Queen for a Day

Have you ever felt as worthless as a pawn piece? If you are anything like me, you have. You know the kind of moment that seems so bad that it overrides anything good that has ever happened to you. Well at least for the moment.

The one that most prominently comes to mind happened to me during a very difficult period for my family and I. It was during this period that a friend and I were walking in a hospital parking lot, sharing a candid conversation, when he turned to me and said, “Swavel, we are nothing more than pawns”. It seemed to make perfect sense, because at the time I controlled nothing and felt powerless to have any effect on the outcome at hand. At that particular time, I saw God as the chess master and that He had the power to do whatever He wanted, rightly or indiscriminately, and there was nothing I could do about it. Even though it wasn’t true, from what I could perceive it seemed God did not care. I felt useless.

Now fast forward eleven years to where we are now in our current adoption. On occasion, Amy and I receive e-mails from our adoption agency informing us we have been blessed to receive donations which help defray some of the fees involved in the adoption process. What I felt on those days is pure elation.  I imagine much how winning the Super Bowl may feel. Regardless of the amount, on those days my attitude does a 180, simply because I feel God has heard our prayers and the prayers of many family and friends who are petitioning for us that God work a miracle to bring Lia into our family. On those days, I felt like a pawn that had worked its way across the board and become the most powerful piece on the board, the queen. In layman’s terms queen for a day.

It is especially on those days that I realize how unfair my thinking toward God was. He works both good and bad to his glory. I may be a pawn, but God can turn pawns into queens and do significant things with them. Whether we like it or not, you can’t have the sunshine without the rain.

So it was a couple weeks ago, I had been having a lousy day and both my wife and I were feeling discouraged and frustrated. Then I received an e-mail at work that alerted my wife and I that we had received some donations which we badly needed.  It made me feel so good that I shouted out my car window in joy on the way home. For a moment, I felt useful again.  For a moment, my pawn had become a queen, if only for a day.

“The art of living lies less in eliminating our troubles than in growing with them.”  ~ Bernard M. Baruch

Swavel