowhere I caught a glimpse of wild geese as they landed on the icy pond. They honked and swam irreverently as they ruined my picturesque setting. The geese seemed so out of place. It was like someone had just spilled a bucket of red paint on a masterpiece. I left feeling a bit agitated.

In hindsight, the geese helped me to realize that I can be seen as annoying as these birds who ruined my perfect landscape. Furthermore, I am grateful God chose to paint me onto his canvas despite my shortcomings. Perhaps because of this lesson I will be more gracious to others despite theirs.

"Be grateful; the other choices are not nearly as pleasant."

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Seven Again

This past weekend I was at a birthday party for one of my daughter’s friends and it got me to thinking. What was the best birthday gift you ever received? For me, that’s an easy one.

It was the summer before I turned seven when my grandfather took me into his attic. As we climbed the stairs, the room came alive to me. My eyes lit up as I scanned the room, there were treasures to be found everywhere. Then off in one corner I saw a bunch of old dusty deer antlers hanging from the rafters. My grandfather proudly explained how he had acquired the antlers. I listened intently to his every word as he told me his stories. It was a moment I won’t forget.

Before I knew it, summer was gone and fall arrived bringing my birthday with it. Though it’s been years, I can still remember the smile on my grandfather’s face when I opened his gift. There inside the box were those dusty antlers, now beautifully mounted and shined on a wooden plaque. Better than the gift was how special it made me feel. My grandfather had given me more than a birthday gift; he had given me something of his, something he prized, and with it a little bit of himself.

To say I loved the man would be an understatement. I admired him for many reasons, but most of all because of how I felt when I was with him. He always seemed to find time for me and always believed in me. It is a privilege to have his blood flow through my veins.

Every now and then when I am in my daughter’s room, off in the corner I can see those dusty antlers on a shelf. And perhaps, for just a moment, I am seven again.

“Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children.” ~Alex Haley

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Mad as a Hornet

There are just some things in life that are blatantly obvious, such as never skydive without a parachute, never spit in the wind, and never disturb a nest of angry hornets. If you choose to disregard the last friendly word of advice, the outcome can be extremely painful. I know from experience.

During my time as an exterminator, I was at a customer’s house and there was a large hornets’ nest in a difficult to reach spot. So, I began spraying them from about thirty feet away, thinking I was safe. However, much to my dismay, one of the hornets followed the stream of spray right back to me and stung me right on the cheek, to be precise, the one I sit on. It must have looked hysterical as I jumped into the air and fled into the nearby bushes. Come to think of it, the reason I was stung was because I was in a hurry and didn’t wear protective gear. Dumb gets you stung.

In an effort to avoid such confrontations, you must be familiar with the bald faced hornet. This angry menace is black with a white face similar to a wasp or yellow jacket. Their nests come in football or basketball type shapes, the texture of papier-mâché, and are gray-ish in color. Often hornets attach their nests to sides of houses, buildings, and tree branches. They begin making nests around the fourth of July and often they stay active until the first frost. By nature, these hornets are protective of their nest and when they feel threatened will sting hard and often.

Speaking from experience, I recommend you hire a professional instead of doing it yourself. If you insist on going it alone, make sure you treat the nest at night, follow the instructions on the can, soak the nest thoroughly, and then run for the hills. Whatever you do, don’t stand there to admire your work.

To my discredit, sometimes I become as mad as a hornet. So, I’m talking just as much to the man in the mirror. When something angers you, take a deep breath and stop. Just stop. Anger is a split second decision but it is still a choice; no one can force us to be angry. We need to recognize it, show restraint, and walk away. Perhaps, this Chinese proverb says it best, “If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.”

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Recipe for Success

Who doesn’t know the iconic look of Colonel Harland Sanders on every bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken? But did you know he wasn’t famous until he well over sixty years of age. The Colonel is a great example of persistence, someone we can all relate to and learn from.

Born in 1890, Colonel Sanders had much to overcome in his life. His father passed away when he was five, so while his mother worked he was required to cook for the family. He dropped out of school in the seventh grade and later left his family because of abuse by his stepfather. He held various jobs before he was forty including: steamboat pilot, railroad fireman, insurance salesman, farmer, and practiced law. During this time he married and had three children, one of whom passed away at a young age.

During the 1930’s in his early forties, Sanders began selling chicken dinners and other meals out of a service station in Kentucky. He was quite successful and during this time he developed his original, secret recipe of eleven herbs and spices. However, by the early 1950’s, a new interstate diverted the traffic from his business subsequently forcing him to sell.

Now in his mid sixties, Sanders took to the road dressed as a Kentucky gentleman in his famous white suit with black western tie and who could forget his white goatee. In his quest to sell his chicken and start franchises, he wound up making over one thousand visits often facing ridicule and rejection. By 1964, despite the naysayers, the Colonel had established over six hundred franchised stores where you could purchase his chicken in the United States and Canada.

Colonel Sanders was also well known for his generosity to charities and orphans. He once said, “There's no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery. You can't do any business from there.” By the time he passed away in 1980 he had become one of the world’s most recognizable faces.

May Colonel Sanders be an inspiration to us all, to never give up despite the odds. It is never too late to aspire to something more; a better craftsman, a better father, a better husband, a better writer, or simply a better person. You never know where your persistance may lead. Perhaps our goal should be, being greatly esteemed by the lives we touch and whatever else happens, well, happens.

“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.” ~ Booker T. Washington

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High Hopes

On the night before Father’s Day I discovered something special my son had left in my bedroom. It was a check with a note on top which read: “just take it.” But, unbeknownst to both of us the best gift was a poem on the flip side of his note. This is what it said:

Hopes
Hopes are the dreams of our future.
Ideas we wish were given life.
How is it that we never fight for our ideas?
Maybe because we realize they could never be.
Or it could be that we do not want to fight for them.
Sitting and thinking requires little action.
I believe that most hopes fall apart because of laziness.
My hope is that I will be motivated to work.
So when the end comes I will not have to wonder what could have been.
I hope to follow the calling wherever it leads from now till the end.
To death if I am called.
I hope that I will do more than just think these words.
So that when the time comes my hopes will become reality.
~ Jordan S. Swavely

Funny how the best advice often comes from the least expected sources. My son wrote this during his senior year in high school and it seems to sum up where I am right now. For so long I had hopes of writing a book, but no matter how hard I tried it just didn’t seem to work out. Then this past May I tore my quad and a friend suggested I start this blog. Now, whether or not my hopes of a book are realized, I am doing what I truly enjoy, writing. And just perhaps it will encourage someone along the way.

Everybody has hopes, but as my son said, “Sitting and thinking requires little action,” so we must be willing to fight for our hopes till they become reality.

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go.” ~ Dr. Seuss

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Temporary Inconvenience

Have you ever felt like you could never catch a break? I certainly have. There are certain times when life ‘just happens’. Far too often though, we allow little problems to grow because of the inconvenience that it poses us.

About three years ago, during the summer, our dryer gave up the ghost. It was frustrating because we had no extra money, so we simply hung our clothes out on the line. At work, several days later, someone was offering a free very used dryer. We had already set a date to pick up the dryer when someone learned of our situation and offered to get us a new one. We told them we had it taken care of, but they encouraged us to take their offer instead. A very much appreciated act of kindness.

This summer my family and I were in a similar predicament, but this time it was our washer. Again, funds were low and I felt exasperated. A few days later, I found a reasonably priced used washer from an appliance store that would deliver and then remove the broken one. The evening before the scheduled delivery, my parents remembered our old washer was still stored in their basement from our move eight years prior. A friend, who used to work for an appliance store, overheard the conversation and offered to help out with the delivery. Once again, things worked out.

It doesn’t always happen this way, but in these two instances I was privileged to receive an unexpected blessing. There have been many other situations like these, but if I look at it honestly, they are simply minor inconveniences on my way through life. Yet, the fact that I am fortunate enough to have appliances that need replacement is a blessing. Perhaps, I should take the focus off myself and realize how much I truly have.

I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street; I met a man who had no feet. ~ Ancient Persian saying

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Fear Proof

The results from the first poll are in and it revealed your biggest fear is your family being harmed. To paraphrase former President Franklin Roosevelt, our biggest fear is often fear itself. I can understand this to a point since I had thought my entire family had been lost in a car accident, nearly ten years ago. But there is someone who knows exactly what it feels like to lose his entire family.

On Labor Day weekend of 2003, Robert Rogers, his wife and their four children were caught in a flash flood in Kansas. In a matter of minutes, Robert, lost everything he cherished most and only he would miraculously survive. He had every right to give up, but when Robert’s worst fears were realized he turned them over to the only One who could truly save him, Jesus.

In the aftermath, Robert started a ministry called, Mighty In The Land, designed to help encourage families to keep their priorities right. Whenever I hear his story and his motto: “Know God, No Regrets” it becomes obvious he is someone who fears God, not circumstances. He now is remarried with two children and also keeps his family’s memory alive by seeking to support five orphanages worldwide, with three having already been established. Each orphanage will ultimately bear the name of each of his family members whose addresses have been changed to heaven.

I will leave you with a quote Robert made a few days after the tragic loss of his family. “Savor every single precious minute with your spouses and children, hug and kiss them every morning and evening, tell them over and over how much you love them.” Perhaps instead of fearing, we should be focusing and finding where our priorities truly lie.

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For Robert Rogers’ full story or more details on his ministry please visit: www.MightyInTheLand.com

Pleasant Aroma

On a normal work day I arrive early to make a pot of coffee. There is nothing quite like hearing the coffee maker percolate as the pleasant aroma drifts in my general direction. Nothing awakens me in the morning like a cup of Joe and exchanging pleasantries with others.

Every so often I stop by a store to get a cup of coffee. There is always a kind smile to greet me from a sweet elderly lady, who chats with me as if we were old friends. It never ceases to amaze me how much I look forward to her cheerful greeting. The odds are she isn’t making an exorbitant amount of money, yet she offers a pleasant aroma that even the seven varieties of coffee cannot.

Occasionally I order out for my family. When I arrive to pick up my order, I always wonder what’s on the other side of the door. Will the pizza dude behind the counter be carefree or cranky? In my experience, a lot of people are a product of what is going on around them. If things are unpleasant in their life or if they are having a bad day, it influences their outlook and they act irritable. So, despite his disposition I still go back because I like the food and maybe my pleasant aroma will rub off on him.

Perhaps, instead of focusing on other’s attitudes we should put more energy into creating a pleasant aroma. With that thought in mind we should remember George Eliot’s words, “Blessed is the influence of one true, loving human soul on another.”

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Never More Proud

I am a part of a very special and proud fraternity, I am a father. The following are some very special memories I have shared with my children over the years.

In the early morning of March 21st, 1991, my newborn son was gently handed to me. The world slowed momentarily as I got acquainted with my son. Another memory comes to mind when he gave the salutatorian speech last year at his graduation. Never have I been more proud of him.

On the afternoon of April 24th, 1993, when my first daughter was born, I inherited a rich man's family . The last night I shared with my daughter before she changed her address to heaven, she unselfishly bought crackers and chips for some of her friends with her own birthday money. Never have I been more proud of her.

It was the afternoon of June 2nd, 2003, when my third child (second daughter) was handed to my wife and I in Nanjing, China. It was a day my heart smiled. Now at the age of seven, my daughter insists on reading her bedtime stories to me every night. Never have I been more proud of her.

My children have made me proud from the moment I set my eyes on them. Perhaps this thought from Elizabeth Stone best sums it up, "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

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Let’s play catch

Have you ever seen the baseball movie, “Field of Dreams?” The whole movie revolves around the son’s attempt to get one more chance to spend time with his father. Who can forget the image of the son and his dad playing catch at the very end of the movie as the credits begin to roll? That got me to thinking.

One of my fondest memories growing up was when my dad took the time to play catch with me. When the mood would strike I would wander into the basement, where dad was often working on his car, with my baseball glove and ball and ask if he had time to play catch. He would often hesitate, then give in and say, 'okay, if you get my glove we can throw for a few minutes.' We didn’t say much, but it always made me feel better after we were done. Always.

Since I have become a dad I have done the same with my son, first when he was playing baseball and now softball. For some reason, it seems to give us both a strange sense of satisfaction as we see how far and hard we can throw to each other. Kind of like a challenge, a man’s way of passing a test, but at the same time no one is keeping record. Now, I understand a lot better why my dad took the time. There is nothing like just sharing a moment, just him and I.

Some of the best times you will ever have with your child is when you are just 'being' together. It doesn't need to be a game of catch, perhaps just something you both enjoy. "A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove. But the world may be different, because I was important in the life of a 'child'." (Forest Witcraft)

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Your turn: What is your most favorite childhood memory?

Snatch success from failure

When it comes to being successful, often we are our own worst enemy. In the midst of setback, often our failures teach us more than our successes. All you have to do is take a look back into history.

As a child, I was fascinated by the stories of Little Big Horn, but the more I learned I soon discovered that General George Armstrong Custer had some serious character flaws. During his military career, he had a reputation for fearless aggression, questionable tactics, and was not always well respected by his men. He was also court martialed twice. Eventually, Custer ended up out west to control the Indian uprisings, but even then was almost removed from his post due to a heated disagreement with then President Ulysses S. Grant. Controversy seemed to be his constant companion.

It was on June 25th, 1876 during the ill-fated Battle of Little Big Horn when General Custer’s luck would run out. The fate of Custer and his men was sealed when the two other troops deployed to help him were ineffective. Then unbeknownst to Custer, he advanced too quickly right into the middle of thousands of Lakota and Cheyenne warriors with just 210 of his own men. When he underestimated his opponent, he and his troops paid for it with their lives.

We can learn even from Custer. Listen to wise counsel and be honest with yourself. When you do suffer a setback, be quick to take responsibility and try never to make the same mistake twice. More times than not, the biggest hindrance to success in life is ourselves.

Perhaps we can apply what George Santayana said, “Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”

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No Excuse

There was a time in my life when I was an avid excuse maker. Now, I tend to become easily frustrated when others do the same. In the past month, I have scratched my head as I watched oil spill into the Gulf and wondered to myself, "why doesn't someone do something?" I have grown weary of men in high places making excuses instead of someone just taking responsibility and finding a solution.

This got me to thinking about our society in general, it seems to me we tend to be blame shifters. I speak from experience because as I said before, I used to be a full-fledged member. Too often when something goes wrong or someone is in need you hear, "it's not my problem, let somebody else deal with it." The spill in the Gulf reminded me of a day when I did something instead of just standing around watching the world go by.

One morning, during my bugkilling days, I was servicing a small grocery store when an opportunity presented itself. There was a little boy who wanted some milk, but had no money. Then, I overheard the clerk tell him that he couldn't help, so I asked if I could pay for it. The clerk advised against it, seeing how the child's parents were careless with their money. While I understood his position, I couldn't justify refusing the child milk. So, despite the man's suggestion I paid for the milk because it just seemed like the right thing to do. It was good to see the little boy leave with a smile and a jug of milk under his arm. I didn't solve all his problems, but for once he didn't hear, "I'm sorry, I can't help you." Instead, he saw a solution. Lame excuses don't make the cereal float in your bowl.

Obviously you or I can't fix the oil spill in the Gulf, but perhaps we can learn from it. Wouldn't we all be better off if we all spent more time applying what Elbert Hubbard once suggested, "don't make excuses, make good."

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Perfect Ending

To this day, there have only been twenty perfect games ever recorded in the history of major league baseball. So rare a feat, more men have orbited the moon than experienced the euphoria of a perfect game. Yet, a week ago due to one man's decision another man was deprived of his place in history.

Before Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010, few of us had ever heard of 28 year old, Detroit Tigers pitcher, Armando Galarraga. Now he is a hero of sorts. He was pitching a perfect game against the Cleveland Indians and only needed one more out when first base umpire, Jim Joyce, blew the game-ending call. A melee ensued and angry Tiger players and coaches argued to no avail. For one night it seemed as if injustice had prevailed and one man's chance for immortality had been stolen from him. So, why a week later has the fervor relinquished. The answer lies in the word character.

After viewing the replay, Joyce admitted he had missed the call, yet on the next day, June 3, 2010, he chose to meet his fate head on. He was offered the opportunity to take the day off, but declined, even though he hadn't slept and there were personal threats made against him. Like a true man he chose to umpire the game anyway. His character later would be rewarded.

Fortunately, Galarraga, who had every right to begrudge Joyce for his indiscretion refused to do so. Instead, the next day Galarraga performed a time honored tradition and took the lineup card out to the umpire, Joyce, before the game, as an act of compassion and true character. There stood Galarraga next to the man who inadvertantly robbed him of baseball immortality. The gesture brought tears to the umpire’s eyes. Then the two hit each other on the shoulders, as only men can do, and went about their business.

Say what you want about sports, but for a brief moment I learned something about character, it is more important than money or the title of being called perfect. These two men showed me this: admit when you are wrong and be gracious in defeat. Perhaps, no one personifies this better in sports than the legendary college basketball coach, John Wooden, who once said, "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are."

This is a lesson I will not soon forget and perhaps, on June 3rd, 2010, we did witness something perfect after all.

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What 'Perhaps' Is...

Perhaps you are wondering where I am going with this blog. Here it is. This blog is an attempt to encourage you to make a change for the better. Look at perhaps as a positive maybe. Instead of allowing life to make you bitter and frustrated, choose to make the world a better place because you are here.

Have you ever had a moment when you didn’t know if you could go on? I have. In the early morning of May 4th, 2000, my daughter had just passed away and I was beyond sorrow. The world as I had known it no longer existed and I was devastated. Yet, in my darkest hour came a small glimmer of hope. After she had passed, the nurse came to me and hidden in the palm of her hand was my daughter’s tooth, the one I had been trying to pull for weeks with no success.

In my worst moment, I had received the most precious gift in the world. The pain wasn’t taken away, but in that instant I was given a push in the right direction on how I should handle the rest of my life. There would still be many difficult hurdles to overcome and choices to make. Perhaps the best decision would be to live my life in such a way as to honor my daughter’s life and memory. The alternative was not a viable option. So, everyday when I try to wake up with a ‘perhaps’ type of attitude I put myself in a position to succeed.

Perhaps, the difficulty isn't really the problem, but rather how we approach the difficulty.

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Man vs. quad: On the road to recovery as I exercise my quad.

Laugh a Little

Sometimes life can feel overwhelming and you can’t seem to shake the frustration. So, if you are going through a tough time, sounds like you need a laugh.

Several years ago, I went to a maze made out of cardboard boxes hosted by a local youth center with my son and some extended family. So picture this, me, a thirty-four year old, two hundred and thirty pound man stuck in the catcher's position in a maze built for adolescents. It was pitch black and I was wedged in the one wooden area of the maze with no where to go. To make matters worse, there was a long line of people asking, "What's the hold-up?" Then somewhere in the darkness I overheard, “There's a big guy stuck and he can’t get out.” Then I hear, “Hey, there’s a big guy stuck....there’s a big guy stuck....there's a big guy stuck,” echoing all the way to the end of the line. Even with this peer pressure, I couldn't free myself.

So after what seemed an eternity, probably more like five or ten minutes, the leader of the event loudly announced, “Aaron, don’t worry we’re coming in to get you.” They should of just shot me and been done with it. As they were sending a guy in to get me out, I could hear the laughter of my so called friends and family. Good news, I eventually got free; bad news, I couldn’t retrieve my pride.

Perhaps we can all learn from Abraham Lincoln, "With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die."

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Man vs Quad: Good news, my stitches are gone and now it's onto therapy.

True Valor

When I think of Memorial Day the word valor comes to mind. This word best describes someone who possesses exceptional courage when facing danger. A certain soldier who served in World War I comes to mind and of whom former President Ronald Reagan paid special tribute to in his first Inaugural Address:

Under one such marker lies a young man, Martin Treptow, who left his job in a small town barbershop in 1917 to go to France with the famed Rainbow Division. There, on the western front, he was killed trying to carry a message between battalions under heavy artillery fire.

We are told that on his body was found a diary. On the flyleaf under the heading, "My Pledge," he had written these words: "America must win this war. Therefore, I will work, I will save, I will sacrifice, I will endure, I will fight cheerfully and do my utmost, as if the issue of the whole struggle depended on me alone."

In my opinion, our country remains great because of men and women who gave everything to keep this country free. May none of us forget their sacrifice and may none of us ever be willing to do less than our utmost to keep our country great. Perhaps such valor shouldn't be so uncommon in our everyday lives.

I will leave you with a quote from the Revolutionary War hero, Nathan Hale, who spoke these words before he was hung by the British for being a spy, "I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country."

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Man vs Quad: The last days have been better and I look forward to visiting the doctor tomorrow.

Let's Talk

Believe it or not, this was not how I planned on spending my Memorial Day weekend, on my posterior with my leg up. It does, however, give me a lot of time to feel sorry for myself. But somewhere in my head I heard a voice telling me to, "suck it up, Nancy," actually it was my sister-in-law. Then I turned my attention toward other things, namely this blog. I wonder at times if we all don't have thoughts like Jimmy Stewart's character did in, "It's a Wonderful Life" that the world might be better off without us and then unwittingly start to live a self-defeating life. We may never commit suicide, but we act so depressed and miserable that others tend to avoid us.

I speak from experience because when my seven year old daughter died, ten years ago, my heart was so broken I struggled in every aspect of life. Often I would ask questions like, "why" and my response always seemed to be, "I just don't know why" and in turn the answer would infuriate me. Maybe, and I'm just spit balling here, when I finally said, "why not" life started to become enjoyable again. When I started to take everyday as it came, not trying to analyze it so much, the color started to come back into life and the gray slowly faded. In time, I also started to smile more, whistle more, and sing along with songs on the radio again, poorly might I add, but in my own strange way I was living again.

One day I was driving, singing, and bobbing my head to a song on the radio when a truck full of construction workers began to make gestures ridiculing me, but I never noticed. My friends told me later that the guys in the truck just gave up in disgust when they couldnt get under my skin. Perhaps, we often focus too much on the negative, instead of the positive.

When I was an exterminator, there was certain customer I always looked forward to servicing on my route. He was an older, distinguished gentleman who had a particular way of putting me at ease. After every service, I would sit down at his kitchen table as he would get out a glass, add ice, and then pour me a Coke. We would then just talk about life, about the day, about family, about whatever. Just like two old friends would do. After about ten minutes, he would write me a check for the appropriate amount and I would pack up my stuff and leave. Somehow I always felt better when I left his house, I felt more alive.

Man vs. quad: Chalk one up for the quad because the last few days have been uncomfortable. A trip back to the doctor who ordered an ultrasound to check for clots. Thankfully no clots, but more elevation, ice, and meds. But, today is a new day, full of adjustments and full of hope.

Regardless of your circumstances, may it be said of you as it was Winston Churchill,"never surrender".

Swavel

Relax

When I want to forget all about life's problems I go to the kitchen, open up the freezer and begin to create something I call a 'Swavel'. Nothing else seems to matter as I relax and find myself lost in my own little world.

The process is slow and tedious. Every stroke is measured and defined. Often, like a craftsman I stop to check the texture of my product. Time is not a factor when one is attempting to create a masterpiece. It is a simple thing anyone could do, yet it is a source of identity for me.

The ingredients are a follows: chocolate ice cream, milk, and a host of toppings such as chocolate bits, jimmies, bananas, pretzels or whatever your heart desires.

I use a bowl, several cups, milk and a tablespoon for stirring. But, the most important component of a 'Swavel' is the continual twisting of the frozen concoction and constant scrutiny to make sure the texture and taste are just right. Without the proper stirring I would just be wasting my time.

It was the summer of 1988 in a kitchen outside of Altoona, PA where I made my first 'Swavel'. Something struck me to create. First, I scooped chocolate ice cream into several large glasses, then I poured the milk into the glasses and started to stir it by hand. The most difficult part was the pushing and twisting of the ice cream to loosen it, while occasionally adding milk to make the stirring easier. Like an artist, when he lands his first strokes on a naked canvas, a rush of euphoria overcame me as my creation came to life before my very eyes. A rare moment of unadultered joy.

This process reminds me of how God stirs within our souls as He continues to make us a work in progress. God is taking His time, which involves waiting, pouring in the right amount of milk, adding ingredients, and stirring occasionally till the mixture is just right. So, often the work God does in our lives is slow, tedious, and sometimes painful but the end result is something beyond what we could have ever imagine. Relax God knows what He is doing.

When I am dead and gone I believe the 'Swavel' will be my legacy. But, I wouldn't have it any other way, I am an artist with a spoon.

Man vs. quad: This makes two early mornings in a row that the quad has disturbed my sleep, but this time I had a pain pill waiting for it. Evidently, the quad is grafting since it has been reattached back to my knee and some moments are better than others. Don't count the man out yet.

Feel free to post any bug questions and I will do my best to answer them. As always perhaps we can share more next time.

Swavel

Defining Moments

Our lives are defined by moments. Just two weeks ago, I had an awkward one when I landed on my knee trying to reach first base in a softball game. Then a week later, I had a painful moment when I discovered my injured knee was actually a ruptured quadricep muscle and would require surgery. This now becomes a trying moment full of choices and opportunities, like seeing my daughter in the morning, hearing the birds sing all day long, and writing whenever the mood strikes.

In a paragraph, I'm a 42-year-old guy who has been married for 21 years to the only girl I ever dated. The father of a college age son and two daughters; one who's address was changed to heaven 10 years ago (at the age of 7) and one who was born in China.

Here is some other pertinent stuff about me. In the past 25 years, I have had several jobs, some including: exterminator, upholsterer, limo driver, janitor, and courier. I have also written devotionals and contributed to a book. I usually enjoy playing softball, but since I'll be spending this softball season on my posterior, a friend suggested I start a blog.

Hope you come by often and 'perhaps' share in some old and new moments to come.

Swavel