Let's Talk

Believe it or not, this was not how I planned on spending my Memorial Day weekend, on my posterior with my leg up. It does, however, give me a lot of time to feel sorry for myself. But somewhere in my head I heard a voice telling me to, "suck it up, Nancy," actually it was my sister-in-law. Then I turned my attention toward other things, namely this blog. I wonder at times if we all don't have thoughts like Jimmy Stewart's character did in, "It's a Wonderful Life" that the world might be better off without us and then unwittingly start to live a self-defeating life. We may never commit suicide, but we act so depressed and miserable that others tend to avoid us.

I speak from experience because when my seven year old daughter died, ten years ago, my heart was so broken I struggled in every aspect of life. Often I would ask questions like, "why" and my response always seemed to be, "I just don't know why" and in turn the answer would infuriate me. Maybe, and I'm just spit balling here, when I finally said, "why not" life started to become enjoyable again. When I started to take everyday as it came, not trying to analyze it so much, the color started to come back into life and the gray slowly faded. In time, I also started to smile more, whistle more, and sing along with songs on the radio again, poorly might I add, but in my own strange way I was living again.

One day I was driving, singing, and bobbing my head to a song on the radio when a truck full of construction workers began to make gestures ridiculing me, but I never noticed. My friends told me later that the guys in the truck just gave up in disgust when they couldnt get under my skin. Perhaps, we often focus too much on the negative, instead of the positive.

When I was an exterminator, there was certain customer I always looked forward to servicing on my route. He was an older, distinguished gentleman who had a particular way of putting me at ease. After every service, I would sit down at his kitchen table as he would get out a glass, add ice, and then pour me a Coke. We would then just talk about life, about the day, about family, about whatever. Just like two old friends would do. After about ten minutes, he would write me a check for the appropriate amount and I would pack up my stuff and leave. Somehow I always felt better when I left his house, I felt more alive.

Man vs. quad: Chalk one up for the quad because the last few days have been uncomfortable. A trip back to the doctor who ordered an ultrasound to check for clots. Thankfully no clots, but more elevation, ice, and meds. But, today is a new day, full of adjustments and full of hope.

Regardless of your circumstances, may it be said of you as it was Winston Churchill,"never surrender".

Swavel