“If you want to show
someone you love them simply hold their hand.”
(Right
click to hear companion song:
An old hymn writer once used this phrase, “emptied
himself of all but love” to describe Jesus love for us. It is my sincere hope and desire to love my
wife that well.
There are several instances that best remind me of
true love in my relationship with my wife, Amy, and they all involve holding
hands.
It was July 1st, 1985 and I asked Amy to
go with me to see the Orioles play baseball in Baltimore as a part of my high
school graduation gift. During the game
I asked her to be my girlfriend.
The only two other things I remember about that
evening were the Orioles getting killed by the Detroit Tigers and the ride
home. During the two hour ride home from
Baltimore I took a chance and I slid my hand into hers. To this day, it was one of the best moments
of my life. Up to that point in my
seventeen year existence most girls didn’t seem to notice me and the others
just plain weren’t interested. She
seemed to find something of value in me no one else could see, including me. In summary, my baseball team lost, but I won.
On another night, my then girlfriend, Amy and I were
watching the Pittsburgh Steelers play football together when I learned a most
memorable lesson. On that particular
evening, I made the mistake of holding her hand during a football play. A player from the Steelers made a big play
and Amy squeezed my hand tightly like a vise grip. Then if my memory serves me correctly she
jumped up and started cheering and yelling at her “boys’. Initially I was unprepared for all of this
but I believe by halftime I decided just to lay my hand on her shoulder, so I
could get out of the way when necessary.
On that particular day I quickly learned that not all situations would
allow me to hold this girl’s hand and that I must select the right
moments. Amy showed me that sometimes
you have to pick and choose the right situation to be affectionate. That night I learned to hold hands from a
distance.
On March 24th, 1989 I married my best
friend, Amy. To this day I can still recall standing at
the front of the church where we got married.
As the music played I remember my wife coming down the aisle and the
elation I felt as if I had won the lottery that this girl would chose to be my
wife. And she could not have looked more
beautiful to me. Funny thing, Amy told
me later, she couldn’t see me because she was not wearing her glasses.
To me at that very moment all was right
in my world. Then, she came up to me and
her dad gave her to me and we held hands.
Can’t say I remember much else after that moment. We were facing the pastor and holding hands
saying nothing. Amy showed me she was all in.
I learned on that rainy day in March to enjoy those moments when you are
deeply and madly in love, as a reminder for times when you are not.
In our nearly twenty four years of marriage, my wife
and I have seen a lot together. In those years we have known both good and bad,
happy and sad, and everything else in between.
We experienced the birth of two of our children and the adoption of two
others. We have even flown half way
around the world twice together to bring two of our kids into our family. We have been to our share of doctor’s offices,
hospitals, ball games, church meetings, school activities, playing board games,
vacations, birthdays, holidays and other stuff families do together. We did all we could together throughout the
years and when the moment permitted, I would hold her hand.
Anyone can love and be loved when times are good, but
even when it hurt we stayed together. We
even held hands when we buried our daughter together. In the aftermath, my wife and I suffered
through this painful tragedy together the best we knew how, the kind that often
ends in divorce, and hung on for dear life.
Yet, even though times when I didn’t always love well, we stayed
together till the feeling of love came back again.
Although we must pick and choose when to hold hands
I believe it is critical to hold hands as much as possible or just cuddle up
together, because with love silence speaks louder than words. Try it, hold hands for about five to ten
minutes a day while you have a cup of coffee on the sofa or the porch and
you’ll find your spouse is someone you want to be with not avoid.
Granted, I concede that love is much more complex
than just holding hands, but I am convinced that if we as married couples spent
more time holding hands and less arguing we would grow closer together in love,
than growing further apart. Love just wants to be near the person they love,
they don’t want to nitpick, but just be with them.
So, does holding hands solve
all our problems, definitely not because sometimes, we don’t hold hands at the
time because well we have had enough of each other. But, if my wife, Amy and I were both to
search our hearts and you asked us how we would like to end our day, it would
be next to each other, more times than not holding hands, watching a movie or
doing something together.
“Holding hands conveys
what mere words were never designed to do.”
Swavel
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